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I'm back and I need help.

I'm back and I need help.

Postby dollarfifty on Fri Mar 02, 2012 8:44 pm

Ok, maybe I don't need help since I've already made a decision. I took on 2 young kids after thier mother died. ( my sisters kids) But after 6 years I am sending them back home, to g-ma's house. They grew up there, with g-ma and mom and dad. At least till they we;re six and seven. They are happy with this at the moment as am I. But is it OK to feel happy to get me and my kids life back in order(they are 17 and 23 and live at home)
I am confused and don't know if I'm doing the right thing.
When their mom died, I took them away from all they knew and now I'm going to give them back.
They have more family there than they do here.
Little 12 yr old girl loves and connected with her g-ma, but her,(my niece) and I fight all the time. She's in counsling as is her brother but even the counslor says maybe this move is for the best.
I feel relived but so sad at the same time. I tried, but feel like I've faild. G=ma says I taught them many things in the 6 years, but now it's her turn. That makes me feels a bit better, but still......
Think about it. How whould you handle your siblings kids?
I feel like I've failed my sister in some way.
I'm so far behind I think I'm first.
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Re: I'm back and I need help.

Postby JayhawkKaty on Fri Mar 02, 2012 9:22 pm

Wow! That is a big decision! I wouldn't look at it as failing your sister; after all, you did take them in for several years. How far away does Grandma live? It probably doesn't mean stepping out of their lives forever. Like you said, too, everyone seems to agree it's for the best.

With that said, I totally get the mixed feelings. Hugs!
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Re: I'm back and I need help.

Postby dollarfifty on Fri Mar 02, 2012 10:12 pm

I won't be out of their lives. I want to be the fun and generous Aunt and Uncle we used to be when my sister was alive. We always gave them the biggest and best presents because we knew sis was in hardships. (Kids asked her once if we we're rich b/c we had a tv in our van)
I Love them, but I can;t raise them any more. Their gra-ma can do a better job. Her boyfriend is active and takes them to all heights where all I can do is grocery shopping. SAD!
And expect more surgery to help me feel better.




















aunt
I'm so far behind I think I'm first.
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Re: I'm back and I need help.

Postby mamalackey on Fri Mar 02, 2012 11:27 pm

I think it's ok to feel what you feel.

You are not sending them to someone who will harm them. You are not abandoning them. You are trying to do something good.

Cut yourself some slack. Your sister might well say the same thing.

Hugs, my friend.

eta: If you get negativity from anyone, tell them to go jump in a lake and quit taking their calls, emails, fb posts, etc. You don't need it nor do you have to take it.
Real generosity is doing something nice for someone who will never find out. ~Frank A. Clark
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Re: I'm back and I need help.

Postby sahmiam43 on Sat Mar 03, 2012 8:19 am

mamalackey wrote:Cut yourself some slack. Your sister might well say the same thing.

Hugs, my friend.

eta: If you get negativity from anyone, tell them to go jump in a lake and quit taking their calls, emails, fb posts, etc. You don't need it nor do you have to take it.


All this!

It sounds like you love them enough to let them go to where they will be happier instead of keeping them under your roof out of obligation. You love them! They know that and your sister did, too. It really sounds like a wonderful opportunity for all involved!

eta: And you will ALWAYS be family, nothing will take that away.
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Re: I'm back and I need help.

Postby Dawn on Sat Mar 03, 2012 9:37 am

You are doing what is best. Sounds like everyone in the situation is "cool" with it. You write about fatigue. I think you need to take some time to rest a while, take a break. Then, if you still feel weary, go get a check up. Of course, you might be tired as a result of all the stress and memories. I know I'd be thinking of my sister a lot in this type of situation and would likely come back to grief for a while.
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Re: I'm back and I need help.

Postby dollarfifty on Sat Mar 03, 2012 12:02 pm

Thanks friends! Yes Dawn, I am tired. I also have continuing pain that wears me out. I go get that checked next week. It doesn't help that I fight with my neice almost daily.
But now that they know after this school year they will be going to g-ma's house, the stress level has dropped.
Thanks again for the encouraging words. :D
I'm so far behind I think I'm first.
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Re: I'm back and I need help.

Postby mighty on Sat Mar 03, 2012 12:45 pm

I congratulate you on helping your sister and her kids! Not everyone would do what you did.

You've done your best, and part of that is doing what's best for them, you and your family.

You've acted out of love, and that's not always easy (but you already know that).

You did the right thing. We should all have as much love and courage as you do.
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Re: I'm back and I need help.

Postby dollarfifty on Sat Mar 03, 2012 5:15 pm

Thank you Mighty. The kids are excited to be with cousins and other family members again. Even tho they have friends here too. They will be able to come back and visit us and their friends. Just like they got to go back to Warsaw and visit thru the years. Each day that goes by I'm feeling better about this as are the rest of the family. We have talked and hugged more.
So far so good.
I'm so far behind I think I'm first.
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Re: I'm back and I need help.

Postby JoLynne on Sun Mar 04, 2012 3:01 pm

Sounds like everyone wants what is best for the children. You did not fail. You did your best. The children are loved. All will be well.
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