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Fair?Opposite Sex Overnight Guests

Fair?Opposite Sex Overnight Guests

Postby LilacLover on Wed Apr 07, 2010 8:41 am

My daughter (18) and her Dad are locking horns! He allowed her older brother (20) to have his girlfriend spend the night, yet this is off limits for my daughter to do when she is over.

I know it isn't fair, but I can only control what goes on at my house and AT my house NO boyfriends or girlfriends spend the night.

The thing is, she doesn't even have a boyfriend currently. She is stubborn though and has decided to tell her Dad off about this. :evil:

It is hard to know just how involved I should be. :?

Do you allow your adult children to have over night guests of the opposite sex? What are your boundaries on this? Age? Length of relationship? If they are engaged?

I may call her Dad to talk, but I need to think it over first.

My daughter is OUTRAGED at his sexual discrimination---and when she is angry WATCH OUT-- :evil: :evil: :evil:

Most importantly, I agree with her-

What do you think? Advice
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Re: Fair?Opposite Sex Overnight Guests

Postby Neba on Wed Apr 07, 2010 8:48 am

I don't care how old my kids are (I say as all my children are currently under the age of 9). If they stay at my house and they are unmarried, but with a significant other, then that "other" will be staying in their own room. My house...my rules.

Edited to add:
As per your daughter's situation with her father. I would stay out of that mess and let her battle it on her own, and I say bully for her to make it known that a double-standard is occurring. I can't imagine he'll budge on it, though. Maybe it's that "daddy's little girl" thing?
"(Reverend Finley): Sometimes we must come full circle to find the truth. Why does that surprise you? (Scully): Mostly, it just makes me afraid. (Reverend Finley): Afraid? (Scully): Afraid that God is speaking... but that no one's listening." The X-Files
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Re: Fair?Opposite Sex Overnight Guests

Postby honeypie on Wed Apr 07, 2010 8:59 am

When my son's girlfriend is here, she sleeps in a separate room. We haven't run into this with my daughter, but the rule will be the same.
Let your daughter fight this battle with her dad. Just listen to her and be glad she talks to you.
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Re: Fair?Opposite Sex Overnight Guests

Postby hotmomma on Wed Apr 07, 2010 9:03 am

I don't think it's a double standard. DS is over 18. But, I can see where DD would be mad.

At your house, it's your rules. You can certainly put your thoughts out there to your ex, I don't know what kind of relationship you have with him, but hopefully this is something you can talk over.

At my house, an unmarried child will not have a significant other spending the night in their room. I dont' care how old they are.
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Re: Fair?Opposite Sex Overnight Guests

Postby sashamae on Wed Apr 07, 2010 9:29 am

Hmmm any overnight guest when I was growing up had to sleep in the guest room or on the couch. And the only occasion that it was really ever allowed was when I was engaged . . .

My parents were firm believers in this person has their own home and they need to go to it. I was also expected to come home each night because I had a home as well!


(my kids are 2 and 4 so I haven't had any problems with them yet!)
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Re: Fair?Opposite Sex Overnight Guests

Postby valeriepwp on Wed Apr 07, 2010 9:54 am

Neba wrote:I don't care how old my kids are (I say as all my children are currently under the age of 9). If they stay at my house and they are unmarried, but with a significant other, then that "other" will be staying in their own room. My house...my rules.

Edited to add:
As per your daughter's situation with her father. I would stay out of that mess and let her battle it on her own, and I say bully for her to make it known that a double-standard is occurring. I can't imagine he'll budge on it, though. Maybe it's that "daddy's little girl" thing?



Yeah, all of this
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Re: Fair?Opposite Sex Overnight Guests

Postby love2seeclay on Wed Apr 07, 2010 11:28 am

(Coming from a mom of a 8 and 6 year old)

If they're an adult, and they want to visit me and bring along a significant other? Fine. I hate to break it to you - but they're doing it outside of your house too. After they're 18 they can legally do whatever they want. I'm not about to ruin my relationship with my children over something that is already going on.

I am more progressive along these lines. My husband and I lived together for almost 3 years before getting married. I lived with someone else prior to him. To me it's the only way to REALLY know if you get along. You'd better bet when we visited his mother we stayed in the same room. (Or I would not have stayed!) My husband and I will celebrate 10 years of marriage next month. That's more than I can say for some others who never lived together before. :?
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Re: Fair?Opposite Sex Overnight Guests

Postby Horton on Wed Apr 07, 2010 12:27 pm

One of the great things about being 18 is you're an adult, so if the house rules don't suit you, you can move out. I'm a big believer in "my house, my rules." You don't have to agree with them, you just have to follow them.

I can't say "I would never," because I haven't been presented with this situation yet, but I don't plan to allow significant others to spend the night over here. Unless, you know, there's a massive snow storm outside or some other crazy circumstance. Even then... it's Couch City, baby.

I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your ex, but I wouldn't see this as a battle worth getting into.
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Re: Fair?Opposite Sex Overnight Guests

Postby 83hwy on Wed Apr 07, 2010 2:25 pm

The guest bed is ready for any company we have. If the adults (over 18) decide to share a bed, I'm not doing a Bed Check and ordering one to leave. Overnight means one night maybe two. More nights means get a hotel or your own place.
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Re: Fair?Opposite Sex Overnight Guests

Postby ProxyMom on Wed Apr 07, 2010 3:56 pm

I don't think it's all that outrageous. She doesn't even have a boyfriend, right? And she's only 18. It seems like the Dad is trying to avoid one night stands. Maybe if she was 20 and had a serious boyfriend, his rule would be different. Maybe not, who knows? If she really feels it is unfair, she should stay at a hotel. I can't imagine telling my parents they HAD to let me sleep with someone under their roof. Well, I can imagine it -- but the scenario doesn't really go well for me. :) Aside from that, why would you want to? I remember being pretty uncomfortable with my parents making up just 1 room whenever my live-in boyfriend & I would come to visit. But, you know, I'm very prudish.
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