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My husband the Idiot (rant)

Re: My husband the Idiot (rant)

Postby jshaw on Sat Feb 27, 2010 9:50 am

OK, I am just gonna throw this out there in the M2M universe. I am quite shocked and disappointed in how some of you have acted towards this guy. I mean really. He stated his opinion. I thought it was somewhat nice to read another point of view. Albeit, I would NEVER teach my kids to curse. As my FIL says, "Cursing is just a feeble mind trying to express itself." In other words smarten up dam*it.

So he has a twig and berries?? Big deal.

So he is a new father? Big deal.

But to berate him for his experience or lack thereof (which we don't know) is small of you guys. Very small.
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Re: My husband the Idiot (rant)

Postby gematree on Sat Feb 27, 2010 10:41 am

jshaw wrote:OK, I am just gonna throw this out there in the M2M universe. I am quite shocked and disappointed in how some of you have acted towards this guy. I mean really. He stated his opinion. I thought it was somewhat nice to read another point of view. Albeit, I would NEVER teach my kids to curse. As my FIL says, "Cursing is just a feeble mind trying to express itself." In other words smarten up dam*it.

So he has a twig and berries?? Big deal.

So he is a new father? Big deal.

But to berate him for his experience or lack thereof (which we don't know) is small of you guys. Very small.


Well said jshaw! *standing ovation!
"I guess that's why we each need to make our own decisions based on the wisdom we have and the risks we want to take." Cnnplus5 9/01/09
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Re: My husband the Idiot (rant)

Postby pmonkeefan on Sat Feb 27, 2010 12:26 pm

frizzed wrote:
cnnplus5 wrote:
He decided after the responses to create his own account.


oh yippee, another Dad trying to make it on a moms board..


Not just a dad...a SOFTWARE ENGINEER! I guess the door was opened when Mr. Stinky Feet became a regular blogger. Really Trish's Husband, this is your first kid, he is a newborn, so you really have no idea of what is to come, really you don't. You can have all the nieces and nephews and babysit a 1000 kids but until you have your own and experience it first hand, you have no idea.

As for the issue at hand, it is unacceptable to teach your kids that kind of language. Sure, it may be somewhat funny at home but get him out in the real world, at daycare maybe, that word comes out and you will be guaranteed a call! Her son is young now so if it isn't continually brought up, he will forget it but he is close the age where it will be harder for him to forget.



You know, my husband is a big boy. He can take care of himself and hold his own. Which is why I haven't posted anything in this thread. However, this was just rude. What does his occupation have anything to do with your point? He said he was a software engineer after someone mentioned he typed a lot. It was his reasoning for being able to type a lot, fast. This may be a "mom" site (even though I know there are a few men) but there is no reason to make unilateral decisions based on what you *think* you know about his experience, child raising beliefs, or his actions.

No where has he said he thought the teaching of a swear word was ok. He's saying if there is a parenting problem, from his male perspective, he'd rather talk it out. What if the issue at hand was, "I wish my husband hadn't taught our son to limbo?" Would you still be trying to hang him out to dry? He's saying instead of walking out, the OP should have talked about it, and discussed it. I don't see how that's condoning the original behavior.

If you look back at my original post in this thread, you'll see I said:
trishlovesdolphins wrote:
valeriepwp wrote:If your DH uses that word to describe you, talk about you, or calls you that name, he needs to be sleeping in the basement, car, or on the couch until he learns you won't tolerate it. How rude and disrespectful. I would never allow a man to get away with treating me that way.


My thoughts exactly. I'd killed DH if he were to do that. I told him about this thread and his reaction was :shock: .


I find it interesting how much "reading between the lines" is being done to insinuate he somehow supports the idea of teaching children swear words.
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Re: My husband the Idiot (rant)

Postby PulchraPuella on Sat Feb 27, 2010 2:10 pm

Okay...forgive me if I've missed other points in the argument. I stopped on page 3.

