advertisement
-
Lindsay Metcalf
on May 22 2013 - 06:00 AM
When that tornado siren sounds, I'm in the basement
- read more
mara williams
on May 21 2013 - 06:00 AM
Summer break has this mom on a house upkeep war path.
- read more
-
I'm going to set the record straight.
No, I can’t whip down — and back up — a ramp, twirl in the air a few hundred times and then remain on my feet as if I’m coordinated or something. You also won’t be seeing me fly down an ice shoot flat on my back unless I’m taped to the luge with heavy electrical tape. (Let’s pray they also taped my mouth shut for the sake of all little children.)And no, I can’t even get off a ski lift without falling on my behind.
Lindsey Vonn, I’m not. So, you might say watching the Olympics makes me feel a tad inadequate. Not only can these people do things most people are never meant to even try, but they do it with grace and poise. (Hell, I didn’t learn to ride a bike until the fifth grade.) And, did I mention these athletes get to eat however many calories they want every day because they exercise and work out so darn much? Just not fair. But, can these so-called athletes assemble – from scratch – a Pinocchio outfit in just two hours? Complete with red hat, rubber nose and a yellow feather for the cap? I think not. So sign me up for that. The Mom Olympics. Oh yeah, you know there’s a story coming. There always is. And again, it’s with oldest. The 3-year-old, he’s been calm and cool lately. Well, other than refusing to eat anything that doesn’t begin with a C and end with a y or ie. (Meaning, Cookie or Candy.) But you can hear about that another week. Oldest, he’s my organizationally-challenged one. Missing homework. Forgotten coats and hats. What, there’s track practice tonight? You get the picture, just like I did Thursday night while on the way home from a long day of work. Oldest calls.“Uh … remember the play?” he asked.
Yes, the one he's been practicing for the past several weeks, where I can't read the script and am scared to death he's going to forget his lines. I know the play.
“Well, I need the costume by tomorrow morning," he says. "In a plastic box.”It’s 6:30 at this time. No problem, I say, I can drum up a Pinocchio costume in no time. With my eyes blindfolded. Leg in a cast.Yeah, right. I didn’t say that. I did a mini mom blow up. With all the lecturing and question asking he knew was coming. The most important question: How long have you known about this????
But then, after he said sorry over and over in his most sincere voice, I went into action. First the party store where lo and behold there was a Pinocchio nose and a red velvet top hat that would have to do.Then Marshalls, where they had $3 red pants I can make into shorts, as well as a pair of knee high socks.
Michaels had yellow feathers.I felt like I was on Mom Apprentice or something, flying froms store to store. Gotta admit it was a little fun. But then came the suspenders and white shirt. The directors wanted red overalls. Not going to happen. And a sailor-collar white, short-sleeved shirt. Nope, not that either. So, off to Wal-Mart. Big farmer, black suspenders will have to do. And a white polo short-sleeved shirt tucked in.Two hours after my son first told me about needing this lovely costume by morning, he stood in front of the mirror looking like Pinocchio.Not a perfect Pinocchio, mind you. But definitely passable.
Take that Lindsey Vonn.
