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Who cares that some kids who go to my son’s junior high are allowed to play Grand Theft Auto or have watched Family Guy every night since they were 10?
Or that they can ride a bike -- and even a skateboard for criminy sakes -- without a helmet? And oh yeah, do I look like I care that they’re also allowed to say a few curse words, you know the little ones like the s-word (not stupid) and the H-word (not heck)?
I may not care, but oldest sure does. For the past two weeks I’ve been hit with a parade of ‘Yeah, but (insert name here) is allowed to.’
And I’m starting to get a little bit of a complex. I mean I apparently don’t let my kid do anything fun or cool or exciting. He is a teenager, you know.
I’ve been told I’m a little geeky, too controlling.
Nice. (Not by oldest, thank goodness…)
When he was younger, I didn’t think a thing about it. Sure other kids were allowed to ride their bike alone in the neighborhood, but their moms weren’t obsessed with news stories about snatched children or parents who cried for days in a row because their child was still missing.
Yeah, other kids could stay home after school alone when they were eight or nine, but their moms weren’t freakishly worried about the house burning down because of a faulty dryer vent or convinced a tornado was going to slam through the neighborhood when my child was alone. So oldest just had to deal.
And I just kept using the ole’ -- “If so and so jumped off a bridge, would you?”
Hey, it worked for my mom.
But now that he’s older, he’s thinking he’s missing out on some things. And who knows, maybe he is.
His friends haven’t suffered severe brain damage in catastrophic bike crashes or gone on a carjacking spree, or punched out a cop - at least most of them. I guess video games aren’t such a bad influence after all. They’re not headed for the comedy clubs of Andrew Dice Clay fame.
I was reminded of my rules Saturday night during the season’s last football game. When oldest wasn’t playing, I hung out with the youngest who was all too mesmerized by a couple of older kids. One is the same age as oldest and they’ve gone to school together since the second grade.
He’s a great kid and we talked about his hobbies, how he knows four skateboarding tricks, some of them pretty dangerous. Yet he doesn’t wear a helmet.
When I told him I made oldest always wear one, every time he got on his bike, the boy grimaced.
“What, is that wrong?” I asked. “Is it geeky if he wears one?”
The kid danced around the question.
“Uh, I don’t know how to answer that,” he said. Of course he felt like he was on the spot. I am a mom after all. He finally caved.
“ … But yeah, it’s pretty geeky.”
Is that why oldest has stopped riding his bike? And his scooter?
If only that was the first time Saturday I felt like a fuddy duddy.
Before the game another friend game over to hang before we went to the football picnic.
“Can we play Grand Theft Auto?” oldest asked.
Yeah, right, I answered.
“But (insert friend’s name here) is allowed to,” oldest said. “I played it at his house.”
Oh great. I’ll deal with that later. After I think of some fresh comeback to replace the bridge one.
My standard response is "I love you too much to..." And "when you're an adult/older, you can choose to do that if you wish." While it doesn't make my kids less aggravated, they can't say too much about it. You're a great mom! Listen to your instincts and if you're not ready for something, or he's not ready, it's ok. Just find other areas where he can have some freedom since he's feeling stifled.My son skates without a helmet too, but it's not because I like it. I've tried getting him to wear protective gear, but it's almost like making the good swimmer wear a life jacket at the pool just because I worry too much. DS now drives, so the skating has almost become a thing of the past. DD LOVES "Family Guy," which I think is a disgusting show, and if I'm in the room, it's not on. I don't allow them to play violent video games or watch R-rated movies, either (well, DS can because he's 17 now, but DD is still doing the PG-13 thing). It annoys the bejeebers out of me that their friends get to do all this stuff and therefore my kids are doing it at their homes, but it's not done at my house--no matter how much begging and insulting goes on. :) I've used the "when you're an adult" line too, and DS takes it and runs with it: "Fine! First chance I get I'm moving out!" Oh, if only . . .I get the same thing from my 4 year old sometimes. 'But that other kid climbed on top of the playground equipment and jumped off.' And from me 'sorry sweetie, you know better and I guess I just love you more than his mommy.' I just keep on doing what I think is best for my child so that he is safe and happy!We have a rule: If you ask to do something and the only reason is because so and so does, then the answer is always NO.One other line I use a lot (thanks to my SIL) is "Different rules for different kids." This works within our family, too, like when oldest has a different expectation than the youngest. It's quick and easy to say.Someday when my children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates a parent, I will tell them, as my Mean Mom told me: I loved you enough to ask where you were going, with whom, and what time you would be home. I loved you enough to be silent and let you discover that your new best friend was a creep. I loved you enough to stand over you for two hours while you cleaned your room, a job that should have taken 15 minutes. I loved you enough to let you see anger, disappointment, and tears in my eyes. Children must learn that their parents aren't perfect.. I loved you enough to let you assume the responsibility for your actions even when the penalties were so harsh they almost broke my heart.. But most of all, I loved you enough to say NO when I knew you would hate me for it. Those were the most difficult battles of all.. I'm glad I won them, because in the end you won, too. And someday when your children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates parents, you will tell them. Was your Mom mean? I know mine was. We had the meanest mother in the whole world! While other kids ate candy for breakfast, we had to have cereal, eggs, and toast. When others had a Pepsi and a Twinkie for lunch, we had to eat sandwiches. And you can guess our mother fixed us a dinner that was different from what other kids had, too. Mother insisted on knowing where we were at all times. You'd think we were convicts in a prison. She had to know who our friends were and what we were doing with them. She insisted that if we said we would be gone for an hour, we would be gone for an hour or less. We were ashamed to admit it, but she had the nerve to break the Child Labor Laws by making us work. We had to wash the dishes, make the beds, learn to cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry, empty the trash and all sorts of cruel jobs. I think she would lie awake at night thinking of more things for us to do. She always insisted on us telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. By the time we were teenagers, she could read our minds and had eyes in the back of her head. Then, life was really tough! Mother wouldn't let our friends just honk the horn when they drove up They had to come up to the door so she could meet them. While everyone else could date when they were 12 or 13, we had to wait until we were 16. Because of our mother we missed out on lots of things other kids experienced. None of us have ever been caught shoplifting, vandalizing other's property or ever arrested for any crime. It was all her fault. Now that we have left home, we are all educated, honest adults. We are doing our best to be mean parents just like Mom was. I think that is what's wrong with the world today. It just doesn't have enough mean moms!that was an email i had recieved from my mother about mean moms and its all true she was exactly like that and i am also my son and i argue about the no word i thought i missed out on alot growing up but i have seen those friends i had when i was 17 recently and they have been in and out of jail i had a few of those friends say they wish their parents would have said no more often
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