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Lindsay Metcalf
on Jun 19 2013 - 06:00 AM
My top five most important moments of the summer so far
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mara williams
on Jun 18 2013 - 06:00 AM
Hey, manchild, mama says: clean your room, wash the dishes, don't drink and drive.
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Emily Parnell
on Jun 16 2013 - 06:00 AM
Eating fresh, local produce is good for body and soul
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Jim Cosgrove
on Jun 13 2013 - 06:00 AM
I just want to buy some pants. Please, turn down the music.
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So, we were just getting ready like we do every morning.
Oldest comes upstairs to our bathroom to do the morning hair fix (he wants it to lay just right these days). And there I am straightening my hair as our toddler tears his way through the room, pulling everything he can reach down to the ground.
"What would you do if you caught me looking at porn?" the oldest looks over at me and asks so nonchalantly it was like he was asking if the two blue socks match.
Interesting question, I think to myself.
But, wait, didn't he just say 'porn'?
Insert the beginning of my overreaction here.
"Why do you want to know that?" I say in almost a screech.
"I just want to know," he says, still running his fingers through his bangs.
"You'd be grounded," I say, indignant. (I’m sure there was something more intelligent of me to say here, but let’s face it, sometimes moms speak first and think way after that.) I look to my husband for help, but apparently the morning's Internet news is far more interesting because he says nothing. Though I swear I saw him smiling behind his laptop monitor.
"For how long?" son asks. "How long would I be grounded?"
Oh, for goodness sake, I'm thinking. Is this what I'm in for? He turns 12 at the end of the week and he's already asking about 'porn'? I can only imagine what’s coming next. Am I ready for this? Is any mom of a preteen boy?
But, wait, how did he learn about ‘porn‘?
"You’d be grounded for a long, long time," I say, realizing that I have no clue how long this kid who has never been grounded would be grounded. "You'd be grounded forever."
Of course he's not going to be grounded forever, and I fear I’m loosing all power in this situation. But, I then I realize I may have made my point.
"Yeah, I kind of figured," he says, giving a little chuckle, checking his hair in the mirror and then running downstairs for a little more Nintendo DS before we leave for school.
So there you have it. Some people judge a child's maturity and growth by bigger clothing size. Maybe an octave change in their voice.
Me? My measurement is questions about porn.
Now I know he’s not really wanting to look at the stuff. Actually I’m not really sure he actually knows what it is other than a funny part in The Simpson’s where Bart talks about pictures of naked ladies or in a recent movie where boys his age got in trouble for being caught watching it.
At his age I think it’s more about the asking than the doing. And as I’ve said in other posts, this kid loves to ask questions. He also loves getting a rise out of Mom. He’s perfected it really.
My fear is, in this last year before his teen years, he’ll been getting quite a few more rises out of me. Any other moms been here, done all this?
These pre teen years aren’t for the weak, I’ll tell ya that. But they do make for some entertaining, gray-hair producing, conversations.
So remind me again why I'm so eager for our toddler to talk? Maybe times are easier when they just grunt and scream and throw tantrums.