May 2013 Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 Tagsmoms (38)
teens (34)
tweens (27)
toddlers (22)
school (18)
kids (17)
christmas (14)
boys (12)
parenting (10)
toddler (10)
mom (9)
parents (9)
family (8)
friends (8)
birthdays (6)
children (6)
discipline (6)
money (6)
teenagers (6)
economy (5)
facebook (5)
girls (5)
kindergarten (5)
mom moments (5)
shopping (5)
stress (5)
video games (5)
anxiety (4)
diet (4)
fashion (4)
holidays (4)
husbands (4)
santa (4)
sons (4)
sports (4)
talking (4)
teachers (4)
apple (3)
babies and toddlers (3)
books (3)
chores (3)
coupons (3)
crazy (3)
dad (3)
dads (3)
divorce (3)
driving (3)
exercise (3)
flirting (3)
football (3)
ipad (3)
junior high (3)
lessons (3)
marriage (3)
michael phelps (3)
obama (3)
peer pressure (3)
preschool (3)
sex (3)
sleep (3)
steve jobs (3)
tantrums (3)
worry (3)
brad pitt (2)
bragging (2)
church (2)
class (2)
conferences (2)
craigslist (2)
dancing (2)
death (2)
dogs (2)
embarrassing (2)
emergency room (2)
family time (2)
fat (2)
fighting (2)
finances (2)
fits (2)
fitting in (2)
food (2)
google (2)
guardians (2)
guilt (2)
haircuts (2)
high school (2)
homework (2)
husband (2)
internet (2)
joplin (2)
karma (2)
license (2)
losing weight (2)
manners (2)
mccain (2)
mean (2)
men (2)
olympics (2)
phobias (2)
pictures (2)
presents (2)
questions (2)
saving money (2)
scary (2)
spelling bee (2)
stubborn (2)
style (2)
summer (2)
teacher (2)
teen (2)
toys (2)
tv (2)
vanity (2)
weight loss (2)
wii (2)
wills (2)
writing (2)
(1)
16 (1)
40th (1)
911 (1)
accents (1)
acne (1)
activities (1)
add (1)
addiction (1)
advice (1)
affection (1)
afraid (1)
airplanes (1)
alcohol (1)
allow (1)
anger (1)
apologizing (1)
appreciation (1)
arguments (1)
art (1)
autism (1)
babies (1)
babysitter (1)
babysitting (1)
back to school (1)
backsnacks (1)
bad cop (1)
bad luck (1)
bad mom moments (1)
band (1)
bathroom (1)
beer (1)
belief (1)
belongings (1)
birth (1)
birthday (1)
blogging (1)
body image (1)
bones (1)
bosses (1)
bottoms (1)
bribery (1)
broken bones (1)
brothers (1)
budget (1)
butts (1)
cameras (1)
candy (1)
car keys (1)
carnies (1)
carnivals (1)
cartoons (1)
cheap (1)
cheating (1)
chemistry (1)
childhood hunger (1)
christmas cards (1)
christmas spirit (1)
chubby (1)
cleaning (1)
cleavage (1)
clinton (1)
clothes (1)
clutter (1)
cnn (1)
coaches (1)
cold turkey (1)
comic books (1)
commercialism (1)
commitments (1)
communication (1)
competitive (1)
computers (1)
conference (1)
consoling (1)
cooking (1)
coupon policies (1)
creativity (1)
criticism (1)
crutches (1)
curiosity (1)
custody (1)
dances (1)
date night (1)
daughters (1)
deals (1)
decorations (1)
demi moore (1)
dentists (1)
development (1)
diet coke (1)
dinner (1)
dinner table (1)
dinosaurs (1)
discounts (1)
diseases (1)
drama (1)
dreams (1)
dresses (1)
drinking (1)
dying (1)
eating out (1)
education (1)
election (1)
embarrassing moments (1)
emotional (1)
examples (1)
exhausted (1)
failure (1)
fathers (1)
fear (1)
first day (1)
first day of school (1)
first words (1)
fitness (1)
flu (1)
focus (1)
food costs (1)
forgetfulness (1)
frankenweenie (1)
frugal (1)
frustration (1)
fun (1)
funny (1)
games (1)
garden (1)
gardening (1)
gary lezak (1)
gas prices (1)
gifts (1)
girl (1)
girlfriends (1)
good cop (1)
goth (1)
grades (1)
grammar (1)
grandmas (1)
grandparents (1)
