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- kim nakahodo - Profile | Pictures | Blog
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I have had Almitra Buzan contribute to my blog before. I met her around two years ago at a regional function for emergency communicators and we have been friends ever since. I saw this ad campaign from the City of Milwaukee and immediately thought of her since I know she is a co-sleeper.
Here is her blog:
Last week, the City of Milwaukee’s health department unveiled an anti-co-sleeping ad that shocked many people, including myself. The ad depicts a baby asleep in a bed next to a butcher knife, with the tag line: Your baby sleeping with you can be just as dangerous.
After reading about the staggeringly high infant mortality rate in the city of Milwaukee, I’m not as shocked. The city is desperate to do something to lower its rate of 10.4 infant deaths per 1000 live births to closer to the national average of 6.9. I understand desperation. It was desperation that led me on a journey from being fearful of co-sleeping with my son, to embracing safe co-sleeping as an integral part of raising a healthy, happy child.
My Journey to Co-Sleeping
When my son was born, I wholly accepted that co-sleeping was too dangerous to ever attempt under any circumstances. Therefore, when I found that our son wouldn’t sleep alone, I became desperate to do something to both help him sleep, and get some sleep myself.
I still feel the emotions from the night I stumbled upon safe co-sleeping like it was yesterday. My son was 8-weeks-old. I had two weeks before returning to work, and we were getting nowhere with sleeping. I’d spend 30 minutes getting him to sleep, lay him down in his bassinet, he’d sleep an hour max, then he’d wake screaming. It would take 10 minutes to settle him down, and we’d start all over again. Nothing worked, yet we were afraid to put him in bed with us due to the dire warnings.
So, there I was with my baby in my arms sleeping while I was crying, consumed with worry, doubt, fear...panic! Desperate, I got online to look for expert advice we hadn't tried. That's when I came across the Dr. Sears website with information on safe co-sleeping. I was dumbfounded! I had never heard a mention of being able to sleep with my baby safely. Why didn’t anyone tell me that was possible? Still not completely convinced, I checked the cited research, and found more evidence. There’s actually a Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Laboratory at Notre Dame, headed by Dr. James McKenna, that has extensive information on co-sleeping.
I immediately woke my husband, told him about it, and asked that we try. He agreed, we made the bed safe, and the three of us had our first restful night as a family. We've been co-sleeping ever since. Now a toddler, our son is joyful, highly capable and thriving. That’s proof enough for us that co-sleeping can be a great safe alternative to the crib. I’m now a co-sleeping convert!
Misguided Milwaukee
My co-sleeping success, that of other mothers, and the rich body of research that confirms our experiences is why I find Milwaukee’s choice to vilify the family bed misguided. The truth is that no sleeping space is safe for baby until the caregiver makes it safe. However, the Milwaukee ad gives parents the false sense that the crib is inherently safe. In fact, most of the issues that make the bed unsafe-- having a gap between the bed and the wall, too soft a mattress, using comforters, pillows, or a loose fitting sheet-- also cause babies to die in cribs. Yet, health officials haven’t vilified the crib, they have educated parents on how to use the crib safely. Why not do the same for the family bed?
Also, research shows that the concern about moms rolling over on their babies is only necessary when the mother’s natural ability to wake is impaired. If she is drinking alcohol, smoking, getting high, or on prescription drugs that keep her from waking, she shouldn’t lay down with her baby. (Common sense!) If she’s in a normal state of sleep, research shows that a mother will wake before rolling over on her baby. I can personally attest to that. I wake instantly when my son stirred. And, because I breastfeed, my body is in a position where I’d have to dislocate my shoulder to roll over on him.
While officials believe they are protecting babies from sudden infant death syndrome, there is research that shows otherwise. One of the causes of SIDS is thought to be that the baby, with her underdeveloped mind, and nervous system, simply forgets to breathe. Mother-baby sleep studies have found that babies who sleep next to their mothers have much more regular breathing patterns than babies left to sleep alone. In addition, when they feel their mother’s breath on their faces, (baby usually sleeps near the mother's face) they instinctively take a breath.