Addressed to Trish's DH (if you're still around the boards)

You're right. I don't handle other points of view very well, especially when they are critical of me, my actions, or my opinions. But, so help me, I tried my hardest to read your post with an open mind. I think, for the most part, I succeeded. I do think you have some very valid points; ones that I will try hard to consider the next time something comes up with my man. For example, I probably do tend to talk down to him when I'm angry, and I have a long history of overreacting.

I will ask you to consider the following with the same open mind I tried to maintain with you.

Point one: While I very much appreciate your concern and your attempts to help me (really. no sarcasm.), I would remind you that you are a software engineer, not a relationship counselor.

Point two (one that you have already acknowledged): This was a rant. Pure emotion. I said things that I did not mean, and I overreacted.

Point three: You don't know my husband. If I refer to 'my' son, there's probably a reason. I often feel like a single mom, even though I am married. DH works very hard to support us while I finish school (a fact I am extremely thankful to him for, don't get me wrong), and it seems that makes him think he doesn't need to contribute to our household any more than that. It's not uncommon for me to struggle to feed an infant, entertain a toddler, fold laundry, and do some homework simultaneously while he plays on 'his' PS3. I'm not saying he NEVER pitches in, nor am I saying he's the dad from Hell. I'm just saying that maybe I am allowed to be irritated.

Point four: Trish said earlier in this thread that your reaction to what happened was " :shock: " but now you think it's funny that my toddler used such language? Life is not a movie. When it's YOUR son walking around YOUR mother using language like that because YOUR spouse thought it would be a good laugh to teach it to him, come tell me how funny it is.

Point five: When a woman (or at least when I) walks away from an argument, it's not necessarily because she believes you are not worth arguing with. In this specific case, it was because I was so angry that I knew I would do something I regretted (like say "I wonder daily why I married you", or something else to irrationally hurt him), and I wanted to put some space between us before that happened. It's also not like I walked out while he was speaking. He thought we were done with the discussion, and had turned back to his bowling. I was still itching to fight. So I went to the local library to cool off. He was mad because I didn't tell him where I was going. Which makes sense. I'd be mad too. But when I wrote the original post, I didn't give two fish what he thought and you're right, I was probably trying to irritate him.

That having been said, I do thank you again for your concern and for giving me a male's POV on it all.
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Re: My husband the Idiot (rant)

Postby PulchraPuella on Sat Feb 27, 2010 2:25 pm

MegaDad wrote: I just happened to hit new posts and see "My husband the idiot (rant)" and thought "Damn, wonder what the goof did, this aught to be as good as when the CVS pharmacy guy thought I was feeding out baby sprite in a bottle." I read the OP's first post and felt that I would be remiss if I didn't offer another point of view and was willing to take the heat if it meant bestowing upon XX chromosome land some useful XY chromosome information.


lol!

Honestly, even if we don't see eye-to-eye, it really was nice to have the male POV.
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Re: My husband the Idiot (rant)

Postby MegaDad on Sun Feb 28, 2010 12:15 am

frizzed wrote:Really Trish's Husband, this is your first kid, he is a newborn, so you really have no idea of what is to come, really you don't. You can have all the nieces and nephews and babysit a 1000 kids but until you have your own and experience it first hand, you have no idea.

So? If you note, my postings were in regard to relationships between men and women and the male psyche. I've been in a stable relationship for 15 years and married for nearly 9. I've been a man all my life. I haven't ever offered advice on kids children, so whatever 'idea' I have none of on that subject is pretty much a moot point, no? This thread isn't even about a problem with a child, it's about a problem with a husband.

As for the issue at hand, it is unacceptable to teach your kids that kind of language.

That's your opinion -- it's unacceptable to you. What other people do with their children is really their own business. For the record, it's not acceptable to me either, but I'd laugh when it happened. I'd address it later because at that point in time, I'm far to busy chuckle'n it up and the funny thing my kid just said. And yes, I'd grab the camcorder if I could.
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Re: My husband the Idiot (rant)

Postby MegaDad on Sun Feb 28, 2010 12:55 am

PulchraPuella wrote:I will ask you to consider the following with the same open mind I tried to maintain with you.

