Mom2mom poll: Do you care for an elderly parent or parents?

[kckady]

Are you part of the "sandwich generation," raising kids while caring for aging parents? If so, are you doing it alone or do you have help from siblings or other people?
Share your experience, read The Star's FYI section on Tuesday, April 17, and check back often on mom2momkc.com to see how our mom2mom panel answered.
The question: Do you care for an elderly parent or parents?
A. No.
B. Yes. Along with other family members or outside help
C. Yes. I am the primary caregiver.

[battlefieldmomma]

Not yet. It is coming.
We've had scares of cancer, two hospital stays for an undiagnosed illness, and one parent with possible early Alzheimers (luckily that one is in town). Only one has purchased long term care insurance.

[sahmiam43]

Both DH and I have parents who are very capable of living alone. One is experiencing some medical issues, but is well cared for by a spouse. I will say that we do assist another when/where we can but it's not that she needs it, it's just that we like to be able to do things for her. So, no, not yet.

[mamalackey]

We live so far away from both of our parents. Somewhere about a thousand miles for either of them and in opposite directions.

My mom lives in the same town as my brother and close to one sister. Brother checks in on Mother at least every other day. She is relatively healthy but does have issues most people her age do. And she smokes. ARGH!

Hubby's parents are a slightly different story. FIL has COPD and rarely leaves the house. It does a number on him psychologically as well. MIL had to have cataract surgery a few weeks ago and he couldn't go with her. When it got cancelled because her ekg was wonky he was so distressed that he couldn't be at the hospital with her. He just cant walk as far as he would need to. They have purchased long term care insurance for when the time comes. Hubby and his brother both are so far away from them and Mom and Dad don't want to be a burden.

Being an adult child of a parent that needs care has got to be one of the most helpless feeling. So, after short story long, no, we don't have to care for our aging parents, yet.

[kckady]

Hey everyone,
If you voted in the poll this morning, you may need to vote again. The poll was messed up and I just now fixed it. As a result, we need to cast our votes again. Sorry for the pain!

[JoLynne]

For several years before my Grandmother Charlotte died, I helped to care for her, and I was honored to sit beside her and hold her hand as she was dying. Now most of my older relatives have passed on.

[JayhawkKaty]

Thankfully, we do not have to care for our parents, although when I hear the term "elderly" I tend to think of those older than our parents. Mine are both 67 and doing well, although my mother had both knees replaced last year and back surgery within the past year and a half. I think she's all better now.

My MIL is 74 and going strong. God willing, it will be several more years before any decisions need to be made regarding long-term care for either her or my parents.

I do recall reading an article in Better Homes & Gardens several years ago that said the best time to pursue purchasing long-term care insurance is when you turn 50. My hubby is a couple of years away, so I assume we'll visit that topic then.

[lisab]

My husband and I have parents aged 63-75. So far, they are living in their own homes and their health has been relatively good but we've had some scares. They've survived cancer, strokes, etc. We do anticipate caring for them in the future. This poses difficulties since they all live in Arizona. We've talked about when the time comes letting them move in with us. There are also two elderly facilities in our small town. Although change is harder the older you get, we know they will probably need to move to Kansas for us to care for them since we have five children to take into consideration.

[fibromom]

This question hits close to home for me. Many of you might remember that I have mentioned my mom lives with us. That makes me her caregiver. What most don't realize is that it is just the four of us here in KS.We moved here from Atlanta happily leaving behind a not very close family. That means I am her only caregiver. She has her own kitchen, bedroom and bath in our basement and pretty much takes care of her personal needs, but spends most of every afternoon camped out in my livingroom and eats dinner with us everynight, for the last 10 years. She also still drives and tries to do her own personal shopping, banking and most of the time takes herself to her doctor for regular checkups. It does get rough when she has medical issues that have to be taken care of. I have called a ambulance for her a few times, and taken her to the ER a few more. Plus I have to decide when I need to take her to the doctor and when she can manage by herself without making her feel like a burden. As she gets older it makes it tougher.

Most of the time it isn't too bad but it does bother me that there is no one in the area to call when she has an issue and I could use some back up. I just take care of the issues myself and tell my sister and brother if I think it is something they need to know. They don't seem to realize even though they can give me no physical support they don't give me any emotional support either. I do know if we were still in Atlanta and family was close by I would still be the one she would come to and they would second guess all my decisions. (A while back I told a friend of mine whose mom lives out of town, so she doesn't see to her needs, that maybe she needs to let the family that does take care of her mom do it their way, and watch how much she voices her opinion). So I guess it is a trade off. Get no support and be her sole caregiver thus having no family arguments about her care, or involve them knowing it will cause problems. I guess I would rather have it the way it is. Less Drama.

[battlefieldmomma]

My parents are in their early 80's & one thing that I've learned is to make sure that they have a current list & dosages of their medications in their wallet. When my father visited me a few years ago, he had to go to the emergency room & I had no idea what meds he was on.
The other thing is to encourage them to have their doctors review their meds on a regular basis. I know this sounds obvious & it would seem that docs would do this during a routine exam; however, on that same hospital trip, after 3 days in the hospital, it turns out that my father was taking way too much blood pressure medication.
And last, encourage your parent to sign a HIPAA release for you and your siblings even if you live out of town. The first go-around in the hospital, my mother signed a release, but the hospital refused to honor it because she "wasn't fully coherent". We had to search her house for her health care papers.
And last, the onset of Alzheimers. We are just learning about this. There is an Alzheimers organization in PV that can give good advice. So far, we are doing baby steps because the disease is frustrating for both the parent & the child.