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First, to start off, I have to give a little history. My ex and I divorced about 7 years ago. He was using drugs, specifically crack. He sucked every dime he could from our household, not only in the green paper form but also materially. He destroyed all of my trust, by having an affair not only with another woman, but also with this mystical rock that swipes away one's mind and soul. I won't make him take all of the blame, as I let it go too far. I was terrified to be on my own, was sure that I didn't have it in me to raise four children on my own. I was wrong, so very wrong. I amazed myself by coming a long ways. Right after our divorce, he ran away to Florida, where there were people that could enable him as there were no people left of that nature in Kansas City. He found a girl, spent some time in prison, and eventually fathered another child with this woman. He cleaned himself up, or so we thought. They moved back to Kansas City and lived there little life in Leavenworth.
The kids were happy to be closer to their dad, though I did not share their enthusiasm. I am one of those that has to see it to believe it. Well, for about four months they visited about every other weekend..things were good. Plans were made for the summer. Then, the floor drops out from under us. He starts using drugs, again. Who knows, maybe he had been and I didn't know. I don't know, I don't care. I couldn't let the kids be a part of this. He went to treatment and stayed in a halfway house. In and out, a revolving door. Finally, around my DS's birthday, October, he called. He wanted to spend some time with Gabe. My ex can't drive, he doesn't have a license because he won't pay child support. So, with hesitation, I agree to pick him up and we will go out with the kids. We go, he isn't there, and we wait and wait. My son, bless his heart, says maybe he has an appointment he forgot. Their innocence, so divine! No, he went out after he got paid and got high...forget his children, his responsibility. I was livid.
Plans were made again in February and I wasn't going to tell the kids, just in case. We were just going to go for a drive. But, he told them on the phone. Thankfully, I didn't have to drive to BFE to meet, because I received a call from him. He was in the hospital, he had been beaten up. I didn't ask for details and I won't even say what I was wishing at that point.
Now we are at tonight. The other day my 8 yr old DS called his dad. "I want to see you" he begged. How can I say no. My son wants some normalcy, though I know in my heart he will never get it. We make plans. I drive all the way over to the Dotte from Blue Springs. He isn't there, he won't answer his cell phone. Nothing. My son crying, "I can't stop thinking about my dad!" Disheartened, it is the only word I can use to describe how I feel. My heart aches for my children at all of these disappointments. I want to shield them and I feel like I should do more. But I don't know how. I am afraid if I say no, they will blame me, yet in my heart it is him that disappoints.
Hugs to you and your kids. Could they write a letter/picture and give to the their dad and tell him how they feel?My heart aches for your children, too. The letter idea sounds like a good one, whether or not it's ever delivered.Any chance local mental health services would be available to you and yours? They might be able to offer some ways in which to understand what is happening and why. This might take the burden of explaining off of you and would give you the chance to show your compassion toward them because of what dad is doing. That's my idea for a place to start. Hold fast, breathe deep, trust your kids.Thanks for the hugs and words of encouragement. The kids have been in counseling before and it looks like we will be back. We changed insurance this year and I need to start looking for someone new, hopefully close to home (Blue Springs).Wow, mygr8crew - that's tough. What an amazing Mom you are! Don't give up trying to protect your kids - that's your job. Do you have other male role models in your life, like a brother, uncles, grandpa that can fill the Dad role for your son to help ease his emotional pain? You are in a tough spot and I commend you for not giving up. In the future your son will see the truth for what it is.
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