It shall be done.

Point one: While I very much appreciate your concern and your attempts to help me (really. no sarcasm.), I would remind you that you are a software engineer, not a relationship counselor.

Yes, it means I'm overly analytical and have no professional training with relationships in the least. I have however been in a stable relationship for 15 years and married for 8. We've beat the statistics, and gained much experience along the way. I'm just hoping some of my experiences and male points of view, including admissions about how we operate and think, help. Just think of it as the guy who's built race cars for 15 years helping out another guy who builds race cars through something he's seen before many times and has a good understanding of -- like rebuilding a certain motor or transmission. Mileage may vary, obviously, but hopefully he's helping by sharing what he knows, right? It would be far more helpful if a factory technician was there from the factory that built the thing he's working on, but the guy with 15 years experience isn't that bad either ;)

Point three: You don't know my husband.
...
I'm just saying that maybe I am allowed to be irritated.

I agree completely.

Point four: Trish said earlier in this thread that your reaction to what happened was " :shock: " but now you think it's funny that my toddler used such language?

I was :shock: when she told me because she thought, when she explained it, that he taught him to call you that, not just say the word. We won't be teaching William any language like that, but I'd laugh if it did come out. Please realize that I'm not laughing at your situation at all.

When it's YOUR son walking around YOUR mother using language like that because YOUR spouse thought it would be a good laugh to teach it to him, come tell me how funny it is.

This is an excellent point. It wouldn't be funny if it continued or caused problems. There's a difference between an unprepared reaction to an unexpected event and an evaluation of a situation over time. My point was about his reaction and your reaction, which is why I made the movie theater hypothetical situation because those people are unprepared and will also have a reaction, granted a much more detached one, and it isn't a direct parallel in the least.

When a woman (or at least when I) walks away from an argument, it's not necessarily because she believes you are not worth arguing with.

I'm aware, but in the heat of the moment, this is what might registers in a man's head because we don't know why you've left and we immediately jump to things like that. Now if you'd been drinking fruit juice all day or chowing down on activia and suddenly disappeared, we'd go in a completely different direction.

That having been said, I do thank you again for your concern and for giving me a male's POV on it all.

No problem at all, I hope it answered some questions. Definitely sorry if it came off harsh sounding or hurtful in any way.
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Re: My husband the Idiot (rant)

Postby epv5 on Mon Mar 01, 2010 10:02 am

I decided to read back thru this whole thread to see what megadad had said that deserved such a tongue-lashing from some of y'all. Couldn't find anything the least bit worthy of some of the bs that's been shoveled his way. I'm totally intrigued by the fact that some of the same women that whole-heartedly endorse their own husband's parenting and "husbanding" strengths, feel the need to bash every man who has ever dared to breech the sanctity of the m2m board. So some of you have some man-hating you need to get off your chest?
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Re: My husband the Idiot (rant)

Postby Neba on Mon Mar 01, 2010 10:23 am

Just for the record (because I am a stay at home mom with experience, I went to college, and grad. school, and I've read Toni Morrison's "Song of Solomon" at least three times...), I don't think you were overreacting to your husband teaching your son the "B" word umpteen months ago, PP. Just sayin'.

How come I never get a freakin' bolded standing ovation or atta girl (which is a phrase I hate in case you were wondering)?
"(Reverend Finley): Sometimes we must come full circle to find the truth. Why does that surprise you? (Scully): Mostly, it just makes me afraid. (Reverend Finley): Afraid? (Scully): Afraid that God is speaking... but that no one's listening." The X-Files
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Re: My husband the Idiot (rant)

Postby hotmomma on Mon Mar 01, 2010 10:53 am

Neba wrote:How come I never get a freakin' bolded standing ovation or atta girl (which is a phrase I hate in case you were wondering)?

Because you still have a Christmas picture as your avatar.
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