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Kady McMaster
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If you’re a real soccer mom, you know me.
I’m the mom who pulls up late to practice, slows down to an idle long enough to let one kid out of the car and yells “I’ll pick you up after practice” as I squeal out of the parking lot.
You’re sitting there in your portable chair with “Dick’s Sporting Goods” plastered across the back, thinking I’m really uninvolved in my kid’s life.
Well, not really. Just when it comes to athletics.
I am so not a soccer mom or basketball mom or football mom.
My kids probably wish I were. I mean, most moms who sit through a soccer game probably can tell you if their kid’s team won, but I’m not always sure.
When my eighth-grade football player tells me that So-and-so is a tight end, you don’t even want to know what image flashes through my mind every single time. And frankly, I truly have no idea what he’s talking about. And I was a football cheerleader for five of my teen-age years.
Then there’s my daughter’s quandary about what basketball team to play on. Coaches are calling, trying to persuade my hubby and me to sign her up for their teams. One even told me he was aiming to take his sixth-grade girls’ basketball team to the Show-Me State Games next summer. My reaction – Crap. How can we get out of that?
I’m sorry, I just can’t get excited about this. To me, sports is just a great way for my kids to stay active and have fun, make some friends, learn about teamwork, keep them out of trouble. It’s not the be-all, end-all that some make it out to be. At least not to me.
I’ve expressed this opinion to other parents of children on my kids’ teams, and I generally get a look reserved for the crazies. They nod, smile politely and move their Dick’s chairs farther away from mine.
And I think they pity my children, thinking how sad it is that I don’t push my kids to spend two or three nights a week at a sports practice, at least one weeknight playing a game and devote the entire weekend to tournaments. They think I’m setting them up for failure in high school and beyond.
Just the other night, I was talking to one of those courting basketball coaches. He said his team likely would play league games on Wednesday nights. Well, our daughter has piano lessons on that night, and I’m not about to change that for one season of basketball.
So I told the guy that logistically, I didn’t know if our daughter could play on his team. Not only were Wednesdays out, but other nights already were devoted to other things. And I have more than one kid and a spouse who travels during the week. I can’t be three places at once, so we try to keep it simple.
He ‘’um-hmmed” and “OK’d” and then said he’d be happy to give my daughter rides as much as possible.
He just didn’t get my point. But was I really surprised? No.
We believe in the truism, “In all things, moderation.” Moderation, in my book, does not mean playing two or three sports at once, devoting most nights to practice or games, spending entire weekends watching 12-year-olds play soccer or basketball or baseball, giving up family vacation for some tournament.
Moderation means being in the band and playing a sport, so that when you’re an adult, you can enjoy music as well as have an athletic outlet, if you want.
Moderation means having time to go to the movies on the weekends or to church youth group or to just do nothing, if you want.
Moderation means realizing that no amount of middle-school playing time guarantees anything, from a spot on the high school team to a college athletic scholarship.
Call me crazy. Just don’t call me to be the team manager.
I'm the same way when he comes to knowing anything about football. My oldest son played for years and my middle one started flag last year. I still don't know positions, or plays, or if he is doing what he is supposed to do. I can't get my brain to think that way!I have kind of the same feeling.. Of course my kids are 4 and 3 right now so I don't have that running everywhere problem yet.. My think is I will encourage or support my kids in whatever they choose to do within reason of course. My problem is we don't have alot of money so I worry about if they want to do all of these things how will we afford it.. Even now I get brochures about signing them up for stuff and I just can't afford it.. I feel really bad but I feel like a roof over our head is more important than getting my kid into some dance or sports activity.. I also don't understand why some parents push their kids to do this and that. I understand the keep them active and out of trouble part but kids only have one time to have their youth why not let them decide what they want to do or figure out what their true talent is and let them go with that.. I know my sister which is 13 years younger than me wasted so much of my mom and dads money because they wanted her to do this and that.. Of course I didn't stick with things my parents wanted me to do because I wasn't into it. To this day I still hear about how I quit, but my heart wasn't in it.. So I guess some would call me lazy but believe me once my kids find out what their talent is we will go all the way for them to succeed..We have a one-sport-at-a-time rule, and that's only after we lifted the ban on all things extracurricular. But I have to say, I actually enjoy sitting and watching the practices, because often it's my only unwinding time of the day. I can sit down, relax, nothing to clean, nothing to write, nothing to read, no shoes to tie... just... sit. And over my many years of doing this, I will say... the vast majority of soccer moms sit there and chat with one another and may very well have no idea what the game is all about, either. :-)We too have the one-thing-at-a-time rule (sports, band, whatever). I didn't mind sitting through baseball practice with DS, except that he turned out to be waaaaay too competitive and had a nasty attitude toward his teammates, so that didn't last long. DD is an aspiring equestrienne, and while I love watching her ride, I can't just stand at the edge of the arena for an hour while she and the horse circle it. So I usually take something to read or balance the checkbook or whatever while she's riding and grooming. We let our kids decide what they wanted to do, but we made it clear that we weren't going to (a) spend a fortune or (b) kill ourselves going to a million different practices or games every week. So, Kate, I'm right there with you. It ain't all that. :)I think the attitude about sports varies some based on where you are in the metro... and rural communities do not have as many opportunities so