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Lindsay Metcalf
on May 22 2013 - 06:00 AM
When that tornado siren sounds, I'm in the basement
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mara williams
on May 21 2013 - 06:00 AM
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That’s basically what husband and I asked each other as we sat in the SUV after our first parent/teacher conference for youngest. You might say we were a little stunned. I mean we’re used to me going insane before and after each conference for oldest. I’ve agonized for days, gotten sick, asked way too many questions of teachers and then convinced myself way too many times I was a horrible mother and vowed to do better. Say, some eight or nine times.
Yet with youngest, he’s 4. What’s there really to say? He knows how to go to the bathroom, of course. He can sit still for at least 20 minutes at a time (great, right?) and he can sing the alphabet song with the 4-year-old obligatory, "elemnopee" in the middle. And don’t get me started on how he can name a slew of dinosaurs and Pokemon, complete with their powers and what they evolve into.
So we were pretty sure this was a no nonsense conference where I had no worries. I didn’t even prepare any defenses like I usually do. I was calm. I was cool.
Until we hear he’s a little behind. Seems he supposed to know how to count to 100 and recognize at least to 20. He supposed to be able to write every letter in the alphabet. And cut in a perfect circle, no less.
I felt myself start to freak. Sweat a little. But I had promised myself. Must be a better mom this second time around. That’s what subsequent kids are for, right? To correct all the wrongs you did the first time around. (Poor oldest.)
So I looked at husband, smiled and shoved down all the anxiety I felt. Way, deep down.
I did ask a time or two when everything had changed. Since when do four-year-olds have to basically know how to write a five page paper and proofread it? (So I exaggerate a little.) All I could gather is these are the rules. Four-year-olds are supposed to know this stuff. Heck, I thought that’s what first grade was for. My biggest memory of Kindergarten was making peanut butter in class.
Husband and I promised the teacher we would work on these things. We’d be ready come time for Kindergarten. And then we bowed our head and walked out defeated.
One hour later, husband had a full "snowball education plan" for youngest. You know, just like Dave Ramsey’s snowball plan for paying off debt – you start with the shortest, easiest victories first and go from there. Gain momentum. Husband filled a page on the computer and we’ve already marked off three or four things. With a little luck and dedication we’ll have an Einstein in no time. And maybe we won’t feel like such loser parents.
I think it's ridiculous the things kids are suppose to know before kindergarten. Are they doing long division now?? What good does it do to know all these things before school starts??? Are they really that much "ahead" in the long run??I think it's interesting how much more they learn than we did. Obviously they can, but it means school extends long into their home life. Coop was having huge trouble with the count and write to 100 thing (writing was an end of year goal) and it was so flipping frustrating. Then I realized that he didn't know his teens. Once he finally got that down, the rest fell easily into place. I liked what JB said a while back about encouraging kids in their strengths *rather than* making them knock themselves out to overcome their weaknesses. Then they can really excel somewhere. I don't know how scientific that is - but it sounded like good advice to me.Wow--your school expects MUCH more than ours does. Our Kindergarteners are working on that, and not even at the beginning of the year. I think that's insane to expect preschoolers to write to 100. I sure wouldn't sweat it. Your son clearly has little problem with smarts.No way! When I was a teacher, we were more concerned with whether or not they could throw a ball, follow directions, work independently, things like that. I think we had the things you mentioned on our sheet, but we didn't expect EVERY child to get there. They were just there because some kids are extra bright. That is really silly that your school is like that! You're not a bad mom. Don't let your kid's teacher, or anyone else, ever make you feel like that!I remember kindergarten as the time we learned to play together and observe rules; COUNT to 100 (no writing involved); memorize our names, our parents' names, our addresses and telephone numbers; tie our shoes (yup, no velcro), follow directions, and sit quietly during nap time and when the teacher read to us. Of course, we had only half-day kindergarten at the time, but we sure didn't need to be able to cut a perfect circle before we got there! I personally think this is a product of structured day care--they learn a lot there that we didn't learn at home when I was a kid.You're not loser parents, please don't beat yourselves up at all. It would be NICE if all the preschoolers in the class could do the things you mentioned, because then they would have a head start in kindergarten. You did the right thing to tell the teacher that, "We'll work on it." Are there any lists that say what kids should be doing at certain grade levels, so you know what to expect? I remember the counting to 100 in kindergarten and using scissors, but I don't know how that's been updated or the differences (if any) between school districts. Did the teacher at least say, "Merry Christmas?" (where's that eye-rolling icon?)The best advice I ever received from a mom--"When he's sixteen, no one cares how old your son was when he learned how to read." It helped me to relax and realize it's not a competition, it's a child. The next best advice I received--delaying the time my children entered a traditional school environment.Don't worry, Laura, these ARE KINDERGARTEN skills not "entrance to K" skills. Your son will be just fine in Kindergarten. Some kids, like my oldest, just didn't get into numbers during preschool. That window just wasn't opening yet. ... Halfway through full-day Kindergarten my baby cannot WRITE to 100. They work on COUNTING to 100 a lot during the day so it clicks -- as it will for your son.OK. At least I know we're not crazy. Of course I just talked to husband and they're in the second hour of "school" at our house. He has youngest hitting the books. We do love a challenge. I will say the teacher was great. She thinks he's a great kid, we just need to hammer at some of these other skills. I guess I just feel like an idiot that I didn't realize he needed to know all of these things at 4.It'll all work out in the end. Bo's Pre-K class is doing those things, 1-100, writing A-Z, doing patterns and simple math... they have computer class, Spanish and music and PE and all that stuff. I think kids are starting earlier than they used to... Just be there to support him and do the best you can. Heck, I didn't have Spanish class until high school... they are definitely starting young, which could be a good thing if utilized properly.Wow, tough school! imo Four yr olds are doing well to dress themselves, get the correct shoe on the correct foot. Excelling to do all that you heard from the "teacher". The biggest change for 4s is to realize that there's another world besides home and the grandparents houses. It's a BIG PLUS if they can remember to use a tissue for their noses. By 7th grade it's all a wash. You're lucky if they remember anything from age 4.I'm surprised the teacher used the phrase "a little behind." Preschool isn't for grades, it's for goals. Instead of "your kid is behind" it should have been "we're now working on cutting curved lines." I'm really floored, I saw nothing on there that told me your child was behind.DS is almost 4. His preschool is working on all those things, but I don't think they're expected to be truly proficient in the skills by year's end. DS has some fine motor skills delays because of his autism, but even the normally developing kids in his class are barely learning to write letters, and the snowmen in their hallway attest to their scissor skills. :-) Don't freak yourself out too much!I honestly never cared one bit what my kids could do at that age - each one was completely different...they were just who they were. Gracious, the stuff we create for ourselves to worry about...or is it our image we are worried about? just wondering.I wouldn't worry one bit if I were you. There's such a huge variation among any group of kids. My son could do all that "academic" stuff at a young age, but at 7, he still can't sit for anywhere near 20 minutes, and no way could he name Pokemon characters or dinosaurs or much of anything else. He can't tell me what he did in school at the end of the day. And you don't even want to know about his history of delayed self-help skills (three years of potty-training, anyone?). Trying to teach him to tie his shoes has been a nightmare. We may just use Velcro forever. Like others said above, your son's developmental status at this age won't matter 10 years from now. Or probably even two years from now. I have noticed, though, that more and more people are waiting until age 6 to put kids in kindergarten, especially if they're boys. In my neighborhood, at least, 6 has pretty much become the standard start-kindergarten age. So if you're really concerned, maybe you should consider that. He'll probably end up being the same age as all the other boys in his class.
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