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Lindsay Metcalf
on Jun 19 2013 - 06:00 AM
My top five most important moments of the summer so far
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mara williams
on Jun 18 2013 - 06:00 AM
Hey, manchild, mama says: clean your room, wash the dishes, don't drink and drive.
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Emily Parnell
on Jun 16 2013 - 06:00 AM
Eating fresh, local produce is good for body and soul
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Jim Cosgrove
on Jun 13 2013 - 06:00 AM
I just want to buy some pants. Please, turn down the music.
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About 20 times a day I check Facebook. I know, crazy. And it’s not because I’m updating my status or anything, trying to woo my “friends” with tales of the good life or make them laugh. If only. No, I’m just on the constant lookout for witty banter, funny conversations, quick comebacks. Just plain ole’ good writing.
An instructor in college told me once if I had writer’s block just listen to country music. Good writing there, he said back in the day. (No, he hadn’t been drinking…) In fact it works, but these days I’m a sports talk radio fanatic (Yay Border Patrol!!!) so I’ve turned to Mark Zuckerberg’s brainchild instead of George Strait’s twang. Must get inspiration somewhere.
And I gotta say, some people are Facebook geniuses. Case in point, swiped from a friend’s update: “OK, kids, I’m sharing with you a lesson of vital importance: If you should attend a Branson show and you have only the one flask, do NOT get too greedy on the front end. That is all." Now that’s just funny.
Another friend writes: “What smells worse than old plastic Easter eggs locked in a musty bin all year?? Not much.” Cute and relevant. And another writes:“Every now and then a person deserves pie. Tonight is my night.” Short, sweet and to the point. And that one made me laugh out loud.
I write everyday, all day and basically detail what people tell me. Not a witty or funny bone in my body, really. What’s worse, if I am funny, say in conversation, I have to declare, ‘Oh, that was funny, wasn’t it?’ I guess I’m not subtle either.
And I sure don’t want to be one of those Facebookers who says, “Going to the kitchen to make a sandwich.”Who cares about that??? One time I wrote an update, like more than a year ago, about clipping coupons because it was “Double Coupon Days” at Kmart. Just pathetic.So I don’t update. The pressure to write witty, poetic stuff is just too much. I’m pressured at my desk every day, who needs it in cyberspace? That means I just lurk, and try to get inspired to write myself.
I’m convinced at least one of my Facebook friends should make a book out of all of her updates. They are so damn funny that I actually get on the Internet to see what she has to say. Case in point, from said friend: “This diet has made me realize that I’m not addicted to food, I just need something to do with my teeth. They get bored easily.” Or, “I understand the best burrito you ever had was at a Detroit art fair in 1982. But that doesn’t mean you should torture me with a 30-minute-long story about it in 2011.” Yet still, “I like it when someone tells me a lie, but I secretly know the truth. It just shows how small they are … and how powerful I am.”
Genius.I want to be a Facebook genius.
I feel your envy, Laura, about writing witty FB status updates. But I know you are a great writer. I very much enjoy your articles for The Star.Coincidentally, Life Hacker posted this link on Facebook this morning, which reminded me of your blog: http://lifehacker.com/#!5795318/how-to-avoid-coming-off-as-pretentious-as-a-beginning-writer. It's hard to write like that, though! I totally get your frustration.I usually update--sometimes I find it a little creepy when someone comments on a status IRL. Certain family members and co-workers will ask me about something they read during one of their "stalking" exhibitions.I forgot to add--The Border Patrol is awesome. It is kind of the male version of a GNO as they discuss things sports and non sports in a manly yet not too serious way.
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