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mara williams
on May 21 2013 - 06:00 AM
Summer break has this mom on a house upkeep war path.
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Go ahead, get it over with.
Just call me an old fashioned, refuse-to-be-hip mom still caught in the days of Opie Taylor and his years later counterpart Richie Cunningham. I’ll even agree with you. (And I’m only 37).
But I can’t help it. I admit it. I have a problem with the shaggy, looks-like-I-haven't combed-or-showered-or-done-much-of-anything-hygienic-in-the-last-three-days look. I mean, when’s the last time you saw a good, tight buzz cut on a boy who actually wanted one? Don’t you miss the clean-cut look? The look fresh from the shower, the hair so short it’s as if the kid sits in the barber’s chair three days a week
Such is the dilemma in our house. Oldest wants long hair, he wants it cool like a couple kids he knows where it curls up at the bottom and hangs way past his ears. All the teen shows have the long hair. Those High School Musical kids look as if they borrowed their girlfriends’ curling brush.
And I, well, love it short, short, short. With a little gel. (yes, I know, that’s so 2001) For years, I just kept his hair military short. I’d hear his complaints, but my husband still pulled out the clippers. When we were done, it was a pretty good High and Tight, not unlike the look State troopers sport. On an elementary schooler I thought it was way cute.
Now, though, as he gets older I’m heeding the advice of a colleague – don’t fight the hair. Draw the line on piercings, give freedom with the hair. Hair, you can cut. But holes in the body are a little more lasting.
Truth is, I’d like nothing better than to sneak up on him while he’s dazed in front of video games and let the clippers buzz across his head. Just thinking about that makes me happy.
Yet, it grows longer and longer. Now past his ears with really no shape at all. The curl still hasn’t happened, but he’s hoping. He loves the look even without it and I’ve become that old lady in church that sees the long hair and just shakes her head.
What is it about my length of my kid's hair - or any kid for that matter - that makes me so judgemental? I truly used to be one of those crazy snots who saw long hair on a boy and figured he was a little unruly. Someone who slacked off a bit and dismissed authority. I got all that from a hairstyle? (yeah, I know, the 60s wouldn't have been for me.)
But when your own kid starts wearing it like that you see yourself for the judging Judy you really are. And suddenly you’re helping him fix it so it looks better. We’ve gone from gel to mousse and on good days spend a few minutes with the blow dryer. Hey, if it’s going to be long it doesn’t have to be dull. Let’s pep it up a bit.
My colleague is a smart woman. Really, what's wrong with a little long hair on a kid who's fighting for some independence, his own identity? So I'm trying. But a piercing? He better not even ask.
haha, my son was 9 when we let him get a mohawk(sp) and 10 with his first tail. But for the most part he's been wanting it buzzed off or a high and tight (we were in the marine corps). I'm hoping when the time comes I'll be a cool mom and let his hair grow out, but only if he can keep it looking nice and not ragged. As for piercings, maybe one but not in nipples, nose or other places....only the ear.My son went through a stage where he wore it long, and honestly looked like a girl for a while! Also, beware the time when showering is not very desirable to him. When my son was about 10-13, he smelled a lot! Then, he got interested in girls, and we could barely keep him out of the shower!I am a substitute teacher and have had a few cases where I couldn't tell if a kid was a boy or a girl! I really can't stand the long hair on boys younger than middle school. Also, the obnoxious t-shirts with sayings on them. You know the parents are buying these shirts and letting the hair grow long. Someone needs to tell the parents that they are in charge!My 9 yr old is a great student, a funny and entertaining kid well liked by most adults( if not all). He has an outgoing and friendly personality, gets along great with his older sister and younger brother and says he wants to be a pastor when he grows up ( or a baseball player-- " like Damon"). The most trouble he gets in is for talking or singing too loudly, or jumping on the couch.My hair hits about chin length. His hair reaches his shoulders and he begs me to put temporary purple, green or blue streaks in it. Sometimes I do. His Dad likes it long. I do too if it's brushed and cut in layers. My 3 yr old also has longer hair than me both of htem have been mistaken for girls- they are very polite about it. It's just hair! If people judge them for it and think they are wild, unruly,rebellious and uncared for-- well, they are about to learn a lesson in looking beyond the surface! I'm glad you are evolving! Thanks for sharing!ValeriePWP, we're in that stage now. Long hair and stinky. He'll even come out of the shower smelling bad! I think he just rinses off to appease us! We told my DSS, age 15, that if he wanted long hair, he'd have to be responsible for keeping it up, and it couldn't grow over his eyes or past his shoulders. We've had to remind him of this agreement a few times, but, as much as I despise the look, it's what he's got.I favor a clean-cut look, too, but you're right: it's only hair. Easier to undo a bad 'do