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Lindsay Metcalf
on Jun 19 2013 - 06:00 AM
My top five most important moments of the summer so far
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mara williams
on Jun 18 2013 - 06:00 AM
Hey, manchild, mama says: clean your room, wash the dishes, don't drink and drive.
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Emily Parnell
on Jun 16 2013 - 06:00 AM
Eating fresh, local produce is good for body and soul
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Jim Cosgrove
on Jun 13 2013 - 06:00 AM
I just want to buy some pants. Please, turn down the music.
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Sometimes it’s just a couple of sentences. Other times I may scroll through a whole conversation between he and a buddy.
It’s a rule we put in play three or four years ago when we got him a cell phone. We pay the bill, we read the texts.
Actually, I didn’t think anything about it when we laid down the law. Certainly didn’t think we were crossing any parental or privacy line. Seemed like a given to me.
But the more I talk to other parents about this whole texting craze, and just mention in casual conversation that son knows we will read his texts at any time, I get the looks. Those disapproving looks, sometimes followed with the lovely question : “Don’t you trust him?”
Yes, I trust him. Yes, I think he’s turning out to be a lovely and upstanding person. But I also know teenagers and know they make mistakes. They’re learning their way. And they look to adults, their parents, for guidance.
So, we talk about what’s good to text and what’s not. I told him about sexting way before the first judge charged a teenager with child pornography. We told him how words hurt more through text than face to face communication. And how not to overact to something some keys into a phone.
And when he texts, he knows that whatever he writes may be read by me. Is that so wrong?
Just the other night he spent a couple of hours texting a girl from one of his classes. It was family game night and it often took him an extra 5 minutes to take his turn, but we were patient. At one point he even went to the bathroom to text.
“Being good, right?” I asked him after an hour of texting.
“Yep,” he said.
“You know I can read them at any time, right?” I feel compelled to throw out there.
“Yeah, I know.”
I guess some of his friends’ parents are more strict than we are. Lots of grounding, not allowed to hang out with friends sometimes. But it seems the other parents don’t read their kids’ texts.
Some kids have their text password protected.
Maybe that’s why in casual conversation other parents think we cross the line. For them, it’s as if texts are diaries or something. (Let’s just say I’m again, grateful we don’t have a girl because I just don’t think I could actually read a diary but I know parents who do.)
And it’s not like I spend hours on end scrolling through his phone. I only read one sentence the other night and they were too many acronyms, or whatever you call all those LOLs, IMHOs and LOFLMAOs, that my brain hurt.
Actually, and don’t tell my son this, but I hardly ever read the texts. I just remind him that I can at any time.
And you know, I don’t think that’s a bad thing.
Heck yeah I read them. Like you, I find them pretty dull reading..and like you I read less then I say I read--but it is not like a diary. Here is why: a diary is a one way conversation with a piece of paper. This is a 2 way with whoever happens to be on the other end. Not an inanimate object. Most likely another teen who is bound to make mistakes. And it's a great lesson that "whatever you send out in cyber/phone space can-in theory- be read by anyone. Like you. (And I usually throw in a Jesus can read them, too--just for fun)It is totally appropriate to read texts. I read them occasionally, though I monitor facebook more so. I am the parent and I have to make sure they are safe, and this is just one more way I have to do that. Diary reading, I couldn't, because I was the victim of that, and it wasn't pretty.I reserve the right to read his texts, emails and I monitor Facebook as well. Having an 8 year old girl, I'm not sure if I'll be able to read her diary later on...right now, per her orders, I'm the only one who's allowed to read it...although I'm sure that will change! I figure my kids are good, they know right from wrong, but I don't know what kind of influences that friend they are communicating with has.My kids don't have cell phones, so I don't have this issue, but I'm the same way with bedroom doors. If you and your friends want to go up to your room, that's fine, but the door remains unlocked at the very least, and I reserve the right to barge in any time I want to. If I find that you have locked the door, you lose the privilege of staying out of my sight and now you have to come downstairs to the more public part of the house. This has been an issue exactly once, and after I humiliated the people involved, I never had this problem again.We don't text at all in our family, but I think the time is coming. My son wants an iPod Touch, and we've told him he has to earn the money. I think he mostly wants it for the music and games (if he wants to text, he'll have to do it via Wifi). I probably will give myself the role of checking text messages once the day comes, but thankfully I don't have to worry about it quite yet!I don't read his text or his FB page. I could easily go to his FB page if I wanted to but I trust him and his judgement with others. He has never given me any reason not to. He is an A student that is praised by teachers and has never been in any trouble. That is just me, everyone else go for it, if that is you. Moose, the thing about the door being closed. With us his room is really to small to do much or have friends as he got older. Friends probably haven't been in his room since he was 8. He wanted a TV in it at one time to play his games. We said NO. Instead we let him set up in our Never Use formal livingroom. There is NO DOOR, so we can see what he is doing anytime we walk by. That is what works for us.My daughter's only 12, so we make sure we have all her passwords so we can keep track of all the conversations in any form online. Most of the time we don't, but I check in every now and then. YouTube is the biggest issue. She's always willing to block "friends" when I tell her to. She's so innocent, she doesn't know how to tell that her new "friend" or "follower" is really an adult perv.I really don't read my daughter's text as I find them to be boring--she will show me texts that she thinks are strange and usually just ignores them. She does have her phone pass word protected--just tonight she mentioned one of the "mean" girls pretending to be someone else on a FB chat (the meanie got her BF's FB password) in an attempt to break up a relationship. Just another example to my teen of how you cannot always trust the "texter" or "chatter" and that it is going to be hard to prove that you didn't send the text/chat if you leave your phone unattended.We will have the same rule when my kids start texting. I can read them at any time, though I won't unless there's cause or it's a periodic check in. When I was a teen, we had convos with friends on the family corded phone. Someone could hear me at any point, though I could stretch to the closet or talk very low, I guess. Still, the thought that someone COULD hear me kept me in check a bit.
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