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mara williams
on May 21 2013 - 06:00 AM
Summer break has this mom on a house upkeep war path.
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Just for a day. And whatever my sons asked, I would just say yes.
“Can I have a cell phone,” oldest would ask.
“Yes,” I would reply with glee.
“And can I play ‘Grand Theft Auto?’” oldest would throw in before the vintage “All the kids at school do.”
“Yes, by all means.”
And for the toddler?
“Yes, you can have the third cup of pudding.”
Or “Yes, you go play outside even though it’s 14 degrees out.” No problem here.
Gee, this is fun. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Instead, I’m the “no” mom.
No to the cell phone. Hell no to the Grand Theft Auto. To the Resident Evil and Call of Duty. And even Halo 3 at this point. No. No. No.
Sure, he knows he can’t say the bad, bad words, but what about the c-word. Not that c-word, but the less bad one, the word that ends in rap?
Nope. Hate that word.
And then there’s a “no” when oldest asks to ride around the neighborhood on his bike alone. Someone could grab him and kidnap him. Or ride without a helmet. He could crash and crack open his head.
The poor kid has stopped telling me what all the other kids get to do. He knows that other moms aren’t as neurotic as me. He’s heard more than his share of lectures/stories that start out “Do you know what can happen if …?”
My most recent “No” came after his aunt got him a new Mac computer for Christmas. His Nana bought him World of Warcraft and Aunt threw in the monthly fee for the game.
And for the record, I did say “yes,” to WOW (look at me with the hip acronym) even though I know some of the kids at school don’t even get to play it. We had strict rules - limited playing time, nothing overly violent and no chatting with other people.
I launched into my lecture about how you never know who’s typing at the other end of cyberspace. Of course he got a few “Do you know what can happen if …?” followed by real life stories plucked from crime reports. I probably scared the poor guy.
Indeed, I think I say no too often. But honestly, I’m thinking some people aren’t saying it near enough.
Kids the same age as oldest are saying words I wouldn’t even say in college.
Teens sending nude photos of themselves cell phone to cell phone? Uh, hell no.
Preteen girls wearing skimpy clothes like they’re in their early 20s? Nope.
But it doesn’t have to be all bad. After all I just gave my 2-year-old a bowl of blueberries at 9:30 p.m. Sometimes it feels kind of good to be a “yes” mom.
If more parents would say no, we might not have many of the problems that face our young people today. When my kids were growing up usually when they said "everyone else or nobody else" it took further investigation to come to the conclusion that they were overstating their percentages. Now, it sounds like the majority of middle school children do have such things as cell phones. Is this true?I think most kids in middle school do have cell phones! Even some grade school kids do with texting! Now you tell me what grade school age child needs a cell phone?When you are responsible to pay for your own cell phone then that is when you should have one,computer games,wii games,etc.if they are violet should never be played,there is enough viloence in the world w/out playing it too,kids are not safe anywhere by themselves now days,thats sad but true,the other day I was set.in my car in store park.lot wait.on friend while she shop.& 2 different x's car pulled up beside me,w/teenage boys being loud,using cuse words,listen.to very loud,bad music,it was embarrassing,made me very uncomfort.,&scared,wow,its sad to know that someone's child that they raised could be so vaulgur.To say yes to this system of things is a death sentence,to say no is a chance of a better life."No" seems to be a guilt word. Most of my kids' friends have parents who are divorced, and in a LOT of those cases, the parents are trying to outdo each other in spoiling the kids. So since other kids' moms never say no, why should my kids' mom say it? They just don't get it.I agree - sometimes being a yes-mom sounds so appealing. And being a no-mom, although usually very responsible and good-in-the-long- run, is sometimes difficult. With two teens who will too-soon be having to make their own decisions, I try to work out compromises (yes, you can see a movie with your friends, but it has to end before dark) or (yes, you can see PG-13 movies, but only if I agree after reading MovieMom) or (yes, you can have a cell phone so you can call when sports practice is over, but I will check your texts and if anything is inappropriate, you will lose the privilege). I also try to look for a better choice that I can say yes to (Can I have a cookie? You can have a snack, how about blueberries?) It has taken a lot of years, but my girls have learned to look at their choices and find appropriate alternatives...most of the time. I do still say "no," but not always.And so they listen! Who knows when a "yes" might just pop in as an answer. That's what I told mine. I say 'no', so you'll be delighted when you hear "yes". I won't deprive you of that particular delight. The song's lyrics were: No! No! no,no,na,no-no. Sing it loud!!So I am not the only mom that feels like all I say is NO. The topic of this blog seems to go a little along with this weeks question. Do we let our kids do what the others are doing, something like that. As they get older it gets harder to decide when to say yes. You don't want them to feel like you never let them do anything, but these days we have to be more careful when we say yes. And of course there is always the "but mom he gets to". I know how you feel about video games. If your kids friends parents let them have a game that wasn't meant for their age group, then what are we suppose to do. Most parents have trouble saying no on a regular basis, so there kids are quite spoiled with the latest. Even if they are not divorced.It's good to er, "no" I'm not alone. Next time the kids complain that I'm mean for saying no, I'll just say, "Hey, it could be worse. You could have Laura for a mom... she never says yes to ANYTHING!" Well... except blueberries. :D Great blog!I saw that story on teens sending nude photos via cell phone...Very scary! Sometimes I get to be the yes mom by saying, "Yes, you can have a cat when you have your own apartment," or "Yes, you can eat cake for breakfast when you're in college." Mostly I'm the no mom. I follow a lot of "my friends get to" comments with, "You're a (our last name,) not a (friend's last name.)" My oldest wants to scream when I say that. Tee-hee...
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