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Christi Diggs
on May 23 2013 - 06:00 AM
A drop of spin, a cup of deception and tsp. politics=Apathy
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Lindsay Metcalf
on May 22 2013 - 06:00 AM
When that tornado siren sounds, I'm in the basement
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mara williams
on May 21 2013 - 06:00 AM
Summer break has this mom on a house upkeep war path.
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Somewhere along the line - not really sure exactly when it happened or why - but I apparently just stopped trying.
That was pretty obvious this past summer as I stared at the group photo in front of me, one where my husband’s family had gathered for his parents’ 40th wedding anniversary. The photographer had captured our two boys- the only grandkids - looking as cute as ever. The sister-in-laws had perfect hair that day and looked rather trendy, as did everyone else, seemingly, except for that lady on the end.
That lady, well, her hair had no style, her pants no shape. The shirt would look great on her 60-year-old mother - well, maybe that’s because it belonged to her 60-year-old mother. And her smile? It was one of those, "just take the darn picture before my 1-year-old starts screaming and my 11-year-old does bunny ears on Grandma and Grandpa."
The image of me was shocking. (Did I mention I was wearing my mother’s shirt?)
"I look like the girl from high school who just gave up," I said, a little too loudly, as I held the photo a little too tightly.
And then I heard those five words, which to this day I don't know who said (heck, maybe I did) -- "You look like a mom."
It’s a moment in my life I’ve replayed to my husband too many times to count and to one of my girlfriends. Just what do moms look like? Are they supposed to look disheveled and dumpy? Is it OK that we sometimes look worn out and fed up? Can we look hideous and just claim we look like a mom?
As my girlfriend, who has also had her own moments with a photo, put it: "Why do we think we don’t have to try anymore? That after we hit a certain age, and have a kid or two that we don’t have to be cute anymore?"
Just a few years ago - when my oldest was way past the toddler years - I wore what I felt were trendy clothes that I assumed went well with my shoes and jewelry. My hair usually had a defined style that, if it failed to look good, an onlooker could at least tell what I was shooting for. But then something happened.
Clothes no longer had to be trendy. Heck, half the time I was doing good if I didn't grab them from the hamper and they matched. I no longer shopped at specialty stores, but massive department stores where both men and women can buy underwear in bulk.
Seems I had long given up coordinating anything and only had two pair of shoes I interchanged, and they were - gasp - ugly pull-ons. Covering my body - that had become the only goal.
Let’s just say that photo this summer was my heart attack - the way people talk about a heart attack as their wake-up call to at least try to get on the road to healthier living again.
I vowed that I would once again start trying - if I was bound to never ultimately shake the "worn mom" look than at least I wasn't going down without a fight. I now have a few of what I've convinced myself are trendy sweaters, even some skirts. I got a nicer hair straightener which I use religiously. And as I type this, my earrings match my necklace, which match my sweater, which by golly, match my brown boots. All I'm saying is it's a start.
I haven’t come up with a way to approach my husband’s family about a “do over” photo. But even without that, this year is my 20th anniversary of high school graduation, which I'm hoping to caplitalize on for motivation.
If my class has a reunion, hopefully I won't come off looking like the girl who gave up.