than a tat or a piercing. Luckily for us, our oldest has thick, straight hair with lots of cowlicks. When it gets longer, it never looks like he wants it to, and it makes him hot. So he wears his hair short.Hair is just not the battle I am going to fight. My 13 year old is a good kid, gets the good grades, is a Boy Scout, etc., but it is his head and his hair. It's the person under the shaggy mane that is my main concern!OK....Ladies, the hair...Don't make a huge issue over it. I must agree, its only hair! I felt the some way when my son was like, 5 yo. The shorter the better!! We did the gel and spike look...we did it ALL!! A co-worker of mine several years ago had an older son who had the "long" hair and stated, "its only hair, it can be cut", that statement stayed with me. My son grew his hair long is senior year of high school into college. He finally cut it after having 10 inches hanging off the back in a ponytail. He has beautiful hair with one curl and wave on top of the other. We donated the ponytail to "Locks Of Love" He now keeps his hair short at the nape with those "not fair" curls!!! I do understand the long hair issues....I had my opinion on long hair, and my son was not going to be one of "those" guys with hair longer than mine. I ate those words...Its only a phase. And when they get out in the "Real" world, they do eventually GET IT and the long hair goes....Hang in there!!!My boys have long hair. With so many other health issues or fads that they could have, hair is the least of my worries. I gladly let them keep long hair as long as they keep it clean and combed. As long as they are doing good in school and being respectful young men it doesn't bother me. Life and childhood is too short to worry about the little things. Once they get it out of their system now it probably won't be an issue in adulthood."haven't combed,showered,or done much of anything hygenic in the last three days"???? What? That's a little extreme isn't it? Gee whiz, it's only hair, and a little freedom for a young boy to find his way into having his own balance in what works for HIM instead of what works for his parents all the time. It's funny, I had this same conversation with a friend on the other side of the fence a few days ago who made such drastic judgements about little kids with buzz cuts. She voiced how sorry she felt for those kids because the parents were conservative tightwads who forced their kids to not have any freedom of expression whatsoever, and to look like a particular political party. I had the same response to her. "What?" Where does all this judgement come from, regarding a CHILD? I think it's more that we are judging the parents and it gets very political when we judge our fellow adults. Let's leave the kids alone and let them find their way into adult hood by testing their limits while they're safe and loved unconditionally. If you want to judge a parent for letting the kids hair grow long OR forcing a buzz cut, I think it's a good idea to not assume much about the kid. The judgement of their peers will have a greater effect on when they will choose to cut or not cut, and it's important for kids to have that, becasue it helps them to determine how independent minded they are for a whole life of being an adult.I love short hair on boys. But, hair doesn't really get to me. My 10 yo girl wants pink highlights. DH says NO WAY. I think it would be cute. I kinda want them too :-)Nope-no way. Our kids have clean cut hair, short and nicely trimmed. My oldest wants long sideburns and hair similar to those boys in the Naked Brothers Band. I said ask your dad, and all I heard from the other room was "NO WAY!!!!" When you get a job anda place of your own ,then you can. But, I am not so sure I agree with my hubby. My 13 yr old is old enough to make smart choices and I know he won't look sloppy. Why shouldn't he get a choice in how he wears his hair?? I just don't know the answer.I prefer short hair too. My 13-yr-old tries to grow his out and it's a constant point of contention in our home between he, my husband, and myself. We've finally agreed on a limit length (longer than we like but shorter than he would prefer to grow it) and he doesn't complain about it. And it's not so long that he looks like a girl - bonus.I've told my 13 year old as long as he keeps it clean and looking nice, I don't care. I've got to get on him at times (of course) but the way I figure, we've got to choose our battles wisely if we're to have any credibility with him.I may just have to put my foot down with the hubby and let the boy grown his hair the way he wants. My hubby wouldn't even let him take his lunch to school, because he didn't as a kid. And, we went round and round over him spiking his hair because "only troublemakers spike their hair".This is exactly what's happening in our house this morning, but with girls. My oldest wants to get her beautiful hair stacked short in back. And my youngest wants her dreamy long red locks cut above her shoulders. We're doing it, but not without some regret from me. I know it's just hair, but somehow there are emotions attached to hair for me, so I understand where you're coming from. And I don't think it's all about judgment as much as it's about likes/dislikes. Hair is an accessory most of the time, and we don't all like the same styles. So don't beat yourself up for liking short hair, but good for you for recognizing some stereotypes!
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