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Well, we’ve officially become THAT family.
I’m sure you’ve seen us in parking lots from Olathe to Overland Park. We’re the ones high-tailing it out of nearly every store we’ve gone into, my husband walking up front, hoisting our little one who is flailing his arms, kicking his legs dangerously close to “the daddy place” and making this screaming noise once thought to be reserved for the possessed. I’m next, walking faster than I’ve walked in years with my head down hoping to avoid all eye contact with oncoming people.
And then there’s our oldest, obviously disgusted with our whole lot and moving so slow hoping to promote the illusion that he doesn’t know us and is just some preteen walking to his family’s car alone.
“Can we start walking separately?” he actually ask after a recent trip to Wal-Mart.
Awwww, yes, the tantrums of the toddler years. What a joy. Please tell me they’re almost over.
For the past month, it seems like there’s nowhere we can go without our youngest cutie making “a scene.” He’s usually pretty good once we’re in the store, always wanting to walk on his own, pretend he’s pushing the cart himself (both things we do allow him to do with some close supervision) but when it comes time to leave, HOLY COW, the kid is a wild man. And though I’ve been through this before, that was some eight or nine years ago, and I’ve forgotten how rough it can be.
And frankly I had forgotten all about one of the most unfun aspects of the temper tantrums - the public, condemnatory and disapproving “I bet I could handle that kid better than you can” stares.
They're the kind of looks I’m sure people would get if they wore cut-off shorts to a super formal Sunday church service. And the most crushing looks seem to come from other moms.
Haven’t they ever seen a toddler before? Come on now.
I just assumed other moms had been here, they know what we’re going through. I figured they’d just give us a little nod of the head, maybe a smile to say, ‘Hey, that’s OK, all kids are like this. Don’t worry, this too shall pass.” Or, just maybe a mom might look over and say, “I left mine at home, and I SO know what you’re going through.”
Yes, I’ve been looking for validation.
And that’s not happening for us. We’re getting the little looks of judgment. From the people who I assume are saying to themselves, ‘Man, that kid’s out of control. Can’t those parents do something?’ The worst come when moms pass by our screaming little bundle of joy as they themselves push seemingly perfect children in their cart, kids that are playing happily and not saying a word.
I’m probably expecting too much, but I can’t even recall one smile or one knowing look of empathy. Could it be I’m missing the nice looks as I’m looking down trying to avoid eye contact? Or maybe it’s just the ole’ mom thing where sometimes we concentrate on all the bad things and don’t remember the good.
But I gotta say, those judging looks aren’t easy to forget. Can’t we moms give each other a little comfort?
My poor husband is in a little shock. He missed out on the toddler years of my oldest. Just tonight, when the tantrum happened here at home, he was quizzing me on what to do. Had the oldest been so wild with the tantrums? Had he too spent 30 minutes screaming over a glass he wanted but couldn’t have?
We were quite the pair, reading aloud the pamphlet we got this week from the pediatrician spelling out how to handle tantrums.
“How long will he be doing this?” my husband asked, looking down at the boy screaming wildly.
“Oh, about another 2 ½ years,” I answered very matter-of-factly.
Now, that’s comfort.
I read somewhere it goes in six month cycles, worse when they are in a stage of growth -- either physical or mental. You could tell your spouse that it's because the boy's brain is growing so fast. Been there, done that with DD -- DS not. So if someone has a first kid that has not done it, then yeah, they probably think you're a heathen...however, their time is coming.Ahhhh yes, been there and still doing that and the youngest will be 6 next week. My kids are raised with wonderful manners and are well behaved when we go out to dinner and to someones home to visit. BUT, by gosh the moment I walk into Wally World or the grocery store, I now have "Damien" (the Omen) and I get the nasty looks and comments-to which I am no longer shy about commenting back just what I think of them. Of course, I don't make an ass out of myself or give the kids a bad example. The fun never stops!!I agree with Annie. There are some parents that have never experienced it. Each kid has a different personality, so maybe their kid was great at that age. But don't worry, those perfect kids will probably be hell on wheels as teenagers. No one gets a free pass! I try to be sympathetic when I can because I have been at the store with two screaming kids and had no choice about it because DH was gone. So sometimes all we want is to know someone understands what we are going through. I feel your pain!I definitely know where you're coming from; I got those looks many times when my oldest was going through the tantrum phases off and on. When I did get a sympathetic look, I so appreciated it. Luckily you have an older one, so I'm sure you know it will pass. It's just waiting for it to that can be so draining. Hang in there!He'll do this for a while, then restart during the teen years! My son started to act like a toddler again when he was about 14, throwing fits like a little kid when he was told he couldn't do something that was "my God-given right as a teenager to do". Later he usually fessed up that his friend's parents don't let him do it either!Oh we are so right there with you. I remember before I had kids, I was one of those that probably would of given the look and thought to myself "my child will never act like that". Boy what an eye opener. It's not all the time, but the times it does happen are so embarrassing.Once again, you make me laugh. We're past the public stage, but my 7 yr old is having what we call "melt downs" at home. Basically same thing where you can't rationalize anything with them, just let them finish the crying. I used to try so hard to not go to the store at bad times (when baby was tired, hungry, etc.) but there will ALWAYS be times when that doesn't happen. I feel for you!Totally agree about getting the "evil eye" from other ADULTS that should know better! HELLO, THIS IS WHAT CHILDREN DO. DEAL WITH IT SOUR-FACED, JUDGMENTAL PEOPLE. WE PARENTS (deep breathe, deep breathe) ARE TRYING OUR BEST UNDER DURESS!I don't miss that. At all. It sounds like he just doesn't transition well to leaving - at least you were leaving anyway!Never had to deal with it. I'm one of those moms wondering why you don't have your kids under control. :) TOTALLY KIDDNG. While I've never dealt with the tantrum stage with my own kids (my nephew did with a passion!), just simply having kids has made me understand that it happens and most (not all) parents are doing the best they can. You only think that people are staring, inside we're all just glad someone else goes through it and we're not alone.I dont miss those days one bit. I had a high risk pregnancy (living in rural Alaska at the time) and had to be flown from my town to Anchorage at 36 weeks to await delivery. I flew in with my 3 year old while my husband finished up a contract before he flew in a week later. That week was BRUTAL! My precious child threw a tantrum in the department store and would not come out from under the rack of clothing. I was too big to go under to get her. I remember she ened up taking chocolate from the shelf and eating it. The eyes of everyone were burning into my back. We all survived it. She is 10 now, and we went on to have 4 beautiful children. Those days seem an almost distant memory.I got those "looks" yesterday! Apparently nobody thinks that kids should hear the word "NO" while at the grocery store. Not only that, but I had a former boss who would ask me if she should call DFS when another mom would have problems with a toddler and actually have the nerve to punish him/her. (I'm not talking about hitting, just giving the kid a talking to!) Give parents a break for crying out loud!rrrgh! I think it's the weather. My kiddo's been acting up to the point where once this past week I buckled the screaming child in the car and paused outside of the driver's car door MUCH LONGER than necessary before slithering in quickly as he hiccuped for a breath...I don't get the "evil eye" from the same adults who think parents spoil kids these days. If I gave my kid everything he wanted, he wouldn't be having a tantrum. He's having it because I told him "no."I totally know how you feel with this. I can't take my son anywhere without him acting out. I say no to him once and its like the world is coming to an end. Some people just laugh and go on with their business because they have been there done that. Other people look at me like I am beating the child because he is screaming bloody murder. I can't wait till all this passes. It is so embarrassing.
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