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I used to know a guy who would always go out alone, his wife nowhere in sight.
Banquets, ceremonies, college basketball games. There he was, sitting and eating and cheering alone. If he had to go out of town, forget about it. No way would she go.
They had a good marriage, and I think they still do. The story was, they didn’t believe in babysitters. They thought their children should always be with one of their parents. Now, 20 years ago -- when I was a carefree college student -- I thought they were nuts. Didn’t understand why they couldn’t part from the kids for awhile and spend some time together.
Well, now that I’m twice that age, I’m still not saying I agree. But I do get it.
Anytime my husband and I go out of town, and leave the boys with family, I freak out. What if we’re delayed and the boys have to stay with someone else for few more days? What if one of us gets hurt while we’re away? And then there’s the obvious, morbid question.
What if we get in a tragic accident and are killed? Both of us. The boys would be orphans.
But if one of us had stayed home? Well, you get the idea.
Say I’m crazy if you want, but I now other families deal with this question. Sure, they’re all friends and may be as insane as I. But oh well.
Because of our own separation anxiety, if that’s what you what you want to call it, the two of us have only been away from both boys at the same time on about three occasions. And they were pretty short trips. Except for a three-day trip last month, but at least it was just three days.
Just last week an unexpected trip to Italy came up. I need to go the first week of July for about five days. And immediately I started to freak. Sure, it would be great for my husband to be able to go. When can we both go to an island off of Naples for just the price of his airfare?
But, then I thought of all the what ifs. What if that volcanic ash hits again and we're stuck overseas for several days, or God forbid, a week, longer than anticipated. What if one of them gets hurt and it takes us a whole day to get home? Then there's the whole plane crashing hypothetical. And let's face it, a day up in the air is a heckuva lot of time and opportunity for something to go wrong.
So, I'm going alone. To an island off of Naples. Sure, I've never gone somewhere this major alone before. No doubt I'm freaking about this already.
But at least the boys won't be alone, without either parent.
That guy I used to know doesn't look so crazy anymore.
hahaha, frizzed!! You don't have a paranoid bone in your body, do you? :-) @Laura, I empathize with you; I call myself a "recovering paranoid freak"; when my oldest was a baby, I was pretty paralyzed by fear when it came to all things concerning him. To the point I could hardly sleep at night (even though he slept great), thinking about all the what if's (like "What if someone crawls in our second floor patio door and kidnaps him). What really transformed me and began my "road to recovery" was memorizing Psalm 91 in the Bible. Seventeen years later, there are still days I struggle with my thoughts, but I've learned to let go and trust God to take care of them. I would strongly encourage you to rethink the Naples thing; but understand the fear that is there! (P.S. I'm still pretty selective when it comes to babysitters.)Totally understand. I have MANY of those same fears. Only time both of us have been away from our kids is while i was in the hospital HAVING the 2nd one and that was only for 1 night. Now I am finally ready to pay for a babysitter, get out, enjoy my husband and we are way too broke to go anywhere! DH is unemployed! Someday though! Yes we have gone out but usually grandparents babysit. Now they are not well to watch so we're on our own...We don't have family to watch our daughter anymore, so getting away together as a couple for longer than the length of time we can afford a babysitter isn't an option. When our daughter was three, though, we had the opportunity to travel to London, and I left her in the care of my grandmother and mother. We ended up having a great time, but I did insist that we write a will before we left, and on the plane over there I cried and cried, because of the separation from my daughter. All was well until we returned home. My husband had to get back to work and I was planning on spending an extra day or two with my family while recovering from jetlag. On his way home, a blizzard struck. He ended up being stranded for a week in our home with no electricity while I was stranded in Arkansas at my mom's house, because I wasn't going to take my three-year-old home until the heat was back on. Things can and do happen. It's not just paranoia. But today it makes a great story, and my husband and I have fond memories of our trip alone together.Oh, I'm so with you! I think much has to do with who you are leaving your kids with, don't you? I love my family, and my husband and I get to go out for dinner and not pay a babysitter occasionally. We're very lucky. But since my mother isn't living, there's no one I would leave my kids with for more than a very prepared overnight (either it's too much for the family member or they work, etc.) I think if it's not a must that your husband goes, and they aren't paying for it anyway, then I'd do just what you are doing. I could not enjoy any trip if we both went. Have fun in Italy!Oh gosh... don't go alone! Your boys will be fine. That sounds like a once in a lifetime trip for you two. I'd go with Luke in a heart beat. I have no problem with Bo staying with his grandma. She spoils him and loves on him like a grandma should!I remember my parents going to England for a couple of weeks when I was in high school. They took separate flights in case one of the flights didn't make it. Every time they'd leave, my dad would show my brother and I where their life insurance policies were kept. I try to take his same approach - use caution wherever possible, but keep living life. We could just as easily all get hit by a piano falling out of the 2nd store window. I just think it's important to know in our minds that "goodbye" may be our last "goodbye", and be ok with that fact.Does your husband have your same fears or is he all bummed about missing a trip to Italy? I think its important to still have your own life even as a parent (which is not always easy!!) and I would be all over a grown up trip to Italy. I have left my kids for 4 nights once and it was difficult but so good for me and my husband. Maybe one day you will be brave enough to trust your children with someone else...I never had a problem leaving my kids with anyone. I always figured that if I were meant to be permanently attached to them, they would never have left the womb. :)We never lived near family so we always relied on paid baby sitters for the occasional night out. Always a girl we knew from church. And her parents were always home. For the occasional trips away--because whether you want to admit it or not, married adults need extended time away from their kids--grandparents would come to stay with them. Our marriage benefited and so did our children with alone time with the Grands.I understand some of the anxiety, because I always feel funny without my kids even for one night, but this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for you and your hubby! I like Emily's idea - could you stagger the plane trips?I here Italians love blondes...maybe a new hair color prior to the trip, since you are now going solo? J/K. It's never easy to leave the kiddos for travel, even when they have been complete beasts, but it will be good for you to have a little time to yourself. Safe travels.I totally encourage you to make this a couples trip. DH and I had one of those "once in a lifetime opportunities" and I treasure those memories to this very day. Yes, I was paranoid something would happen. I left my wedding ring at home in case we crashed in a burning ball of flames so my kids would at least have that to remember me by. :)
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