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My husband the Idiot (rant)

Re: My husband the Idiot (rant)

Postby valeriepwp on Thu Jun 04, 2009 8:03 am

If your DH uses that word to describe you, talk about you, or calls you that name, he needs to be sleeping in the basement, car, or on the couch until he learns you won't tolerate it. How rude and disrespectful. I would never allow a man to get away with treating me that way.
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Re: My husband the Idiot (rant)

Postby pmonkeefan on Thu Jun 04, 2009 8:15 am

valeriepwp wrote:If your DH uses that word to describe you, talk about you, or calls you that name, he needs to be sleeping in the basement, car, or on the couch until he learns you won't tolerate it. How rude and disrespectful. I would never allow a man to get away with treating me that way.


My thoughts exactly. I'd killed DH if he were to do that. I told him about this thread and his reaction was :shock: .
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Re: My husband the Idiot (rant)

Postby PulchraPuella on Thu Jun 04, 2009 9:15 am

gematree wrote:The idea: Teach your son to call "daddy" a b*tch. When you laugh and think it's funny at "daddy", it might change "daddy's point of view". Nothing like having your kid call you "B*tch" in front of your macho buddies, huh!
"Hey, son, want to have fun with Daddy? Daddy gets a mean face when you call him, (fill in the blank). See mommy's face, it's funny when you call daddy a b*tch! lol Daddy's a b*tch! hahahaha Call daddy a b*tch when he gets home tonight. Okay"
Then take a piece of paper, write the words, I don't get mad, I get even, and hand it to Dad after son calls him the name.

Sometimes men don't get the point until it goes completely through their head and out the other side. But spears are hard to find at K-Mart. :roll:


LMBO!! Gema, I officially love you. If I thought that would actually work, I might be tempted. Unfortunately, DH does not respond to life the way a normal person does. :roll:

And you guessed it. D does not stand for 'dear' in this instance. ;)
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Re: My husband the Idiot (rant)

Postby PulchraPuella on Thu Jun 04, 2009 9:18 am

valeriepwp wrote:If your DH uses that word to describe you, talk about you, or calls you that name, he needs to be sleeping in the basement, car, or on the couch until he learns you won't tolerate it. How rude and disrespectful. I would never allow a man to get away with treating me that way.


No, my husband does not call me that. I'm not sure how it started exactly. I just walked in to the living room and heard, "can you say b*tch?" and then my son repeated the word. I think it had something to do with the bowling on TV. DH was probably insulting one of the bowlers.
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Re: My husband the Idiot (rant)

Postby valeriepwp on Thu Jun 04, 2009 9:47 am

firsttimemommy wrote:
valeriepwp wrote:If your DH uses that word to describe you, talk about you, or calls you that name, he needs to be sleeping in the basement, car, or on the couch until he learns you won't tolerate it. How rude and disrespectful. I would never allow a man to get away with treating me that way.


No, my husband does not call me that. I'm not sure how it started exactly. I just walked in to the living room and heard, "can you say b*tch?" and then my son repeated the word. I think it had something to do with the bowling on TV. DH was probably insulting one of the bowlers.


Glad to know he's not calling you that. Yeah, DS will probably forget that word if he's not reinforced for using it. Luckily, distraction still works well at that age, so each time he says it, ignore it and get him interested in something else.
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Re: My husband the Idiot (rant)

Postby pmonkeefan on Fri Feb 26, 2010 2:15 pm

This is Trish's DH, not trish, posting this -- feel free to reply, I'm sure I'll get wind of it, but I don't cruise this site and just happened to stumble upon this thread by chance when linked to another post. This response is long winded, but worth the read (so says the author, so you know it's true! :lol: )

***MAN POST ALERT*** :shock:

I know you're ranting, and at times ranting is more about letting off steam than wanting an actual answer, especially when the answer(s) is the one I'm about to give you, so please hear me and my unique perspective on this out. I can tell from your post that there are probably "pre-existing conditions" in your relationship, and I don't really know either of you, so for the duration of my reply, I'm going to have to assume that you're both sane adults to some degree :)

PulchraPuella wrote::evil: Would someone please be so kind as to explain to me how the hell I am supposed to raise my son correctly when his idiot of a father thinks it's funny to teach him words like 'b*tch'? :evil:

This tells me three distinct things that I need to address. The first of which is that it is obvious that there is something else going on in your relationship if you're willing to refer to him as "an idiot of a father". That tells me there is a good chance there are other disagreements, probably around the child as well, and that this one is probably more like a straw that broke the camel's back than really that big of a deal if you were to examine it from a distance with a cool head. This brings me to the second thing: It is funny. It may not be funny to you right now in this exact situation, but if you filled a theater with patrons and showed them a baby saying the word bitch on the silver screen, most of them would laugh -- I'd bet good money. Your reason for not finding it funny isn't invalid though -- you have every right to be involved with what is and isn't taught to your children. This brings me to the third thing, the primary point of my entire response here, which is that he as well has that same right, which based on your language, he may feel he is missing out on. Look at what you said -- you asked how YOU are supposed to raise YOUR son. The very language choice you have used offers a view into your impression on the situation, which is that you are primary (if not exclusive) and he is YOURS.

