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The question has to be asked: can you teach a child, a small child, tact? And is there anyway to do it without experiencing some horribly embarrassing moments?
Let’s just say I hope so. Our youngest is just starting to dabble in the whole language thing and I’m still reliving moments -- awful, awkward moments -- from my oldest.
I had a fairly new boss once, one my son had only seen a time or two and never up close. He was a large man. Very large. And my son, well, was a very outgoing, friendly sort of pre-schooler. He liked to pat people’s bellies (we finally were able to stop this behavior as well.) He loved to chat people up.
One day I had my son with me at work as I finished a story. Before I knew it, the two were chatting and everything was going great. Friendly boss, friendly son. I even managed to write a few words.
Then, all of a sudden, up goes my son’s hand. He touches my boss’s belly, pats it and then says, “Boy, you’re fat.”
Keep typing, I said to myself at the time. Don’t look up.
“I’m not fat, I’m fluffy,” my boss says, making me think he‘s used this reply before.
Instantly, I knew this wasn’t going to be good.
“No,” my son replies ever so cheery. “You’re fat because you eat too much.”
Now, what would you do at that moment? Laugh nervously? Chastise your son, who was just being honest, and tell him to apologize, which then is like admitting that you agree your boss is fat? Start refreshing your resume in your mind? (Really, let me know what you might have done. Moms need to learn too.)
Well, I took option D. I waited until my son had run off to talk to someone else and I lied like a crazy woman.
“Oh, his dad is a little bigger. He says that all that time.”
I really don’t know what I thought I was accomplishing at that moment. Did I forget that my boss could one day cross paths with my son’s dad (my very skinny husband at the time). And, more important, did I forget that he was coming inside the newsroom to pick up our son any minute?
Humiliation does crazy things to moms. I escaped this event without my boss seeing my husband, and actually, I managed to keep them from ever coming face to face. (Divorce helped in that one) And from that night on, I’ve used this story to teach the oldest how to be polite, how to keep bad thoughts to himself.
The good news is I do think he’s learned the lesson. Well, almost.
Since having a baby 15 months ago I’ve been working to lose weight, and felt I had been having some level of success. My son has been very supportive, which is what I know he was doing, in his own way, the other day.
We were sitting at a crowded dinner table of extended family when he chose to give me what he considered a verbal high-five:
“Your thighs are almost the size of normal people’s,” he said.
Yeah, tact is a work in progress, I guess.
Don't we just love our boys? :) My little one likes to tap my belly too...he says "Mama's belly" he also likes to tap my ... um.... my... uh.... boobs....when i'm not lookin' and least expect it of course... What am I supposed to say? Usually I say "No Bo, that hurts mama's chest..." They will learn eventually I guess. ;)That's hilarious! I have no idea what I would have done in your situation with your boss -- what can you do when a child speaks the truth? Yikes. My cousin once told her mom's date that his breath smelled bad. I don't think her mom went out with him again.funny! Thanks for sharing! I actually have a line I use when a situation like that occurs... I tell the child..in front of the person.." and you have curly hair and I have blue eyes..isn't it great that God made us all different?' LATER they get " the talk" about only saying nice things to people. oh, and don't read the book Chocolate Tina ( about a girl who like chocolate so much she turns into chocolate) to your child-- oy! On one trip through O'Hare 18 mos old DD pointed out every person of color and said " Chocolate".How embarrassingly funny! While I haven't had that experience with a boss, we are still working on tact when encountering someone with special needs. I also use something like sahmia43's line-- "We're all different sizes, colors, and shapes. Wouldn't it be boring if we were all the same?" I smile as big as I possibly can at the person addressed, and quickly walk away. Then I talk to my child privately. I've had many red-faced occasions in Target. Teaching tact sort of goes along with teaching the white lie concept. The only way I know is to teach after the embarrassing thing is said.Well, being your older sister, I like to offer advice when I can. Thanks for asking. I remember the day you called to tell me what Mitchell had done. I'm as speechless now as I was then. I just hope he never loses that innocence. PS: one Halloween I took him to a friend's house so that I could show off his Tigger costume. He barged right in and opened their fridge and asked if they had any ice cream. Can't wait until he starts to date!
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