advertisement
-
Most every parent lays down the law on curse words. Then you have violent video games and violent or confrontational behavior, all no nos in most households.
Well, we’re taking things a step further these days. We’re banning certain words and phrases that basically send me over the edge, that make me want to bang my head five times with the pots our toddler just pulled from the cabinets.
Here’s what I’m talking about.
“So,” I ask our oldest. “How was school today?”
“Fine,” he says.
“Well, what happened?” I say, hoping to prod some conversation and detail loose.
“I don’t know,” he shrugs. “Nothing.”
“Nothing? Nothing happened at all?”
“Nope, uh-uh, just school,” he says, somewhat annoyed that I keep talking.
“Well, what was for lunch?”
“I can’t remember …”
At first I just laughed. Then, as the days progressed I realized I knew so little about what was going on in his life. I mean, sure, I knew he was doing his assignments, getting all A’s and B’s (except for that one test) and who he was hanging out with at recess. But those are easy. Just look at the backpack and rattle off the names of kids in his grade who he’s always hung with.
I’m also lucky that he has the greatest guilty conscience in the world. If he got in trouble that day, he’s spilling it all the minute I see him.
But what about actual conversation? I think I would get more information from an enemy combatant during war time than my own preteen in the hours after school.
When he was younger he would just wax on and on, talking about some kid’s red pencil box and how it wouldn’t open or how a kid in his class got in trouble five times in one day and they had to call his mom. He could even tell me what he got in trouble for during four of those five times.
These days, he’s turned into silent guy. And as he puts it, “Mom, just wait until I get to junior high, it’s just going to get worse.”
And of course I've read too many stories about kids this age dealing with certain issues and how they don't want to talk about it. So, yes, I'm all crazy about wanting to talking to him all the time, making sure he's doing OK. The poor kid, he drew the hyper active, over involved mom who's really just a pain in the rear at times.
For now, we’re trying a little experiment. When we’re talking about our day, whether it’s right after school or at the dinner table, no one can say words like “fine,” phrases like “I don’t know” and “Nothing.” Add to it answers like, “Ok, I guess” and “I can’t remember.”
We even ask questions differently. Now we’re saying, “Name three things that happened today,” or “What made you mad today?” and “Who did you talk to today that you didn’t talk to yesterday?”
Yeah, it all seems a little elementary, I know. And it sure does to our oldest. (I’m about to ban eye rolling, just you wait.)
We have banned the word "gay" from our house. As in, "Mom, that's so gay!" "Shut up" is also forbidden. And we never, NEVER allow "I hate you" to get past us!I learned that from dd's preschool teacher to ask specific questions. Its hard but I get more info if I ask if she played on the swings at recess instead of how was recess. We have banned "I am bored", anything with the words Hate and Poop, Nothing gets done by me unless there is a please and thank you involved.My kiddo's preschool teacher just gave us this tip: Ask him to teach you something he learned today. That's great for a 4-year-old; your guy would probably laugh hysterically at that. As for banned words, if we banned 'poop' my guy would be mute.Hoo boy, it's only just begun...As the mom of a 14-year-old boy, I wish you luck in getting him to talk. It's tricky, but we've found we have to wait for him to come to us. It's often late at night right before bedtime...and when we're most exhausted!Ooh, I love your solution! The specific questions... that's brilliant!!! It seems to me that it's kid-specific. My oldest two will talk your ear off all day long about school, but my youngest... already!... in preschool, no less!... I get the "nothings" and the "fines." So frustrating. But I've learned if I back off and don't ask him anything, eventually he'll come to me and tell me something later in the day. It's like he needs to "forget the trauma" first. LOL Oh, and we've banned "Slugbug" punching from our house. LOLI'm going to use gracemh's suggestion to have my young kids "teach" me something they learned. I love that! We're not there yet with the "I don't knows," but my older sis with 3 boys found that even as pre-teens, if she lay down with her kids at night for a few minutes (like after reading a chapter book---yes, they did that each night still) then the boys would talk to her. Something about not looking her right in the eye helped. I've heard this is also good in the car-- again, no direct eye contact seems to help them open up. I think KCLady said it right: wait for him to come to you, but I'd add I think it's our job to still ask.