Choose your battles I guess. Had this been my dd, my inclination probably would have been to sit down and talk with her and inform her of what porn is, what it does, what purpose it serves, how it's good and how it's bad...of course, all from my and dh's prospective. This being said, heck yea I would have been stunned for a minute! Sheesh! I'll tell ya, kudos to you for not completely losing yourself in laughter. I wonder if that would have been my first reaction. Just a personal 5 minute crack up. I tend to laugh when things get a little too serious. But all sillyness aside, I really would have wanted to know where this came from. Maybe just a question to get a rise? Maybe a question because a friend has gone through getting in trouble for porn? Maybe a friend brought a nudie mag to school and he got to see a centerfold?(my dh did that in the 3rd grade) Maybe he wanted to know more and that was his way of bringing it up to you. I suppose that would be my next thought process with my dd....Comuniccating with her on how I can help her to understand *porn* a little better then she does. Man, what a shocker for you!I think the kiddos seem to get "older" faster these days. They know so much more then I did when I was their age! In our family everything is up for discussion. As hard as I try to not to get uncomfortable, my husband and I will discuss any topic our girls broach. We have run the gammit, but I feel they need to hear it from our perspective first and understand our feelings about the subject. Hopefully they gain more insite from what is said at home and are armed with that knowledge when they leave the house. Good Luck - Everyday will bring a new light onto something else.Holy Cow! I think I would have reacted just like you. What a shocker. With my first we didn't have any surprise questions like this, but with the rest...well, I'm just waiting. Gripping the edge of my seat and waiting!omigosh! he put you on the spot! it reminded me of a time when my son said something in the back seat of the car while i was driving. i am going to have to write about it, you spurred a memory!!! i love that he came to you with that question though, good communication, even if it was to see your reaction. he is still looking to you for your input! yay!Be very thankful and grateful your son feels comfortable enough to come to you with such a question. That is saying very much about you and your DH as parents!!!! Kids are very curious, and middle school years are the WORST!! At age 12, my son's father found he was being a little experiential and brave on the computer!! I think our DS took for granted we were also very new to the computer, but his father would check sites viewed every night after he went to bed. And Bingo, porn sites showed up. This opened up a very interesting conversation in our home. Honesty is the best when dealing with kids,and they will find ways to explore those things that interest them. Obviously while they are still pre-teens and as they mature under your roof, you have rules and values. I agree with Risarenee, choose your battles very carefully. This question from your son opened an opportunity to share and voice your thoughts on porn. Take advantage of the situation and the fact that not many parents get a chance to discuss this area with their child, in the way you did or at all. In a couple of years, you'll wish you had the "Porn" question to ONLY deal with!!! It gets very interesting as they grow up.I don't want to further shock you, but it was when my dd was in 6th grade that I began hearing about kids getting in trouble by parents who'd found porn sites they'd been visiting (and some of these were girls). DD is very nonchalant about talking about this kind of stuff as well and I take it as a compliment that I've done something right -- she feels confident enough to talk to me nonchalantly about porn (I would've died a thousand deaths before saying the "p" word in front of my mom). But I have to agree -- the teen years are so scary, for so many reasons! If only they could stay toddlers forever.... well, i guess it could be worse...it's awesome he felt comfortable enough to ask you his question.It would have taken a backhoe to lift my jaw off of the floor. Seriously. I don't envy you getting to have that talk with your son, but my day is coming soon enough.OMG! That is hilarious times 10! I know I'll get plenty of gray hairs from them... but at this moment in time -- I am SO glad I have girls! GOOD LUCK! =)It's not enough of a shock that he brought it up at all, but then to do it when you have no time to sit down and talk about it! Isn't that always the way? Why do kids mention things right before school? I'm with everyone else that it's a great sign he was so comfortable asking you (as if it were about his socks!) I'm dying to know if you talked about it later. I know I would not have been able to right then!If you think pre-teens are fun, wait until they're teens. It's best not to get too upset, but you might want have a longer chat with him sometime and maybe get an action plan together so you're set if it does happen. We've got girls and it hasn't ever been an issue. Odds are he'll be looking at it on the internet or on his cell phone.I think it is awesome that he feels open enough and in a casual environment to throw that out there. I would ask him (possibly another morning when you are both doing your hair :)) what he thinks porn is - he may be talking about internet stuff, he may have seen something on the TV, or as others have suggested he may have seen something in print. I personally am okay with boys (and girls too) being interested/curious about our bodies and how they look and work. I am a nurse - my kids know how babies are made and other interesting body functions. I think if you say "you'll be grounded forever" he thinks it is something really bad and really forbidden and he may just want to see what girls/womens bodies look like as we mature or what he may look like as he matures. I OF COURSE am not advocating true pornography. I think sometimes preteens are more curious than perverted. I would talk about it with him. Oh and any of you that are interested in giving your children more info about their bodies and sexuality at any age (I used it for ages 3-8)- check out this book "What's the Big Secret?" by the creator of Arthur, Marc Brown and his wife http://www.amazon.com/Whats-Big-Secret-Talking-about/dp/0316101834/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1204756108&sr=8-1
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