I know what you mean! I like to try to pick out cute clothes for when I go someplace, but for general running around the city, doing errands, doing housework...I'm afraid I look like a mom who gave up. Cute just isn't comfortable or practical when I'm busy getting "mom things" done!I'm in the disheveled club. I hate to iron and I'll buy clothes for the girls but neglect me. (I think my mom was like this too.) Many of my clothes purchases have been from Costco -- even my black leather coat. Oh, I love Photoshop, feel free to send me the pics and I'll be happy to do a little photo doctoring for you!I like to convince myself that aside from lack of energy to focus on myself, aside from our tight budget due to one income, it's more about priorities. I weakly tell myself my very un-trendy look is because, after children, I realized there is much more to life than my clothes and hair. While this argument holds water briefly in my tired brain, it tends to drain out like my energy. Bottom line: I want to look better, feel more energetic, and NOT fall into mom-style forever. In fact, I'm going to go take a--gasp!- shower right now and actually dry my hair. Thanks for the motivation!So you're saying the old t-shirt, pajama pants, and furry flip-flop slippers I have on right now aren't trendy? Who woulda thought??!! Sometimes I think back to the me that took a good 2 hours to get ready just to go the store. She was crazy but, dang she looked good! I think alot of it has to do with the fact the day is really short! I get up at 7am with my 1 year old. We do diapers, breakfast, Handy Manny and a nap. At this point, I check email and settle down to do some work. Then its lunch, playtime, diaper, nap. After that, it's more play (and by this - he plays, I sit on the couch and do nothing) Before I know it, it's 4:30 and my husband will be home soon and I can't remember if I brushed my teeth. (Uh, yeah - that'd be a negative.) I look at all the cute shoes in my closet and actually look forward to putting them on to go to Hobby Lobby. Are 3" bronze snake skin heels to fancy for Hobby Lobby? Maybe. So I opt for the tennies, fat pants, and sweatshirt. Oh, and I may brush my teeth. I should instill a dress code at my house. From now one: Pants that cannot be slept in! A shirt that can't pass as a paint shirt! And heels! And jewelry! And Toothpaste! I may be getting a little ahead of myself! HaHa!Well, maybe if pants with waists that go higher than the hipbone were actually the norm these days, we Moms whose abs have been stretched like rubber bands would buy some new clothes! Not that I want to wear "Mom jeans," but shoot. How many people want their stretch-marked stomachs hanging over the top of their jeans?I get it, I do. BUT we dress like we do ( and we all do) because it is our uniform. If you were a flight attendent and wore your work uniform in the picture you would have looked out of place, too. You would have been mad at yourself for wearing that-- just like you wore your mom uniform to that pic. It wasn't that you weren't cute-- you were just on the job. But, I must say-- I also recently got a new 'do so that I could, like you said, attempt to look like I had some style. I also attempt to wear makeup whenever I see anyone-- even if it is just the concealer that Christy Brinkley is hawking and some mascara that Drew Barrymore sold me.That,coupled with a I'm looking cute attitude,makes my mom jeans look almost trendy-- like I have a secret you butt baring low rise wearing chicks don't know. That's what I'm going for anyway.My middle schooler has an awards assembly today and the school even sent home letters to the parents. I asked him if he wanted me to come and he said "no!" I asked do you really not want me there? He said "well, you can come if you want (long pause) but will you please dress up a little." WHAA...he didn't want me to come in my blue nylon jogging pants, pink Royals' t-shirt and my dirty tennis shoes?? I thought once I left my office job and started working from home that I would miss getting dressed up. I did for a little while, then the first snowfall hit and I didn't have to get out in it in dress shoes, make-up and a skirt! My husband and I had a joke, you could tell the SAHMs at church because they all dressed to the nines on Sunday morning and you could tell the WOTH moms because they weren't nearly as dressed up. Altho I am now a SAHWM, I still don't dress up. At 42, I look for the clean jeans and a nicer sweater and I am set - Yup - I look like a Mom!Love your blog, Laura, and the comments. I I've had to convert to the Church of What Not to Wear. Stacy and Clinton are slowly getting through to me: if you look good, you feel good. But still there are way too many days I wear what I slept in to take Q to school, and I still can't bring myself to wear makeup every day even though the mirror confirms that I'm at least 5 years past being able to go without it. *sigh*I recently