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Or at least that’s how it seems to me. And it’s why, for exactly 26 hours, I boycotted the site.
I just couldn’t take reading one more update about how somebody has a perfect husband or how they lost more than 50 pounds and look fantastic in a skin tight dress. Or, oh yeah, how they were on a tropical paradise vacation and had the most wonderful plans for NewYears Eve. Must get new shoes for the event, they wrote.
So as I made out my grocery list for Target, so excited for some damn reason to use a $5 off coupon for two appetizers for our stay-at-home New Year’s Eve party with four adults (all family) and a Kindergartner, I declared no more Facebook lurking for me.
“It makes me feel horrible about myself,” I declared to my husband. And then to my girlfriend who was forced to hear me lament by phone.
And in typical insightful fashion, which husband is getting pretty good at, he summed it all for me.
“It’s just like those Christmas letters you hate,” he said, referring to those yearly notes some people -- not all, mind you, just a few -- use to brag about how great they and their kids are. “Only it’s like getting one every day, several times a day.”
No kidding. They only make me miserable. And by “they” I mean like two or three posts, but hey, we all know I tend to overreact.
Of course the problem is me. Don’t need a session on the couch or with Dr. Phil to know that. I’m the one who’s insecure. Who, at times, can read about someone else’s wonderful news or life or accomplishment and somehow make that a commentary on my own life.
Like, when people post pictures of “Girls Night Outs.”
“Why don’t I have Girls Nights Out?” I ask my husband.
Or when people post about having a date night EVERY week. No exceptions.
“Why don’t we do that?” I again say to husband.
When someone gets an award, couldn’t be happier. When their child accomplishes something wonderful, I’m all smiles and congratulations.
But if they’d doing something I feel like I should be doing, instant mirror judgment.
So at about noon on New Year’s Eve, I decided no more Facebook. I couldn’t bare the “getting ready” photos of friends who had those kind of celebration plans they have in the movies. Only two or three Facebook friends had those, but still. I knew they would send me over the edge.
And as we counted down to the New Year, we four adults and one Kindergartener -- eating our cheap appetizers -- I only briefly thought of the glimmering dresses and party picks that would soon be posted.
I just took a few of my own. Of youngest in his glittering New Year’s hat, striking his new “cool” pose for the camera. Or of husband and his mother and sister huddled together during the middle of our Trivial Pursuit game.
Though I talked a big game, about how I planned to spend less time on Facebook during the New Year, I caved at about 2 p.m. New Year’s Day. Twenty-six hours. Not bad. That’s longer than some diets I’ve been on.
And you know what, those hours did me good. I saw two posts about fancy parties and dresses and was genuinely happy for them. They looked like they were having fun. Yay for them.
Of course, I’m sure it also helped that I imagined as I was lurking on Facebook, they were most likely nursing a hangover. Yeah, maybe parties at home with family aren’t all that bad.
I know exactly how you feel! In fact, there's a girl I went to high school with who is living the kind of life I always imagined for myself in sunny California. Then recently, someone else I went to school with went on and on about how "cool" I was and how "great" my life seemed. I laughed out loud! I am neither great nor cool! The pictures and posts on Facebook are stylized and idealized and rarely portray real life. So now when I look at that beautiful girl living the life in CA, I remember that she also doesn't have any kids, and I LOVE having kids!Party at home is WWAAAYY more fun! Here is a hint: If you stop clicking on the pictures of the glittery dress friends, and start going to anything that the "post it the way it really is" friends offer (even if you have to go their pages manually), you can sorta, kinda tell the facebook brain what you are interested in seeing. The glittery dress pics will slow down (especially if you go to the "subscribe" button on those friends pages and de-check PICTURES) and the rest will take over. Sorta. Great blog! Happy New Year, Laura!I always kind of enjoy looking at those friends. Then I smile because I had a great time at home eating my cheap appetizers (ours were on sale at Sam's) and deciding at the last minute (10:00pm) that I really can stop forcing myself to stay awake. The new year will still come and I wake up the next morning refreshed and ready for the day. Hubs and I actually said we were thankful we passed up a glitzy dressy party for sweats and frozen appetizers! By the way... I wanted to write a "real" Christmas letter but changed my mind. My fritzy fun one with only good seems to appeal to family far away. No need to let everyone into reality!I don't think I lasted 26 hours on my last Facebook fast. Nicely done! Don't you just want to post questions like, "How do you afford this?" or "What are your kids doing while you are xxx?" I'm not begrudging them their high life, but I want to learn how to do it, too. Or learn if they really aren't doing it, and it's just a Pollyanna posting. I do tend to try to be more positive in my FB postings since the "friends" I have are very diverse--age, circles, etc. It makes me look at the good things I have going on instead of the bad, and that's helpful. But truth in advertising, it's not.You write the best blogs. I know what you mean about some of the facebook post. Most of the post I really don't care about and wonder why people think others do. As far as letters go, we get the same thing from the same people every year. It tends to remind me our lives are nothing like that. I used to print out short notes on homemade cards catching up on what is going on, but not much changes from year to year so I quit. I still do a homemade greeting, but skip the note. I hate it when they write about each of their four kids and each other. I always felt like those types of letters are better sent to far away family that might really care if Johnny got his boy scout badge. As far as New Years, I have you beat for boring. It is just the four of us in the area, which includes my 76 yr old mom that lives with us. We don't even bother to celebrate anymore and were in bed by the time the fireworks were heard. No, don't think I really want to look at pictures of others all dress up celebrating. As for you Laura, no matter how you see yourself, I see you as a very caring accomplished writer, who adores her family. Those in the fancy dresses got nothing on you.
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