May 2013 Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 Tagsmoms (38)
teens (34)
tweens (27)
toddlers (22)
school (18)
kids (17)
christmas (14)
boys (12)
parenting (10)
toddler (10)
mom (9)
parents (9)
family (8)
friends (8)
birthdays (6)
children (6)
discipline (6)
money (6)
teenagers (6)
economy (5)
facebook (5)
girls (5)
kindergarten (5)
mom moments (5)
shopping (5)
stress (5)
video games (5)
anxiety (4)
diet (4)
fashion (4)
holidays (4)
husbands (4)
santa (4)
sons (4)
sports (4)
talking (4)
teachers (4)
apple (3)
babies and toddlers (3)
books (3)
chores (3)
coupons (3)
crazy (3)
dad (3)
dads (3)
divorce (3)
driving (3)
exercise (3)
flirting (3)
football (3)
ipad (3)
junior high (3)
lessons (3)
marriage (3)
michael phelps (3)
obama (3)
peer pressure (3)
preschool (3)
sex (3)
sleep (3)
steve jobs (3)
tantrums (3)
worry (3)
brad pitt (2)
bragging (2)
church (2)
class (2)
conferences (2)
craigslist (2)
dancing (2)
death (2)
dogs (2)
embarrassing (2)
emergency room (2)
family time (2)
fat (2)
fighting (2)
finances (2)
fits (2)
fitting in (2)
food (2)
google (2)
guardians (2)
guilt (2)
haircuts (2)
high school (2)
homework (2)
husband (2)
internet (2)
joplin (2)
karma (2)
license (2)
losing weight (2)
manners (2)
mccain (2)
mean (2)
men (2)
olympics (2)
phobias (2)
pictures (2)
presents (2)
questions (2)
saving money (2)
scary (2)
spelling bee (2)
stubborn (2)
style (2)
summer (2)
teacher (2)
teen (2)
toys (2)
tv (2)
vanity (2)
weight loss (2)
wii (2)
wills (2)
writing (2)
(1)
16 (1)
40th (1)
911 (1)
accents (1)
acne (1)
activities (1)
add (1)
addiction (1)
advice (1)
affection (1)
afraid (1)
airplanes (1)
alcohol (1)
allow (1)
anger (1)
apologizing (1)
appreciation (1)
arguments (1)
art (1)
autism (1)
babies (1)
babysitter (1)
babysitting (1)
back to school (1)
backsnacks (1)
bad cop (1)
bad luck (1)
bad mom moments (1)
band (1)
bathroom (1)
beer (1)
belief (1)
belongings (1)
birth (1)
birthday (1)
blogging (1)
body image (1)
bones (1)
bosses (1)
bottoms (1)
bribery (1)
broken bones (1)
brothers (1)
budget (1)
butts (1)
cameras (1)
candy (1)
car keys (1)
carnies (1)
carnivals (1)
cartoons (1)
cheap (1)
cheating (1)
chemistry (1)
childhood hunger (1)
christmas cards (1)
christmas spirit (1)
chubby (1)
cleaning (1)
cleavage (1)
clinton (1)
clothes (1)
clutter (1)
cnn (1)
coaches (1)
cold turkey (1)
comic books (1)
commercialism (1)
commitments (1)
communication (1)
competitive (1)
computers (1)
conference (1)
consoling (1)
cooking (1)
coupon policies (1)
creativity (1)
criticism (1)
crutches (1)
curiosity (1)
custody (1)
dances (1)
date night (1)
daughters (1)
deals (1)
decorations (1)
demi moore (1)
dentists (1)
development (1)
diet coke (1)
dinner (1)
dinner table (1)
dinosaurs (1)
discounts (1)
diseases (1)
drama (1)
dreams (1)
dresses (1)
drinking (1)
dying (1)
eating out (1)
education (1)
election (1)
embarrassing moments (1)
emotional (1)
examples (1)
exhausted (1)
failure (1)
fathers (1)
fear (1)
first day (1)
first day of school (1)
first words (1)
fitness (1)
flu (1)
focus (1)
food costs (1)
forgetfulness (1)
frankenweenie (1)
frugal (1)
frustration (1)
fun (1)
funny (1)
games (1)
garden (1)
gardening (1)
gary lezak (1)
gas prices (1)
gifts (1)
girl (1)
girlfriends (1)
good cop (1)
goth (1)
grades (1)
grammar (1)
grandmas (1)
grandparents (1)
