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Lindsay Metcalf
on May 22 2013 - 06:00 AM
When that tornado siren sounds, I'm in the basement
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mara williams
on May 21 2013 - 06:00 AM
Summer break has this mom on a house upkeep war path.
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I know, I know. Like that ever happens.
In my house growing up, there wasn’t such a thing. Older meant wiser. Wiser meant right. All. The. Time. I’m not criticizing, or even saying I don‘t agree with it. That whole scenario seemed to work at the time. I always knew where I stood.
That said, if what happened in our house last week had happened when I was growing up, mom would have just kept the truth a little secret. Let me go on thinking I’m the one who lost the very important thing. I was always losing things anyway, and it was about time I learned a lesson. Didn’t matter that I wasn’t the one who screwed up -- this time. Like I said, I see mom‘s reasoning.
But as the mom, I played it different.
Over the summer, oldest had homework for his upcoming pre-AP English class. Had to read Animal Farm and complete a packet, that I swear was as thick as my Betty Crocker Cookbook. He had to answer questions, do a few essay questions and memorize vocabulary words about literature.
He worked days on it, weeks even. George Orwell was a great writer, but come on, can’t writing just be simple? For him everything is a symbolism of something which is a symbolism of something else.
A week before school, oldest still hadn’t finished the packet.
“Take it to your dad’s,” I hollered up to him as he was packing for a week in St. Louis.
He hollered back that he’d get it.
Three hours later, as he and his dad were on Interstate 70 halfway between here and St. Louis, oldest calls.
“I forgot my packet,” he says.
Ugh, hadn’t I just reminded him to grab it, to make sure it made it into his suitcase?
“Well, I, uh, I couldn’t find it,” he admits. While he’s on the road, mind you.
For days, I search for it. Nothing.
Not at his dad’s either, he says.
So on the night before school, with just 12 hours before the first bell, we tear the house apart. Looking under cushions, in drawers. We lift up couches and beds. Scour the cars. Husband, youngest, Grandma, we all were searching.
And oh boy did I lecture. I mean I went all out. As I searched, I blathered on and on.
“You have to step things up in high school … blah, blah, blah,” I say over and over. “Responsibility is crucial. You’re not going to be starting off on the right foot … blah, blah, blah.”
I mean even I was getting sick of me. He listened, and promised to do better.
After we figured out we could have printed the dang thing from the Internet, we stayed up to nearly midnight as he filled in what he remembered and then answered what he hadn’t finished. (Which, was quite a bit, mind you.)
For nearly two weeks, he’s felt bad about the packet. Wondering what he could have done with it, still searching. He’s afraid, I think, to mention that we need to buy another book because he’ll soon need it for class discussion.
The poor kid didn’t want another lecture.
Turns out, I’m the one who needed one. Last Thursday, as I tried to tidy up my desk so I could launch into another story with a little free space to actually take notes, I dug my hands underneath a pile of papers.
I felt a book. That’s weird, I thought, I only keep open books on the other side.
Then I felt a thick stack of stapled papers.
Oh brother.
Yep. I inadvertantly had taken his packet and book and all his hard work to the office. And piled more papers on top of it. Heck, it may have been months before I found it. Lucky I needed to clear some space.
Now, some moms I know (my late mother, among them) would have opened a drawers and put that book and packet in the back corner, never to be touched again. Others would have looked around to make sure no one saw it, and just tossed it out. (What do you think? What would you do?)
I had my conscience, and a friend, who made sure I did the right thing.
“You know you’ve got to tell your son,” my friend (and fellow mom blogger) said as she saw me looking wide-eyed at the book and packet.
That night I told oldest I had a surprise. Close your eyes. ... Can you tell how bad I felt? I mean I was trying to make it fun. Maybe that would lesson some of the pain.
He touched the surprise, trying to figure out what it was and eventually opened one eye to peek.
“You found it,” he said smiling. “All right!!! … Where did I leave it?”
Hmmmm. An out. … I already knew what I could say -- “You left it in the car, stuffed under the seat. I can’t believe we didn’t see it. You really need to take better care of things."
But then I felt the guilt. So I fessed up. Told him that it was on my desk at work the whole time. That I’m the one who lost it.
“Man, remember the lecture you gave me?” he says, smiling. “About personal responsibility and all that?”
I know, I know. I start groveling. What’s that my mom used to say? Older means wiser. Wiser means right. Why, again, wasn’t I using mom’s advice?
Then oldest reminded me that maybe the right way really is the right way..
“Hey, mom, that’s OK,” he said giving me a hug. “I’m just so glad you found it. You know, we’re going to need the book in class. Thanks so much.”
God love him.
Started my Monday with a big smile after reading this. Again, I LOVE that kid. And you are one amazing mother to 'fess up. I can only hope I would have done the same thing, though I'm sure I would have still turned it into a lecture on why it was not in a safe place in his room or book bag so I wouldn't have mixed it up in my stuff.Wow, what a great mom! Even adults make mistakes, and that's okay. Don't feel too bad. It sounds like you have a really wonderful son!I would have had to tell the truth, too. And it sounds like you have a great son to be so easygoing about it.You did the right thing telling him. You gave him a chance to step up and be big. And he did that. Way to go mom. Also, you weren't wrong about the lecture. He still does need to be more careful with his things and more organized. My mom used to say, do as I say, not as I do. I think that one applies here.
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