I swear, that man has no brain in his head, and absolutely no respect for me! When I got mad at him after I heard that word come out of our 20 month old son's mouth, he wondered why. He sat there, looking at me, laughing at our son, and told me I was overreacting.

I'm a man. I'm a father. I'm think I'm a pretty good man and father (so far) -- I'm sure you can find evidence of such by recent posts in this very forum from Trish. Having said that, I must say that I agree with him that you're overreacting and I would have also been laughing some SantaClauseWorthy(tm) ho ho hos if I heard that come from my son's mouth. It's also not like he taught him some seriously detrimental behavior like stealing. Show me ten people who have won nobel peace prizes and I'll show you ten people who have said bitch in their life -- the very same ones.

I was so pissed I simply didn't know what to do. So I left for a while to cool off, and now he's at home, angry at me for leaving.

Nothing irritates me more than when my wife disengages the argument and physically leaves. Be honest with yourself -- you know it will irritate him when you do that, and most women know this to be true, if only at a subconscious level, and use it as an argument tactic. Men have an overwhelming desire to fix/repair the issue right there, especially when they feel that they're in right or at least innocent even when in the wrong. To a man, when a woman walks away like this it's like she's saying to him "You're so wrong I don't even want to hear your point of view" or "It doesn't matter what you say, you're wrong, I've declared it!" Not only is it frustrating, it discourages him from talking to you in the future or letting you know how he really feels on things. It's a self-deprecating act that over time slowly denies women the holy grail of a stable relationship with their man: Honest communication. If you continue to disengage and perform the "Whatever walk-off," you're going down the path of relationship destruction.

At this point, I don't want to go home because I know that he won't listen to, understand, or respect my decision, and all we're going to do is get into a big fight before he eventually sinks into a little-boy sulk and refuses to discuss the matter any further.

The language in this quote says so much to me that I honestly don't know where to start. I see four distinct points that need raised. I'll get the simple ones out of the way. Point one: It's not your decision, it's yours and his -- you are both parents. You can't just edict things and then expect him to abide by every one of your edicts. If you want him to do something differently or a certain way, you have to be willing to take input from him as well and consider his thoughts on the child raising. If you don't, you may find him doing little things here and there (like teaching the child naughty words) to at least gain some control -- it may be subconsciously that he does it, or out of spite! Point two: Just because he doesn't agree with you, doesn't mean he isn't listening and doesn't understand. My wife says the same two things when we have disagreements and I don't admit defeat -- that I'm either not listening or I don't understand. Honestly, this is a gender thing -- we're wired differently, men and women. I may take some flack on this site for saying it, but it's my MALE opinion that when a woman can't convince somebody of something, it is almost unfathomable to them that there is an alternative interpretation of the facts -- the other party obviously didn't get the facts (see: listen) or understand them, which often gets turned into "You're not paying attention!" at times. Men will want to endlessly debate until you see things their way, and in the end, if you don't, they'll be OKAY with agreeing to disagree forever if you cannot convince them. Sound familiar to anyone else? The kicker here is that it's really not that big of a deal to a man when that happens, and we'll forget about it, but to his wife, oh buddy, the fact that he won't see it her way will eat at her and may be ready to fly out at the next opportunity to argue on ANY subject. This is a vicious cycle and understanding it is, for both parties, is KEY to not letting it own and operate your relationship. This brings me to point three: When he refuses to discuss it any further he has reached the point where he realizes that the only course is agree to disagree. Perhaps he will do what you want, perhaps he wont -- depends on how you asked him. Did you treat him like an equal parent and respectfully ask him to not do that, that it really bothers you, or did you talk down to him? If my wife sincerely asks me to do something for her because it means a lot to her, I do it. I can't think of one time I didn't. Men are males, we have testosterone, and a kickable place that produces copious amounts of it -- we can't help that we're dominating creatures, even if we don't realize we're doing it. By consulting and working with us on something you want changed, you're not dominating us on an issue, you're allowing us to make our own decision, and most times that times that decision will be to respect our significant others' wishes/concerns because we care about you. If you try to dominate a man, you're going to get nowhere. We may not be the readily sexist and controlling "1940's head of the household" man from yesteryear, but we like to at least be in control of our own actions. This brings me to point four: Your referral to his disengagement as "little-boy sulk" tells me you're, perhaps not intentionally, casting him as a child and you as the parent in a relationship that should be equal over all on average, regardless of the things a mother brings more of than a father (of which there are plenty, most men will agree). You can't just "pull mommy rank" on him. Mother and Father bring in different aspects to the raising of a child, and you can't treat him as if he is subservient to you as a parent -- this goes straight back to us being dominant creatures, it will never work. You'd be surprised how many things we will agree to or submit to your potentially better judgment on in relation to child raising -- chances are you have researched it more, or were raised to know it, or have a better gut feeling about it just from nature, and we're [men] probably more ready to yield the floor to you in terms of the child than you realize, assuming you don't cross some very easy to avoid lines, once you see them.

