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So here’s the deal. Twenty-one years ago I did something stupid. Hard to believe, I know. But I was in college.
(Oh, if only it seems as racy as it sounds. No such luck. I was a definite prude, no doubt about it.)
At the time my foul up didn’t seem stupid or judgy or snotty or any of the things it really was. No, I thought I was taking a stand. For whom I have no idea.
But now I cringe at the thought of it, the idea of breaking off a friendship because I didn’t approve of something this person was doing (and it wasn’t even against the law…).
To make a long story short, for the past two decades I’ve felt guilty about it. It’s one of those things my close friend would call a death bed wish. My wish before I die to make things right. To apologize.
For years I’ve Googled this person. And I could never find her. I mean about once a week I’m looking her up. Nothing. And it‘s not like her name is Smith or Williams, it’s really unique.
Then lo and behold, two weeks ago I see her on a Facebook page of a mutual high school friend. There she is looking happy and successful, content and real outdoorsy. Married.
I wanted to send a message, even clicked on the button. But then chickened out. I thought it would seem very 12-step-program of me. Like I’m going down a list of people I’ve intentionally wronged and apologizing.
And what if she’s long forgotten it? Who would want to face all that again? Not me.
So I didn’t message. I didn’t ask her to be my “friend.”
What’s weird is what I did to her way back when is really the only thing I regret. My grandma taught me and my sister not to regret anything. You do this by not doing anything you would regret. Sounds simple enough.
Yet not so much.
So, would you email and apologize? Would you FaceBook? Or just be low key, send an email and ask how life is. Just kind of ignore the elephant in the room?
OK, I know what I’m inclined to do. I love ignoring elephants.
I would email or message her. I am friends with someone from high school that I had a tiff with at the end of the school year. We have grown up, which is cool I think.I'd send her a private FB message and let her know what's on your mind. As you say, she may well have forgotten it, or she may have dismissed it as youthful idiocy. You'll never know if you don't try. And if she refuses to accept your apology, then you at least did what you could to right the wrong. Given half an opportunity, I would go back and apologize to someone who is now gone, and I've been kicking myself for nearly 25 years for what I did. Extend the olive branch and see what happens.Know where she is? Make a donation to a charity in her name. Add card to be sent to her with the words, "It's been x years. I apologize." Include your name and address, with phone. Ball will be in her court to contact you.Send her the link to this blog....I went through this last summer and we became "friends" and ignore elephants. It just isn't the same and really the elephants make things crowded in more ways than one.Do it! I had a number of friends that I'd lost touch with -- some on accident, but others because we had a falling out, or (worse) I purposefully ditched them because of something stupid (I used to be more judgy/snotty too), and others because they were jerks to me. Every time, though, I've been glad that I reached out. I've never had an old friend who wasn't glad to see me, no matter what the terms of our last parting. And some of my old, renewed friendships are now a huge comfort to me. Seriously, do it. I'm going to harass you until you do. Poke poke poke. DOOOO ITTTTT.Do it! Do it! Speaking from the other end of things, I recently received an apology from someone. I didn't even remember what had happened, though I did remember I'd been a bit miffed about something she'd said. I was glad she said something, even though it didn't impact my opinion of her (I already really like her!). But I'd hate for her to think I was dwelling on it.I'm with Moosebane-- send a private FB message with an "I was a dumb kid" apology. No need to ask her to be your friend, though she most likely will send you a friend request. Everyone appreciates a sincere apology, even if it's for something they don't remember happened to them! I have a couple to do, too, so I'll send one as well. Ugh. Thanks a lot. :)
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