that is different also. if you are decent, you can play HS football. Here, only if you are really good. regardless, my comment about kid sports (having gone the insane route and now no sports for fall) is that someone needs to grant PERSPECTIVE to parents about kid sports. So many have it out of perspective with real life. And real life sucks right now for many people (job loss, etc).... when kids are small, sports provide the community aspect that we all had in our neighborhoods that is now missing... ok, long post. ramblingIf my child really ends up enjoying a certain sport I'll support him in every way, much like a parent would support their child if they really loved the piano or acting. I'd go out of my way if Bo loved something so much... I grew up a sports kid and I loved every minute of every volleyball tournament. Of course I was very competitive. My husband also grew up with baseball tournaments every weekend. He played in college and had the time of his life. I can't tell my kid no because I don't like the sport. Sports teach discipline and teamwork, they teach good manners for when you lose a game... the child realizes you can't always win or get your way. Besides, how many professional piano players are out there? Less than pro football players.Whoa, Tasha, I think you're wrong about the number of professional piano players. Seriously. You've got church organists, symphonies, people who play for weddings, people who play in bars.... Granted, you can't make a very good living at it unless you're Harry Connick Jr. But you can do it for pleasure, much like you can learn to enjoy sports as an avocation. And if you're referring to my point about my daughter, really. Do you think she'll be a professional basketball player? Give me a break. Frankly, you're better off encouraging your kid to have a healthy attitude about sports and whatever else and to focus more on academics so that he/she can go to college and find a career that's long-lasting. You've got a better chance of getting into med school that you do of becoming a professional athlete. And don't even get me started about kids injuring themselves playing sports too intensely. But, you know, I guess you're one of those moms who hates me, and I'm OK with that ;)I don't hate anyone here, Kate. Especially people I don't know. Of course academics come first, afterall you can't play a sport unless your grades are good, this is also true in college sports. I'm just sayin' people's kids enjoy different things. I don't think it's fair to say no to your children just because the parents don't like sports. I started lifting weights in sixth grade to get ready for a national track meet at which I got a national record which is still standing. I'm ok. There's a difference between a maniac crazy competitive parent and a parent who is merely sitting at the practice to support their child.Think of all the Olympians who started at an early age... think about what would have happened if their parents would have denied them getting a lot of training at an early age because they didn't think it was good for them... they would have never became Olympians. Something so few accomplish. You can't hardly become the world's fastest runner in one year starting at age 30.. and you can't hardly become an awesome Olympic gymnast with only minor training... those athletes start early. Anyways, just sayin.I'm with ya, Kate. I'm so regretting signing up for soccer this season. I started piano lessons at age 5, took them all through school, and have been thankful to my parents ever since. I even played at my church for a while. I believe in letting your kids find their passion and helping them develop it, but also teaching them balance.I so agree! We are looking at finding ONE sport for DS to play, right now he is interested in soccer, so that is going to be our sport of choice for now until he changes HIS mind!So do you never stay for their games or practice? What if they got hurt? I am pretty sure if you have several kids every night is packed with some sort of event, but I was under the impression they wanted parents to stay. I have a young child still, and will of course stay for all his games next year to route him on-and make sure he doesn't start a riot :) I have sat through about a million and a half sport events with my nanny girls and at least once a month one of them got hurt playing, so I think personally I would stay and watch.Ugghhh, I hate when I make a typo on a blog comment, it is there forever staring at me! I would most certainly be "rooting" my son on-NOT routing-Jeez!I've been a sports mom for 10+ years, and I've done all I can to support my boys -- within reason. Last night I was talking to a friend, sharing my guilt over missing my eldest son's football game last week because i had a conflict. Know what my wise friend said to me? "He's not playing football for you, right?" Pow. That one realllly stuck with me. No kidding! My son was FINE w/ me not being there. I go as much as I'm able to my kids' games. But he's playing football because he likes the sport. And it's HIS sport. HIS world. Not mine. I'm keeping that little nugget in mind as I go forward...guilt-free! :)no, no, no, no, no --- I ALWAYS go to games. Never said I didn't. I don't go to practices, though. How can I stay for one practice when another kids has to be somewhere else at the same time, and I'm the only parent around? And forget suggesting carpooling -- I'm always the one who has to drive other people's kids. It has rarely worked out in my favor.Aha! Being a "single" mom stinks sometimes :) I truly can't imagine how you could be in 3 places at once-don't feel bad, the kids know you do the best you can do! And look so pretty doing it :)ITA Kate - so many parents have lost perspective. I NEVER stay for practices - that is not possible and I only ever see one or two parents there anyway.My boys are 13 & 10, they play football and baseball. Sometimes things overlap- I try to be there for all their games. Not practice, but if i'm not there my ex is. It's just our unsaid rule. untill this year I never missed games or practices, guess what- they play anyway and have a great time with their team if i'm in the standsI agree! I admire that you even have your kids in sports. Mine haven't asked-- yet. I guess if they really wanted to do some sort of sport, I'd support it. But it's not going to be started by me. Piano, yes. The closest I've come is to consider dance classes if we can get the $ for it and it's not competitive dance. But sports? Ugh. And yes, I know it's great for the kids. I just don't like it.
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