graphic novel (1)
grateful (1)
gray hair (1)
groceries (1)
guys (1)
hair (1)
hair dye (1)
haircut (1)
hairstyle (1)
halloween (1)
hanging out (1)
happiness (1)
healthy (1)
helicopter moms (1)
helmets (1)
heroes (1)
history (1)
hobbies (1)
holiday cards (1)
homecoming (1)
hoodies (1)
hooters (1)
hospice (1)
household chores (1)
how to (1)
hugs (1)
humiliation (1)
humor (1)
hungry (1)
ice (1)
imaginary friends (1)
imagination (1)
immunizations (1)
indiana (1)
indulge (1)
interests (1)
joe biden (1)
journey (1)
junk food (1)
kansas city (1)
kavya shivashankar (1)
kenny rogers (1)
kindness (1)
kisses (1)
labor (1)
late (1)
layoffs (1)
lazy (1)
learning (1)
lena (1)
library (1)
lindsey vonn (1)
long hair (1)
losing (1)
loss (1)
lost (1)
love (1)
love you (1)
mail (1)
makeover (1)
markers (1)
math (1)
matt lauer (1)
memories (1)
messy rooms (1)
michelle obama (1)
mistake (1)
mom guilt (1)
mom2mom (1)
moments (1)
mommy and daddy time (1)
morning (1)
mother-in-law (1)
mothers (1)
motivation (1)
mourning (1)
movies (1)
music (1)
nagging (1)
naked (1)
names (1)
neighbors (1)
neil diamond (1)
neurotic (1)
new year (1)
news (1)
nice (1)
night light (1)
night out (1)
nightmares (1)
no (1)
occupations (1)
old (1)
old-fashioned (1)
opinions (1)
outsmarted (1)
overprotective (1)
ozarks (1)
parade (1)
paranoid (1)
parent involvement (1)
parent involvment (1)
parent-teacher conference (1)
parties (1)
passing gas (1)
passion (1)
peeing (1)
peers (1)
pets (1)
photo (1)
photos (1)
please (1)
polite (1)
politeness (1)
politics (1)
potty (1)
pre teen (1)
preschooler (1)
president (1)
presidents (1)
principals (1)
procrastinating (1)
prom (1)
pto (1)
puberty (1)
punishment (1)
quitting (1)
raise (1)
reading (1)
regrets (1)
relationships (1)
remove tag (1)
resolutions (1)
respect (1)
responsibility (1)
road trip (1)
rude (1)
running (1)
running off (1)
ryan lochte (1)
santa claus (1)
sarah palin (1)
saving (1)
savings (1)
school clothes (1)
school dances (1)
scooby (1)
security blanket (1)
self confidence (1)
self help (1)
self-improvement (1)
sensitive (1)
sexting (1)
shooting (1)
short shorts (1)
shy (1)
sibling rivalry (1)
sick (1)
single mom (1)
single moms (1)
skiing (1)
smiling (1)
smurfberries (1)
smurfs-village (1)
snow (1)
socializing (1)
southwest missouri (1)
speech (1)
spirit (1)
spoiling (1)
sportmanship (1)
spying (1)
status (1)
stinky (1)
stitches (1)
strangers (1)
studying (1)
success (1)
sugar (1)
surveys (1)
susan boyle (1)
swearing (1)
swimming (1)
swimsuit (1)
tact (1)
talent (1)
talkers (1)
tantrum (1)
tardy (1)
target (1)
teaching moments (1)
teen driving (1)
teenage boys (1)
television (1)
temper (1)
terminal (1)
tests (1)
texting (1)
texts (1)
thank-you notes (1)
the great depression (1)
the today show (1)
therapy (1)
thighs (1)
thin girls (1)
tim russert (1)
tornado (1)
tornadoes (1)
tragedies (1)
training (1)
traveling (1)
trayvon martin (1)
trips (1)
trouble (1)
ugly (1)
vacation (1)
vacations (1)
vaccines (1)
video (1)
violence (1)
volunteeing (1)
volunteering (1)
walt disney world (1)
weather (1)
wedding rings (1)
weekends (1)
weight (1)
weight gain (1)
weight watchers (1)
winning (1)
wives (1)
women (1)
words (1)
working (1)
working mom (1)
workplace (1)
worlds of fun (1)
wrestling (1)
x-mas (1)
yelling (1)
yo gabba gabba (1)
younger guy (1)
zuckerberg (1)