I wonder daily why I ever married this man.

That's kind of a terrible thing to say! I'm sure it is out of frustration and you're lashing out, but heaven forbid he would hear that! Hopefully some of my testosterone injected male insights will be helpful as it sounds like there's a much deeper relationship issue going on here and I know that we [men] don't generally offer up explanations into our psyche like I have here today. I'm betting that the children are just the unfortunate "battleground" at the moment because, well, guess where the vast majority of your time is spent :shock: Hopefully I've helped and I haven't hit any nerves too bad... just remember though, that if you don't see my points, I'm content to agree to disagree :mrgreen:
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Re: My husband the Idiot (rant)

Postby ProxyMom on Fri Feb 26, 2010 2:47 pm

ITA. I taught DS to call DH's mom the 'C' word. I thought it was hilarious -- and he got soo mad. I was like, "Whatever, I'm a parent too -- and it's DARNED funny. Don't go stomping off! Come back here -- you can teach him some names too!!!"

Thank you for agreeing with me.
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Re: My husband the Idiot (rant)

Postby cnnplus5 on Fri Feb 26, 2010 3:33 pm

Oh my gosh Proxy! I can't stop laughing :D :D :D :D :D :D

Trish's husband: you need to get out more, that WAS really loooooonnnnnnnnggggggg......
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Re: My husband the Idiot (rant)

Postby pmonkeefan on Fri Feb 26, 2010 3:43 pm

ProxyMom wrote:ITA. I taught DS to call DH's mom the 'C' word. I thought it was hilarious -- and he got soo mad. I was like, "Whatever, I'm a parent too -- and it's DARNED funny. Don't go stomping off! Come back here -- you can teach him some names too!!!"

Thank you for agreeing with me.


DH here again. Your reply is a red herring. You're trying to invalidate all of my points without addressing any of them by citing a far more extreme hypothetical example that simply didn't happen. I'm willing to partake in civil discourse, but if you're going to sarcastically put words in my mouth, I'll just have to ignore you and wait for other more civil individuals who might appreciate conversing with a father who would be willing to write a nearly 2000 word reply to a complete stranger in hopes it would help their relationship. I'm a software engineer, so I can type with the quickness, but I don't have the patience for wasted time.

cnnplus5 wrote:Trish's husband: you need to get out more, that WAS really loooooonnnnnnnnggggggg......

A smaller font size will help in this department: http://www.microsoft.com/enable/trainin ... btext.aspx
:ugeek:
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Re: My husband the Idiot (rant)

Postby valeriepwp on Fri Feb 26, 2010 3:59 pm

trishlovesdolphins wrote:
ProxyMom wrote:ITA. I taught DS to call DH's mom the 'C' word. I thought it was hilarious -- and he got soo mad. I was like, "Whatever, I'm a parent too -- and it's DARNED funny. Don't go stomping off! Come back here -- you can teach him some names too!!!"

Thank you for agreeing with me.


DH here again. Your reply is a red herring. You're trying to invalidate all of my points without addressing any of them by citing a far more extreme hypothetical example that simply didn't happen. I'm willing to partake in civil discourse, but if you're going to sarcastically put words in my mouth, I'll just have to ignore you and wait for other more civil individuals who might appreciate conversing with a father who would be willing to write a nearly 2000 word reply to a complete stranger in hopes it would help their relationship. I'm a software engineer, so I can type with the quickness, but I don't have the patience for wasted time.

cnnplus5 wrote:Trish's husband: you need to get out more, that WAS really loooooonnnnnnnnggggggg......

A smaller font size will help in this department: http://www.microsoft.com/enable/trainin ... btext.aspx
:ugeek:


We want the real Trish back
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