• Analyze THIS

    I rarely write down my dreams, but I had a dream last night that was so vivid and so strange that I can't get it out of my mind. I dreamed that I became the mother of quintuplets - all boys. But wait ... that's the tame part of the dream. Keep reading.

    The dream began right after I had the babies. Sort of. I was in a Target store and kept running to the back of the store to check on the babies because, apparently, in addition to housing inventory, the back room also served as a medical facility. I think I kept running back and forth because I had the twin DDs with me in the store, although they didn't appear in the dream. I was wearing clothes I normally wear and had my makeup and hair done. No signs of pregnancy or of having just given birth minutes before. It was just a typical day in my life other than the nurses, with the help of two of my older nephews, just kept bringing baby boy after baby boy and placing them side-by-side in a hospital-type bassinet. The babies were fraternal and wrapped burrito-style in white blankets. The nurses asked me what I wanted to name them. I said, "Well, one is Adam Edward and another is Christopher James. I have no idea about the other names because my husband and I only picked out two boys names. I'll have to wait until he gets back to talk to him about it." I have no idea where DH was, but the feeling I got from the dream was that he was either at work or out of town. Suddenly, in the dream, it hit me that I would need five more car seats. I remember thinking that there was no way I could fit five more car seats into my Ford Escape. I realized then that we were going to have to buy a minivan. Then I started wondering how I was going to haul seven kids to the doctor, the store, and anywhere else I wanted to go. And, I began wondering how I was going to feed five babies because handling the twins was a struggle. I wasn't panicked or upset, just sort of stunned that I hadn't thought through all of the details in the time preceding the arrival of my sons. And then I woke up.


    My sister, niece and I cruised down to Union Station last Saturday night to enjoy a performance of “A Grand Night for Singing.” When we arrived, I knew I was going to have to tell them about my “little problem.”


    Me: Um, I have to warn you. I might fall asleep. If I do, wake me up, ok?


    This morning I finally finished reading Little Women for the very first time. Yeah, I know, very old school. While I found it a little sappy in places and exhausted my brain at times from picking through Louisa May Alcott's verbose writing style, I finished the book feeling inspired, hopeful, and well, normal.

    The book was published in 1868, at a time when women were mainly for decoration. Yet, that's not how Alcott portrayed them. That women had her finger on the pulse of society. The March women were smart, artistic, and wise. The situations and feelings that the March girls experienced are just as relevant to women today, from Jo's desire for independence, to Meg's struggles as a newly married woman and mother of twins, to Amy's longing to fit in with a certain crowd, to Beth's struggle with her inevitable death at a young age. Marmee's advice to her daughters about love, marriage, and children is timeless, and I can only hope to have that type of wisdom for and patience with my own girls. Marmee spoke from her heart and from her experience without passing judgement. Below are two of the many passage that have stayed with me through the course of the book. Thought I'd share ...


    This past Saturday night, I got to have a much-needed girls night out. I met up with five friends, each of whom I had seen maybe twice in the five years I lived on the East Coast. (BTW, we went to the Yard House at The Legends. Pretty good food, but what attracted me was the 130 beers on tap. Yum-mee! Breckenridge Vanilla Stout was my friend Saturday night.)

    But I digress. These five women weren't just any women. They were women who have known me for a miniumum of 10 years each. Some of them I have even considered asking to be the guardian of my girls should anything happen to both myself and my DH. With these ladies, I can say anything and do anything without being judged. Held accountable, yes. Judged, no. When I told them that the day before I had sat sobbing on the floor in my DDs room because I felt like a total mom failure, they shared their own perceived failures with me. When I said I got grumpy with my babies for no good reason and felt guilty, they backed me up with personal stories from the times when they felt the same way. When I said that some days I just feel so alone, like no one understands, I found out that, at the very least, these five women do understand. When I admitted that I don't think I'm SAHM material, they just said simply, "Some women aren't. So what?" Saturday night, for three hours, we each got to talk openly and honestly about our kids, husbands and lives. It felt freaking great! Turns out, we have all gone through, or are going through, similar experieces.

    Being Present

    I'm on my second stint as a SAHM. From the time the girls arrived until they were 8 months old, I had the opportunity to stay home with them. We had our good days and our not-so-good days, but overall I really enjoyed that time with them. When the new school year started, I chose to return to work (I'm a teacher.) It was a tough year, but we made it. Since my time with the girls was limited, I tried my best to be present, to be in the moment, when I was with them.

    When we decided to move back to KC, I again had the opportunity to stay home with them. I wanted to make sure they were ok with the transition to a new house, new places, new people. Since they were older (20 months), I envisioned days filled with shopping adventures, dance parties, book marathons, outdoor exploration, and non-stop giggling. They would always want to be with me, and I with them. I was going to savor every moment. And I did ... for a little while.