changed my hairstyle, and while most comments were positive, there's one that really stuck with me. One co-worker said, "Wow, you have mom hair now." What the heck does that mean??When I first started staying home, I would make a point to shower, get dressed and put a little makeup on before my husband got home, so I wouldn't be mistaken for some vagabond that broke into our house. All I did is set the bar a little too high. Now when he comes home, I think he secretly bets with himself how long I've been wearing that too-tight Cayman Islands souvenier T-shirt. (going on 3 days. Kidding. Or am I??!!)I have to tell you, your blog has really been what I needed today! I did actually shower after reading it this morning, and took time to straighten my hair and put on a little makeup. I feel so much better! More energy, and ready to go if I need to. I'm lucky enough to be a sahm. It's amazing how many times I need to run out for something, yet don't feel like I can because of the grunge factor. Thank you for getting me going. And everyone's comments have been so helpful, and hilarious!Sometimes I fall alseep at night wearing my clothes. But the plus side is that I'm fully dressed when I get out of bed to walk the dog at 6:30 a.m. I figure the neighbors would rather see me wearing yesterday's clothes than my ratty flannel nightgown and robe under my parka.Just think of all the money you are saving on clothes and salon stuff! I know when I do dress up, even the folks at work wonder what I'm up to! Try that, then make sure you bounce out the door to lunch, take the full hour. Don't mention any of the normal errands to try to cram in. They'll all be looking for you when you get back! I used to be the hottest mom on the playground. OK, not really, but I would pretend! I didn't spend money on clothes, but I worked out and the jeans and tshirts just looked better. But no more, darn it. Now I'm showing "the softer side of me" But looking presentable does make you feel better, so I do try. Well, not every day... maybe tomorrow!meandthejs makes a great point. Jeans and t-shirts can look sexy or cute when we're in shape. I think it's the "roundness" that makes us look like moms when we dress that way. All flat and toned, it probably doesn't matter what we have on!You know what looking nice means -- MORE LAUNDRY. Seriously people, doesn't the mom uniform mean it's something that can be worn to the grocery store, Costco, Starbucks, school for pickup (drop off -- all bets are off), or weeknight sports. Once you have figured out the types of outfits that work for all of these, adding in a CUTE something just means you'll have MORE laundry and I think our evolving selves do anything to avoid MORE laundry. I will admit someone said that to me once -- that I had on a mom uniform. I think it was a standard white tee under fleece -- sorry. I saw it as a BADGE OF HONOR. If I can pass for a mom from other moms, I AM SO THERE! LOL.I also have trouble with the "mom" look. I cut my hair short when I was relying on a ponytail every day and that helped. I wear too many matching sweat pants and jackets. I bought some that I thought were nicer than what I would wear at the gym, but then I received a comment just yesterday at Costco that has me second-guessing the "mom uniform”. I was buying yet another matching sweats pants and jacket. My dear husband who never says a bad thing said something shocking. After he made me promise not to get mad, he told me the matching sweat outfits make me look old and not in a good way. He understands the running, jumping, crawling, dancing, etc. that I do with my toddler every day. He just suggested I wear more trendy comfy clothes. I appreciated his honesty and I didn't get mad but now what do I wear!? (as I sit here in my red yoga pants and gray sweat shirt) I'm not throwing out my matching sweats, but I guess this is a pass to go shopping and find some trendy clothes. I also think I'm one of the few SAHM that misses dressing up for work. I actually liked pantyhose.That was me six years ago. It was how I felt like, why bother? I ran into my college sweetheart and was so embarassed. He asked where did that girl go? He was so right. I was the girl who never wore sweats unless I was working out, never wore jeans, unless I was in my yard. Then I had my second child, gained weight and gave up. I started working out, doing yoga, lost some inches. I spoiled myself and got a facial, manicure, highlights, and two new outfits to make me feel zsa zsa. It worked! Sure I dress down, but wouldn't be a candidate for What not to Wear. I don't follow trends, I buy classic styles and invest in quality stuff that I keep forever(jeans for 5 years, cashmere sweaters (3 yrs). I started invested a little bit in me again and it shows in the way I dress. I'll be 37 and I've had someone think I was one of the high school students and asked for my ID!
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