graphic novel (1)
grateful (1)
gray hair (1)
groceries (1)
guys (1)
hair (1)
hair dye (1)
haircut (1)
hairstyle (1)
halloween (1)
hanging out (1)
happiness (1)
healthy (1)
helicopter moms (1)
helmets (1)
heroes (1)
history (1)
hobbies (1)
holiday cards (1)
homecoming (1)
hoodies (1)
hooters (1)
hospice (1)
household chores (1)
how to (1)
hugs (1)
humiliation (1)
humor (1)
hungry (1)
ice (1)
imaginary friends (1)
imagination (1)
immunizations (1)
indiana (1)
indulge (1)
interests (1)
joe biden (1)
journey (1)
junk food (1)
kansas city (1)
kavya shivashankar (1)
kenny rogers (1)
kindness (1)
kisses (1)
labor (1)
late (1)
layoffs (1)
lazy (1)
learning (1)
lena (1)
library (1)
lindsey vonn (1)
long hair (1)
losing (1)
loss (1)
lost (1)
love (1)
love you (1)
mail (1)
makeover (1)
markers (1)
math (1)
matt lauer (1)
memories (1)
messy rooms (1)
michelle obama (1)
mistake (1)
mom guilt (1)
mom2mom (1)
moments (1)
mommy and daddy time (1)
morning (1)
mother-in-law (1)
mothers (1)
motivation (1)
mourning (1)
movies (1)
music (1)
nagging (1)
naked (1)
names (1)
neighbors (1)
neil diamond (1)
neurotic (1)
new year (1)
news (1)
nice (1)
night light (1)
night out (1)
nightmares (1)
no (1)
occupations (1)
old (1)
old-fashioned (1)
opinions (1)
outsmarted (1)
overprotective (1)
ozarks (1)
parade (1)
paranoid (1)
parent involvement (1)
parent involvment (1)
parent-teacher conference (1)
parties (1)
passing gas (1)
passion (1)
peeing (1)
peers (1)
pets (1)
photo (1)
photos (1)
please (1)
polite (1)
politeness (1)
politics (1)
potty (1)
pre teen (1)
preschooler (1)
president (1)
presidents (1)
principals (1)
procrastinating (1)
prom (1)
pto (1)
puberty (1)
punishment (1)
quitting (1)
raise (1)
reading (1)
regrets (1)
relationships (1)
remove tag (1)
resolutions (1)
respect (1)
responsibility (1)
road trip (1)
rude (1)
running (1)
running off (1)
ryan lochte (1)
santa claus (1)
sarah palin (1)
saving (1)
savings (1)
school clothes (1)
school dances (1)
scooby (1)
security blanket (1)
self confidence (1)
self help (1)
self-improvement (1)
sensitive (1)
sexting (1)
shooting (1)
short shorts (1)
shy (1)
sibling rivalry (1)
sick (1)
single mom (1)
single moms (1)
skiing (1)
smiling (1)
smurfberries (1)
smurfs-village (1)
snow (1)
socializing (1)
southwest missouri (1)
speech (1)
spirit (1)
spoiling (1)
sportmanship (1)
spying (1)
status (1)
stinky (1)
stitches (1)
strangers (1)
studying (1)
success (1)
sugar (1)
surveys (1)
susan boyle (1)
swearing (1)
swimming (1)
swimsuit (1)
tact (1)
talent (1)
talkers (1)
tantrum (1)
tardy (1)
target (1)
teaching moments (1)
teen driving (1)
teenage boys (1)
television (1)
temper (1)
terminal (1)
tests (1)
texting (1)
texts (1)
thank-you notes (1)
the great depression (1)
the today show (1)
therapy (1)
thighs (1)
thin girls (1)
tim russert (1)
tornado (1)
tornadoes (1)
tragedies (1)
training (1)
traveling (1)
trayvon martin (1)
trips (1)
trouble (1)
ugly (1)
vacation (1)
vacations (1)
vaccines (1)
video (1)
violence (1)
volunteeing (1)
volunteering (1)
walt disney world (1)
weather (1)
wedding rings (1)
weekends (1)
weight (1)
weight gain (1)
weight watchers (1)
winning (1)
wives (1)
women (1)
words (1)
working (1)
working mom (1)
workplace (1)
worlds of fun (1)
wrestling (1)
x-mas (1)
yelling (1)
yo gabba gabba (1)
younger guy (1)
zuckerberg (1)