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Lindsay Metcalf
on May 22 2013 - 06:00 AM
When that tornado siren sounds, I'm in the basement
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mara williams
on May 21 2013 - 06:00 AM
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Just as I was rifling through the racks Saturday, passing on the $6 toddler garage sale jeans for the $4 ones, I heard the man’s words as if he shouted them in my ear.
“Oh, now you’re a healthy one,” he bellowed to a baby hidden behind all the racks and other moms searching for good buys. “I love the healthy ones. A lot more to love, I say. Ours was a big one, too.”
Sometimes don’t you just want to smack people? Just knock them in a head and say, shut the heck up.
Here was a woman going about her own business, trying to get a good deal, with her baby in tow. And then all of a sudden a man standing four feet from her decides to size up her child.
Now his intention, I’m sure, was to complement her baby. To say that there’s really nothing cuter than a chubby little baby. To feel some sort of bond with the mother.
But as a mom of a child who once was a very robust, very round - OK, he was pretty fat - baby, his words sent me over the edge and back 12 years in time when I was a young mom of my oldest.
Coming into this world at 9 lbs, 9 oz, it was pretty much a given he would be a big baby. I thought it was great. To me, there really is nothing cuter than a chubby little baby.
Then the strangers on the street chimed in. I heard words like “healthy” and “hearty” and phrases like “Now, I bet he doesn’t miss a meal,” and “Oh look at the rolls on his wrists, it’s like he’s wearing rubber bands.”
And then there’s my personal favorite: “That’s the fattest baby I’ve ever seen.”
That came one night as my oldest’s dad, my sister and I were headed into a restaurant. I had just put a new outfit on him, one that would fit a baby twice his age, and I was feeling pretty proud. At the table, I just cried and cried (and I’m not really a crier). Was my baby really fat? Maybe. But who cares? I really wanted to go tell the woman that she was wearing an ugly dress, but what would that have accomplished?
Now that my son (who BTW loves stories about how he was a fat baby) has matured quite a bit, he reminded me of one thing: “It’s all right if you think something about me, but you get mad if someone else does.”
So he’s saying I’m a mom, right?
At the sale, I kept feeling for this mom and wondered how she would respond. I mean, would she take it in the spirit it was (probably) intended, with the emphasis more on the cute than on the fat? Or would she take it like I did?
In the end she just smiled and nodded, which is all I did back then too. But I wondered if behind that slightly forced smile she was vowing to never, ever tell another mother her chubby baby looked “healthy” or that he probably never missed a meal.
People used to make comments like that about one of my girls too. What really makes me sad is that I heard it so much, I believed them. When I go back and look at pictures of her at her "big baby" stage, I get angry all over again. She was (and is) adorable. She was not a thin baby, but she was not fat. All these unwelcome comments from strangers and relatives really ruined my memories of that time in her life. I look back now and think people are nuts. This kid was adorable and had such personality (and she's still a sweet, adorable kid!) I wish people would just mind their own business!These are the same people who feel totally free to walk up to a bulging pregnant woman they've never laid eyes on before in their lives and put their hands on her stomach (exclaiming, "Wow! You must be due any day now! You look like you're going to POP!!!"). It's rude and inconsiderate and there's just no way around it. Cute, not cute, or otherwise, you'd never walk up to Mr. Protruding Beer Belly, put your hand on his stomach and crow, "BOY, YOU'RE A HEALTHY ONE!!! I BET YOU NEVER MISS A MEAL!!!"I have small children though I am a bigger mom. They are short, landing on the 10th percentile or less. This is my 6th baby and she is round, mostly in her thighs and bottom. I hear for the first time all the time how big my baby is. I went to the doctor with her, and she's actually in the 28th percentile in weight for her age. It's really odd how "big" she is. I think it's just that she again is short, and nurses a lot...so she's retained some weight. I don't mind anymore what people say about a child's size as long as they are under one year old. Comments to children above that age I think are rude as they may get the idea that there is something wrong with their size. My 7 year old boy actually has a bone age of 4 1/2. He is always the shortest and smallest, mistaken for a 4 year old when he's nearly 8. He takes it in stride on the outside, but hears it constantly how cute he is. As a mom, I do know he's short and has been all his life. I worried about him feeling small for a while, and still do. However, for him it is the truth, he's short as kindergarteners though he's in 2nd grade. What can I do? I just tell him he may be small...but he's mighty.To Jennifer Brown: I love this children's book: Stand Tall, Molly Lou Mellon. Even tho the main character is a girl, your son may appreciate it anyway. Also, it is below his reading level but I am 35 and still smile when I read it to my 4 year old!Also, I might add that I agree, why don't people mind their own business? Why is it that it's OK to make comments about your child but not to an adult? You don't see one adult approaching another, saying "hey, you're the fattest adult that I've ever seen".I also went through this, my son was 9lb, 13 oz at birth and was always 100% in weight and height! I would hear some of the exact comments that you mentioned, but I looked at it as, as long as my doctor thought his weight was okay, then so would I!!! We also had the "oh, she's so cute" comments! He didn't have his first haircut until he was 1 year old.....we were at Walmart and he was dressed totally in BLUE and someone made that comment - I was quite to respond - he's a BOY!!!!!!!You're right, I'm sure the guy meant it in a nice way. People always said my oldest was "healthy." Except my grandma, who informed me when Joe got croup at 4 months that "fat babies with no necks get croup." Gee, thanks, Grandma. Actually, she was right (on the no neck-croup connection,) but she might have thought about her delivery a little. :)I definately think people are being friendly but don't know the effect they have on us or worse, a child who has to interpret the words they said.I love chubby babies! The fatter the better. In fact, I will insult the other way and say that scrawny babies look like little E.T.'s sticking out their big ole' heads on little bitty scrawny necks!Of course, I get just the opposite with my DD because she's always been on the small side. I get asked if she doesn't eat or don't I feed her. Just one more opportunity for rude people to point anything that isn't considered average.I called both my girls Buddha babies. I LOVE chubby babies! And perhaps I've offended someone who was sensitive about the roundness of her baby and I didn't know it. It just would never occur to me that it might sound like an insult instead of a compliment. I haven't, though, walked up to a strange pregnant woman and touched her belly. That certainly crossed the line for me, as did strangers touching my baby.
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