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mara williams
on May 21 2013 - 06:00 AM
Summer break has this mom on a house upkeep war path.
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How hard is to say that word? PLEASE.
No hard letters. No weird "r" sounds. Or silent letters. Nothing difficult in that six-letter word at all.
Yet our 3-year-old refuses, and I mean refuses, to say it in most cases.So yet again, I’m scouring the parenting books. My friends are scouring parenting books. I’ve Googled, “How to teach a toddler to say please?”
One would think it shouldn’t be so dang hard. And let me just say, one hasn’t tried to match minds with our youngest.
“It’s a bad word,” he tells me Saturday night in the car as I quiz him why he doesn’t want to say it. Ever.
I assure him it’s not. That it’s a nice word. That if you want people to help you with something you need to ask them nicely, not order them.
“I’m not going to say it,” he tells me, shaking his head no. “Babies don’t say it.”
Oh for the love of life.
“But babies don’t talk,” I say, in my futile attempt to inject reason when all he wants is dinner. “You do. You talk really well.”
I could tell, from the rear view mirror that he just shrugged a bit. I’m sure he was thinking, ‘Sure lady, whatever you say.” Yada. Yada. Yada.
Instead he answers:“Babies don’t say it. And I’m not gonna to say it, either.”
See what I mean about losing every time? Then I wrack my brain thinking what baby has traumatized this child so much because he or she never “said” please. He’s not around any babies. Could it be Dora’s little brother and sister? Maybe…
Anyway, back to reality.We had a weekend of not giving in. We wouldn’t do anything (except feed him of course) he wanted us to do unless he said please. And let’s just say the kid didn’t do much Saturday.
He didn’t get to play a computer game until just before bedtime after he slipped in a quiet ‘please’ to his big brother.
One time in his stubbornness, he crossed his arms in front of his chest and said, "just do it.” Lovely.
We had some time in the room for that. Time he doesn’t seem to mind.He’d just come out and refuse to "ask nicely" for another few hours.
The kicker for me was when I told him harshly at one point he needed to go in his room, that we don’t treat people that way, and he looked at me as if he was scolding me.
“Is that the way we ask?” he said.
Hair. Turning. Gray. I can feel it.
Good on ya for stressing the word, Laura. I'm STILL reminding my girls (and even their father) to please use "Please." ... I try to use "Please" myself, thinking that will naturally get them in the habit. ... Sounds like your kiddo is pleased to find a word he can use like a weapon!Ask Mr. Grown Up(lol) what he would like to say instead of "please". Maybe he has some other words that will work and he won't feel like he's being a baby. I'm thinking: "Would you nicely..." "I'm asking if you would...." "It would be kind of you...." "Play with me if you would..." Teach him other ways to say "please". What other words might Santa say?Is he hazy on the definition? Could you try "por favor"? My kids are fairly good with the please and thank yous, but every now and then DS slips in "I command you". Charming.Haha! Have to love toddlers!! Ds is pretty good about it, except at soccer the other day where it took him about 20 minutes and he didn't get a ball until then! Now, DD she is a whole different story. She is my bossy mean one! I'm still trying to figure out how to get her to do a lot of things!Just tell him "because it's the right thing to do." Start him early on that-- wish I did. We use that frequently now, and it makes it easier for them to understand it's not about how they feel all the time. Another tactic-- tell him it's the code word instead of the magic word. Maybe he's gonna be into spy stuff. He's one clever kid! When he figures out how to play the game to get things he wants, it'll be scary!
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