advertisement
-
Emily Parnell
on May 25 2013 - 06:00 AM
Do you want something great to happen? You better start doing something.
- read more
Christi Diggs
on May 23 2013 - 06:00 AM
A drop of spin, a cup of deception and tsp. politics=Apathy
- read more
Lindsay Metcalf
on May 22 2013 - 06:00 AM
When that tornado siren sounds, I'm in the basement
- read more
mara williams
on May 21 2013 - 06:00 AM
Summer break has this mom on a house upkeep war path.
- read more
- kim nakahodo - Profile | Pictures | Blog
-
It’s an old story… especially around mom blogs. What is the ‘right’ decision? Should I stay at home with the baby or should I return to work? Sigh.I was at a meeting recently and the question came up… in a round-a-bout way of course. We have all watched enough training videos in the workplace to know that you are not supposed to ask. It was interesting because I know the question is burning in the minds of several people I work with. I am part of several committees, work groups and projects and I know that my colleges are worried.My answer is YES! I will be back! Please don’t shop my job around while I am gone! I love my job and I feel very fortunate to be in my position. Jobs in my field are rare especially now and it’s even more precious when you get to work for a great community. I happen to be lucky enough to have both right now. Can it be better? Absolutely. Have I been around the block enough times to know when I have a good thing? Yes.I know that sounds terrible. Like I am a horribly selfish person for not giving up my petty job to stay at home with my kids. I won’t get this time back with them. I know that. I honestly think I am a better mom as a working mom. That is not true for everyone, but for me it is. I don’t have it in me to be a stay at home mom. I don’t have the chops as it were. I came to this realization when I was on maternity leave with Niko. After 3 months I was going stir crazy and looking forward to going back to work. Don’t get me wrong… I was REALLY hard leaving Niko with someone else. I know it sounds like I am talking out of both sides, but it’s the duality of every working mom.So why do I bring this up? At the end of my meeting a gal came up to me and mentioned that she didn’t think she could leave her kids with someone else to raise. She told me that when the time came, she would stay home and raise her kids herself. This way she would know that that the job was going to be done right. I totally know where she was going with this… it’s the same argument every mom has with herself. Do I stay or do I go back?Never the less, it kinda hurts to hear it… the subtle judgment on your parenting choice.Where we are in life right now I just really don’t see leaving my job as a good choice for us. DH and I both work in a volatile field and both of us could wake up without a job one morning. Good jobs are hard to come by right now and ones that you really enjoy and make you a better person are even more precious.When I got back to my office, I put my big girl pants back on and remembered that I made this choice. At the end of the day, I am glad to live in a culture/country that the decision was MINE to make.PS... yea... no names picked out yet... I have a few weeks left, right! :)
Someone who has never been in the position can say what they would do, but until they are actually faced with the choice, it doesn't matter. All of my children attended daycare. I missed some milestones, true, but they have been "raised right". All moms are working moms, whether they stay at home or work outside of the home. Some work outside of the home because or circumstance (in my case, I am the only adult, someone has to bring home the money), financial need other than single parenthood or they find joy in their chosen careers. Guilt, self-inflicted or community-inflicted will continue to wedge the great divide among moms until we see an attitude change.I was a stay at home mom by choice. My choice. Don't second guess yourself. If you and your husband have discussed all your pros and cons and come to the decision that is best for you, not your co-worker, than be confident that you are doing the best thing for your kids, your husband, your family, yourself.I chose to work, as one teacher's salary would not be enough to live on. My MIL let me know the family had been discussing it and couldn't understand why I didn't want to stay home with my kids. We had good daycare and my kids were "raised right" as well. Sounds like you know what is right for you!Whatever, dude. I LOVE working. I love having a job! And I'm not having someone else raise my kids. I'm raising them, and part of that understanding how our family works best. They don't want a miserable mom, for sure. And anyway, I think it's good for kids to have a lot of caregivers and to also be exposed to kids their age. Not saying it's bad if they don't, but you get my meaning. Some moms like staying home. Good for them! You don't, so don't. You're such an awesome mom!I think mygr8crew said it very well. The person who said that to you has not been in that position. And, I think that your feelings can change between having just one child and then two. With my first, I was so excited to get back to work, but with my second child, I could definitely have stayed at home. I have always been the breadwinner, though, so I needed to return to my job. I don't feel my children have missed out on much, although I do wish I was able to pick them up after school and have that time with them.> I think you should follow your gut & do what you think is right. How does one know that the job of raising a kid "is done right"? I've seen children that were raised by stay at home parents, working parents & parents with a staff of full time help. There is no right answer & no right way. Follow what you think is best & ignore the ones who are judgmental.Theoretical parenting- that's what that was. And in the workplace, maybe there was some work related political reason that she said it, who knows? I'm sure it did sting, but so will the comments that people throw at you about any parenting choice: "What? You aren't feeding on demand?" "What? You rock them to sleep?" You do what is best for you and your family and walk proud in your choice. (Yay! New baby soon!)I am sorry that happened to you. I think you were very kind to call it subtle judgement, because it sounds loud and clear to me. I totally agree that some people excel at caring for children and others don't. We all have different strengths. I actually very much admire those who clearly see their limitations and are able to chose what is best for their children accordingly. Only you know how to best care for your own child.
