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Deb Clem-Buckert
on Sep 1 2010 - 12:00 PM
Silly Bands, Purple Bracelets, Leukemia and Lots of Inspiration!
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Margo Posnanski
on Aug 31 2010 - 06:00 AM
The Princess Who Once Wore Red Plastic High Heels
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on Aug 30 2010 - 06:00 AM
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Kady McMaster
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In light of the present dismal economy and fragile world we live in, I question the wisdom of Mattel Inc. making such a big whoop-de-doo about Barbie on her birthday.
She hit the big 5-0 on Monday and got a facelift. And a tattoo. And let’s face it, she got a boob job and probably lipo, too.
Puh-leeze. There’s no way she could be 50 and still fit into that same black-and-white swimsuit she wore for her coming-out party in 1959. Check her out here.
Oh, and her Malibu dream house got a makeover. Yep, it’s even more fabulous than evah, complete with pink everywhere and a dining-room chandelier made out of Barbie’s hair (personally, I think that is so gross.) Her pink closet is full of 50 pairs of Christian Louboutin hot-pink stilettos, and there’s a pink custom-made carpet in her boudoir with a big “B” on it. Read about it here.
This is conspicuous consumption at its worst. Who is Barbie, Bernie Madoff’s wife? I mean, come on, Mattel. We’re all suffering here, cutting back, shopping at Aldi’s and re-soling our shoes. Barbie’s display of self-indulgence is just so gauche.
And worst of all, it’s so unreal. This isn’t the real Barbie. This is Stepford Barbie.
Do you want to know where the real Barbie is? I’ll tell you.
She’s at the podiatrist, having custom orthotics made because her arches fell decades ago from all those years wearing stilettos. She wore high heels during her career as a doctor and her time as a flight attendant and even when she was President. The woman never heard of sensible shoes (she’s not a reader, obviously, thus Catcher in the Rye meant nothing to her.)
The real Barbie mostly wears capris now, too, or at least Bermuda shorts because of the spider veins on her legs. Wearing high heels is hard on the legs. I wouldn’t be surprised if she doesn’t have a varicose vein or two.
And where is Malibu Ken? Sure, he never was around much, but now that Barbie is 50, Ken is gone for good.
Rumor has it he and Midge had an affair and have run off together, leaving Barbie single and alone and Allan to raise Midge’s three kids, the youngest of which doesn’t even have a name or a definite gender.
The real Barbie is struggling to keep her Malibu dream home because she took part in the subprime loan debacle. And then the economy went south, and she lost her most recent job as a hairdresser/designer/swim teacher. She couldn't make the payments, and foreclosure looms. And, well, she might have to move back to the town house.
And speaking of jobs, now that Barbie’s 50, she’s starting to dream of retirement. But she’s had so many jobs over the years that she’s never become vested anywhere. She’s been a babysitter, an astronaut, a waitress, a paleontologist, an officer in each of the four military branches, a firefighter, a lifeguard and a Canadian Mountie, not to mention all her medical jobs, ranging from surgeon to dentist to veterinarian.
Barbie can never stop working. She’s just like us. At least, the real Barbie is just like us.
But would we buy the bitter real-life Barbie for our children? Probably not. And did we or our mothers really ever hope that Barbie would serve as a role model? Is she really a symbol of female empowerment, as Mattel would like us to believe?
I think not. She’s just that bimbo girl from your high school class.
So I’ve got an idea for Mattel. I think in Barbie’s 50th year they should give the old girl a break and let her age instead of making her over.
And in her place, they could introduce Barbie’s illegitimate daughter, Babette, her love child with Ken.
Babette -- now her I could picture in the remodeled Dream House. And I’ve got the perfect job for her: trophy wife.
Very funny Kate! She's had so many jobs she's never become vested. LOL! Too bad she and Ken bought the dream house instead of socking money away for a rainy day!This reminds me of one of my all time favorite songs, take a minute to enjoy an old Sons of the Desert ditty. http://www.cmt.com/videos/sons-of-the-desert/309372/everybodys-gotta-grow-up-sometime.jhtmlI looooooooved Barbie when I was a girl. It made me sad when my daughter developed no love of dolls in any form. But times have changed ... as you said.Kate, this blog is genius! I laughed out loud from title to last sentence. I've learned over the years that any time a company makes a big deal out of one of their products turning a certain age (ahem...Disney...) it's just their way of saying, "We're going to call this a collector's item so we can sell sh*t." That said, I loved Barbie and so did my DD (in fact, she stashed several of hers away to give to her kid some day... hope she has a girl...). But I never looked at her as a role model. She just had awesome clothes and cool accessories. Oh! And have you seen the Cougar Barbie video on YouTube? Hilarious!!!Didn't I see Barbie's outfits and her pink convertible for sale on E-Bay? Is she getting royalties for her youtube appearances? Where is her memoir? Wonder if that would be enough to make payments on the house? Wonder how G.I. Joe is doing these days?.... Great concept, Kate! Guess you're not going to buy the $3 Barbie on sale TODAY!?!I have to say that Maggie's never been much into Barbie. She did wish and wish for the Barbie Grand Hotel one Christmas, and Santa brought. Then she never played with it. Joe used it for G.I. Joe to have furloughs. He also used the Barbie Jeep for G.I. Joe.Very enlightening. 1959, poor ol Barbie didn't have a cell phone, a home computer with printer/fax, her land line phone couldn't go outside the house. And all those lifestyle changes. It's amazing she's kept her figure all these 50 years.LOL Kate! I never took Barbie all that seriously. I thought it was coold that she could wear a flight attendant uniform and turn around and wear a peaches n' cream ballgown in the same day. But I never thought of her as anything more than a toy. My dd now loves Barbies, and chances are that I'll be picking up the $3 one for her today while I am in Shawnee. By the way, she left Ken in 2004, but they reunited just last year. Read about it here: http://www.articlesbase.com/computer-games-articles/barbie-and-ken-together-again-697880.html
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