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mara williams
on Jun 18 2013 - 06:00 AM
Hey, manchild, mama says: clean your room, wash the dishes, don't drink and drive.
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Emily Parnell
on Jun 16 2013 - 06:00 AM
Eating fresh, local produce is good for body and soul
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Jim Cosgrove
on Jun 13 2013 - 06:00 AM
I just want to buy some pants. Please, turn down the music.
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So when horrible things happen in the world, how much do we share with our kids?
Do we immediately let them know what happened? Or do we wait until they ask a question? Do we assume that if it’s something they should really know, that they’ll learn it at school?
I probably break all the rules on this one. My oldest may know way too much about natural disasters, crime and how sometimes bad people do really bad things.
Children of farmers know about crops. Teachers' kids are probably going to learn their ABCs way before they ever get a big bed. And if your mom was a cops reporter for much of your childhood, you’re bound to pick up a few details on robberies and criminals and fall asleep with the scanner on in the kitchen.
Or you just may, on the day after two planes take down the World Trade Center, come up with a question during a jail tour for Cub Scouts that causes everyone to give your mom a crazy look.
“Is bin Laden in one of those cells?” (He’s also learned no question is a stupid question.)
Through the years I’ve grown to believe it’s OK for kids to know things. And I think it’s important how we tell them.
It’s also crucial, at least for me, that some things remain unknown.
Like experts advise, we don’t watch coverage of tragedies nonstop for hours. We wait until the kids are in bed. We also wait until they’re asleep to watch shows like “To Catch a Predator.“ When the oldest asks about a recent tragedy we don’t give him a blow-by-blow. We just give him a few facts and let him ask questions.
After the shooting in Omaha last Wednesday, we just told him that someone went into a mall and shot people. At first, he just gave an, “Oh, OK.”
Then he threw out a “That’s stupid.”
I read a story this week about how parents in Omaha were dealing with this. One dad was listening to his regular radio station as he took his 6-year-old to school. No traffic reports, like usual. Or top of the news nuggets. It was all about the shooting at Westroads Mall.
He didn’t say anything to his son, until the little boy said from the backseat -- “This must be the biggest story.”
The dad pretty much left it at that. And sometimes so do I.
I always take my son’s lead. Four years ago, a cell of tornados basically took out two town in southwest Missouri not far from where we lived. Photos were everywhere. People who lost everything were crying on TV. A few weeks later, I worried he had been exposed to too much. Storms were coming and the weather man said tornados were likely.
My son looked panicked. “Not a tornado,” he said.
I asked if he was afraid. Did he worry that what happened in those towns would happen to us?
“No,” he said. “If there’s a tornado that means you’re going to be gone for a long time.”
Sometimes I love the little world kids are in.
So, moms, do you do what I do and take the lead from your kids? Or do you try to keep the bad stuff from the little ones and just re-evaluate as they get older?
How much is too much?
Chagrined to learn that our school counselor had gone over some of the details of this with the kids on the day after it happened. That's how I was. We don't share alot of this with the kids because we don't want them to live in fear, at the same time, if they hear of something we do discuss. I will say, I did talk to my kids about what happened to the girl in St. Louis -- the one where a mom made up a fake identity, lured her in, then stomped on her and she killed herself. I guess I am the parent and I want to talk to kids about these kinds of things, but I am betting it came up at school *4th graders are suddenly very, very vocal and interested socially. I trust our school and school counselor so I am sure it wasn't pushing any kind of agenda, but sometimes when you're dealing with kids you have to deal with what comes up and the things kids say. We do NOT watch the news here on TV. Only newspaper and internet, and the kids don't read those yet.It seems this perplexing question is coming up more and more? What is appropriate? What is "too much"? My girls are young enough yet I don't have to do much yet. But it is interesting to get questions based on school discussions with their classmates. I agree with Annie, I don't watch TV news when they are awake. The images are just too much for them.My 9 year old gets really worried about shootings, natural disasters....real news (although she handles movies and "make believe" things just fine). We try to avoid talking about news events around her unless it's something she really needs to know about. Read that: people at school will be talking about it. I didn't tell my kids about the Omaha shooting. We have relatives there (two who had just left the mall before it took place), and I didn't want mine to worry. I also didn 't want my older one to think it was not safe to go to the mall. (I know how she thinks.) The way we handle things like this is to tell them only what we think they need to --or are ready to--hear. Unfortunately, my 9 yo is going to have to toughen up. As a 4th grader, the days of my being able to protect her from the news are coming to an end.I remember when JFK died and where I was, except not which class in school. I remember thinking, who was he? Then the teacher said he was our president. A perfect time for a lesson, except she cried and we all thought that was what you should do. I really think the information age gave us wonderful tools to be connected. But I think we give too much to our children. A small article about a shuttle cancellation, but so much about death and hurt. Our family stayed up to watch the man walk on the moon. And it was grand news. I am SO tired of the Morning talk shows. They are aptly named, who could call them news shows anymore. Oprah Winfrey could host them, and you wouldn't know the difference. I watch at the bottom of the hour to get news and weather in the morning. But, I do enjoy Meredith Hoenes and her partner on TV after the first section of the Today Show. Did you know they are cancelling it after the first of the year to add more of the Today Show? Take away local interest in a very nice fromat and put in more people standing in New York showing us make overs and entertainment people.Hey mom4three, good comments. I remember when the space shuttle exploded the first time and I was in high school. It was scary and sad but maybe when shooters take out real people, let alone presidents or international centers of trade, it's hard to explain "axis of evil" to kids? On a lighter note, I e-mailed the producers of the NBC41's Kansas City Live show last week and they said that they are going to run the four hours of the Today Show and then have a midday show at 11 a.m. beginning January 14 that will have some elements of the morning show. But I so agree with you. KC is big enough to have its own morning show without all this national "celeb" machine promotions.This is one of those ongoing struggles for me. I believe knowledge is power (and lessens fear and danger to some extent,) but only if the person receiving the knowledge can process it. The struggle is determining how much of it our kids can process without making it bigger than what it already is. And the important part is being there to help them process the info they take in. It's hard to get into their heads sometimes, even when we feel we know them so well, don't you think? But that's the key, I believe. We just have to be aware of each individual kid and what he/she needs. Withholding info that they hear bits and pieces of (or even just feel the negative energy, such as with 911) can be worse than talking to them about something scary. You know your 5th grader and whether he's a fearful child, extra sensitive, etc. What you tell him would be different than what another mom would tell her same-aged son. But whatever we each say, if a deeper discussion evolves over a topic, I reassure my child why this particular thing won't likely happen to her, and if it did, what she can do in that situation. By the way, I love your son's comment about being more afraid of mom leaving to cover a story than of the actual tornado. He can control what to do in a tornado (knowledge) but can't control missing mom! Good reminder that what we imagine is their fear, isn't it at all, and we should let them guide us in the discussion as you said.
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