May 2013 Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 Tagstoddler (21)
thoughts (20)
first time mom (13)
advice (10)
mom (7)
worries (7)
rant (6)
career (5)
retail (5)
boy (4)
daycare (4)
discipline (4)
fatty (4)
food (4)
moving (4)
pregnancy (4)
story (4)
stress (4)
baby (3)
birth (3)
birthday (3)
cat (3)
christmas (3)
concern (3)
disney (3)
emergency (3)
family (3)
kids (3)
mothers day (3)
pregnant (3)
sick (3)
son (3)
toddlers (3)
widow (3)
working (3)
almitra (2)
anger (2)
asthma (2)
autism (2)
bathroom (2)
big (2)
biracial (2)
car (2)
car trip (2)
choice (2)
crawling (2)
daddy (2)
first (2)
friends (2)
fun (2)
grandparents (2)
holiday shopping (2)
horror stories (2)
job (2)
laughing (2)
lovely (2)
milk (2)
mmr (2)
new job (2)
night out (2)
poop (2)
road trip (2)
room (2)
school (2)
schools (2)
spending (2)
teething (2)
toys (2)
travel (2)
vote (2)
wedding (2)
whine (2)
work (2)
18 (1)
alter (1)
amber (1)
american (1)
angry (1)
anyone (1)
aunts (1)
babies (1)
back (1)
bath (1)
becoming your mom (1)
bed (1)
behavior (1)
beyonce (1)
big love (1)
bilingual (1)
bills (1)
birthdays (1)
black friday (1)
blog (1)
blood (1)
boys (1)
bragging (1)
breaking (1)
budget (1)
cable (1)
cable company (1)
cancer (1)
candy (1)
car seat (1)
challenge (1)
child safety (1)
chirstmas (1)
chores (1)
clawson (1)
cleaning (1)
community (1)
cookbooks (1)
cooking (1)
cosleeping (1)
cousins (1)
crap (1)
cravings (1)
croup (1)
crying (1)
culture (1)
cynical (1)
dad (1)
date (1)
debt (1)
dentist (1)
dh (1)
diaper changing (1)
diet (1)
disaster (1)
dishwasher (1)
divorce (1)
doctor (1)
doctors (1)
dog (1)
drama (1)
drinking (1)
drive-in (1)
driving (1)
easter (1)
eating (1)
ebt (1)
economy (1)
elections (1)
elf (1)
entertaining (1)
er (1)
exercise (1)
expensive (1)
facebook (1)
fairy tales (1)
faith (1)
fat (1)
fears (1)
federal (1)
first birthday (1)
first day (1)
flight (1)
flu (1)
formula (1)
from (1)
frustrated (1)
frustration (1)
funding (1)
fundraiser (1)
fundraisers (1)
furlough (1)
future (1)
games (1)
garage sales (1)
gear (1)
gift (1)
girls (1)
give (1)
golden girls (1)
government (1)
growing up (1)
guest (1)
guilt (1)
guns (1)
hair (1)
hair cut (1)
halloween (1)
hater (1)
hatred (1)
hbo (1)
healthcare (1)
help (1)
hero (1)
hippy (1)
hoax (1)
home (1)
homeopathic (1)
homework (1)
hormone (1)
horror (1)
house project (1)
husband (1)
idol chit chat (1)
imdb (1)
infant clothes (1)
insurance (1)
internet (1)
interracial (1)
iphone (1)
issues (1)
jealous (1)
job loss (1)
jobs (1)
junk (1)
kc (1)
king (1)
labor (1)
late (1)
laundry (1)
learning spanish (1)
lets (1)
lets move (1)
list (1)
local (1)
locks of love (1)
long distance (1)
m2m meet-up (1)
magazines (1)
marriage (1)
mcdonald (1)
memories (1)
michael jackson (1)
milwaukee (1)
mistakes (1)
moms day (1)
move (1)
movies (1)
multiple kids (1)
multiple moms (1)
names (1)
natural (1)
nerd (1)
new friends (1)
new house (1)
new mom (1)
newborn (1)
night (1)
nighttime (1)
obese (1)
obesity (1)
obsession (1)
octomom (1)
opinion (1)
organic (1)
organic milk (1)
parenting (1)
parents as teachers (1)
park (1)
parties (1)
party (1)
pet (1)
peter pan (1)
phase (1)
phone (1)
pictures (1)
pixar (1)
plan (1)
playgroup (1)
politics (1)
poll (1)
potty (1)
pre-teen (1)
pregancy (1)
prepare (1)
preparedness (1)
presents (1)
pride (1)
priorities (1)
public service (1)
raw milk (1)
real estate (1)
reality check (1)
relationships (1)
restaurant (1)
returing to work (1)
ronald (1)
safety (1)
sahm (1)
sayings (1)
scary (1)
school district (1)
second (1)
second baby (1)
sex (1)
shelf (1)
shooter (1)
shower (1)
sickness (1)
side (1)
silly (1)
sleeping (1)
sleeping through the nigh (1)
sleepless (1)
sleepovers (1)
soap box (1)
soft (1)
soul (1)
spanish (1)
spongebob (1)
strollers (1)
summer (1)
tantrums (1)
taxes (1)
temper tantrums (1)
terminal (1)
terror (1)
texting (1)
thankful (1)
thanks (1)
things (1)
three (1)
time (1)
tips (1)
tooth (1)
tornado (1)
toy story (1)
trisomy (1)
tv (1)
uncles (1)
vacation (1)
vaccinations (1)
vaccines (1)
valentine (1)
vampire (1)
vegetarian (1)
veteran (1)
video (1)
villan (1)
visit (1)
vocabulary (1)
weather (1)
wills (1)
wondering (1)
working moms (1)
yo gabba=gabba (1)
young (1)
zombie (1)