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Lindsay Metcalf
on Jun 19 2013 - 06:00 AM
My top five most important moments of the summer so far
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mara williams
on Jun 18 2013 - 06:00 AM
Hey, manchild, mama says: clean your room, wash the dishes, don't drink and drive.
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Emily Parnell
on Jun 16 2013 - 06:00 AM
Eating fresh, local produce is good for body and soul
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Jim Cosgrove
on Jun 13 2013 - 06:00 AM
I just want to buy some pants. Please, turn down the music.
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So, surely you've asked question.
"Do I look fat?"
How does your significant others handle it? Do they stammer and look away? Do they give an unconvincing, and a little too forced, “No, honey, you could never look fat?”
Or do they just shoot you straight? Say yes when you do and no when you don’t? (And then spend the next two days trying to kiss up to you to make amends?)
Can you believe there are Internet sites dedicated to telling men how to answer this question?
Don’t hesitate, women warn. Stay calm, they tell men. And never answer the question directly. Basically, if you’re not liking what you see, men, avoid honesty at all cost.
All she wants to hear, say these advice givers, is that she looks wonderful and never looked better.
But here’s the thing. Some women really want the truth. No matter how brutal.
So says Whoopi -- as in Goldberg, from The View. And I gotta agree.
On a rare morning last week, when I was off from work and actually watching television, I caught The View. (BTW, I’m loving Whoopi in that format for some reason!!) She started out the gab fest with the “Honey, do I look fat?” question.
For the record, she wants all truth all the time. Hasselbeck doesn’t, neither does Shepherd. And Joy says she’s too damn old to care.
But apparently Whoopi read a study (which I couldn’t find) that said women who are aren’t secure with their looks and body don’t really want to hear the truth. Those women ask the question just for positive validation (and pretty much better get it).
But if a woman is secure with herself, and how she looks, she wants the truth. No matter how it may sting.
What do you think? You buy that? Do we just ask the question to get the answer we want? Or do we really want the truth?
I know this is hard to believe -- given my penchant for overreacting -- but I actually want the truth. The way I look at it is if my husband thinks I look huge or horrible, someone else is bound to and then my defenses will be down because I‘m in the real world. Why not get that over with in the privacy of your own home?
And I must say, my husband has caught on to this whole honesty thing. He can be cutting. But he does try to soften the blow.
“Well,” he said after one of my recent big questions, “you don’t look fat, you just don’t look as good as you could.”
And?
“The first pair looked better. Got any other options?” Nice.
Or?
“Oh, I don’t know, those pants hang funny on your thighs. Not the best choice.”
Sure, there are times I huff and puff and whine, but I keep asking and he keeps honestly answering.
We’ve already told our oldest that this question can be a loaded one and maybe he should steer clear of taking the question so literally. Just tell her she looks wonderful and leave it at that.
I may be going to ask him the Big Question instead of my husband.
The dreaded question...If your husband wants to live and be happy for the remainder of the evening, we all know what the answer should be...I do want my husband to be honest..sometimes...most of the time.....???I want all truth--all the time. If my DH thinks I look like shit, I can only imagine what others are thinking. DH has a lovely approach, so it doesn't make me feel bad at all...I just want to look pretty! :D The same holds true for friends out shopping...if my ass looks big in a pair of jeans, and you are with me...you'd better let me know. :)After 27 years of marriage, I have learned... Don't ask the question if you don't want an honest answer. First of all, don't you expect honesty in every other part of your marriage? Why would you set your husband-partner up for failure if he answered the way you didn't want him to. Just be confident and your husband will always think you are beautiful.My dh usually knows I'm just looking for validation if I ask him questions about my looks. He's fair and honest, and I appreciate it. What irritates me is when I know I look bad, and he's like, no, you look great... to me that just smacks of dishonesty.My husband never fails to tell me the truth. But he always tries to help me look better, if we're going somewhere. Otherwise, he will just glance down at his own ever-increasing belly and then give me the who-cares-it's-just-us look.I think wives who ask that question of their husbands need a good pop in the forehead. Seriously, why would you put your husband in a no win situation? What if you do look bad, what if you do look fat? Why do you want him to lie and tell you you don't look fat? What a stupid scenario to put the man you love most on this whole planet into. I might treat people I don't like that way, but not the man I married. Set him up to fail? How rude is that? You have eyes, you know if you look fat or not. I totally agree with misthang29. Don't we want honesty in our marriage, and now we're hoping our husband will lie to us? Sorry Kate, I know it was just a silly question to get the conversation going, but I have a hard time understanding why women treat their husbands this way.Sorry, not Kate, I mean Laura...I was thinking that I wanted to read Kate's blog next and had her on the brain! :)If we are getting ready to go out and I ask my hubby how an outfit looks on me, I expect an honest answer. I wouldn't ask if I was sure it looked good, so I'm basically saying, "If I'm going to make a fool of myself, tell me before we leave the house!"Okay, here goes... I don't care how other people judge me to look. I really don't. I may not like being fat because it feels uncomfortable or because it's unhealthy, but I couldn't give one squat about if someone else thinks I look fat. In fact, if someone were to tell me they thought I'd look fat, I'd probably think, "Well, your eyebrows are too close together, but I didn't say anything to you!" I've never asked DH this question and I can't imagine I ever will. I know whether or not I look fat -- if I want to hide it, I try to (Spanx to the rescue!!!). If I don't, I don't sweat it. Most of the time... I don't sweat it.I want the truth, and DH gives it to me - nicely. I usually only ask when I'm already questioning the outfit. But I also know when he asks, "Are those pants comfortable?" without my prompting that there is something wrong.I think if you aren't constantly asking if you look fat, then once in awhile it's ok to ask. But I prefer to ask differently-- Do I have a panty line? Does this outfit look ok on me? Are these looking too tight in the back? That puts him in a more comfortable situation where he can comment on the clothes and not so much on me, even though it all means the same much of the time. But I would never expect my husband to be too blunt-- honesty is one thing, tactless is another.
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