Informed Safe Co-Sleeping
Milwaukee city officials pointed out that the city has a higher infant mortality rate than many third-world countries. An appalling fact. However, countries with consistent low infant mortality rates practice co-sleeping as the norm, not crib use. I wonder if city officials check that fact before deciding on an ad campaign?
I also wonder how much better the campaign would be if, instead of trying to shock mothers, the city taught them how to safely co-sleep. What if they offered families free kits to install safety rails on their beds? Reminded moms to be as aggressive in keeping the family bed baby-safe as they would a crib. What if they produced ads to influence moms to get off cigarettes, drugs and alcohol?
One of the tragic stories of infant deaths in Milwaukee was a mother who laid down with her baby for a nap, and woke to find the child wedged between the mattress and wall. According to a news report the mother said her baby wouldn’t sleep in the crib. I saw myself in this woman. Like me, she was desperate to help her baby sleep, but unlike me, she didn’t have the luxury to hop online, and search for safe sleeping alternatives. It’s a shame the Milwaukee health department is choosing to brow beat, and vilify mothers like this one as women willing to place their babies in bed with a butcher knife. Instead of reaching out with compassion, and helping mothers make informed, safe, decisions when the crib isn’t working.
What Were We Thinking?
In our modern society, it seems it takes science a while to confirm the benefits of what mothers do naturally. When my mother had her first child over 40 years ago, she was told not to breast feed. The pediatrician told her that canned condensed cow’s milk was better for the baby. Now, we look back, and wonder what were we thinking? Research has confirmed that breast milk is the best food for babies. In addition, science is finding more amazing benefits to breastfeeding including lower infant mortality rates, better long-term health, and higher IQs.
I believe, one day we’ll look back on this vilification of co-sleeping, and also wonder what were we thinking? We’ll understand that babies benefit from being close to their mothers just as much at night as they do during the day. And, that co-sleeping -- when done safely -- offers amazing benefits.-Almitra
Co-sleeping is fantastic! Just don't be stupid about it. If you're a smoker, don't sleep with your kid. If you've been drinking, don't sleep with your kid. Consider the softness of your mattress and the number of your blankets before you do it. You might not want to if you're obese. Like I said, just don't be stupid about it. I hate how "professionals" demonize nurturing.I co-slept with all four of my kids. I believe there are ways to be smart about it, and if someone chooses not to, so be it.The closest I ever came to it was nursing my daughter during the night. But I was never able to fall asleep with my babies in the bed with me. I was too afraid of rolling over on top of them--which probably would have awakened me, but I'll never know. If there are completely safe ways to do it, that's fine, but it just wasn't for me. Apparently, frizzed isn't a fan either.Co-sleeping was never an option for us. We needed our children in the crib first thing when they came home, because we have cats and dogs, and I was worried about one of them disturbing even a bassinet in our room. Plus, our house is so small that the nursery is only a few feet from our bedroom door. We did bring our oldest to bed with us when he was around 9 months old and had a cold where he could not get any rest. I think he finally had more sleep than I did that night, just because I was too freaked out.Question: Does anyone happen to have statistics on the number of co-sleeping children who have trouble with the transition to their own beds?My son is 19, and I can say I co-slept on a water-bed with him until he was old enough to want his own bed, around 7 years old. I worked full time and breast feed for a year. This was the best thing co-sleeping, in fact new mother should note that the sleep you get the first year, is not the same as the years before having your baby. For all the reason you noted in Almitra comments! Nobody should ever feel bad about sleeping with your child. I was very upset about commecial, in the U.S. nobody should tell you what you can and can't do in the privacy of your home.I think the key is "correct" co-sleeping. A lot of parents don't realize there is a little more into co-sleeping than just laying a baby on your chest or next to you and sleeping. I don't co-sleep. To me, a child having their own bed starts helping with being an independent sleeper. However, I know quite a few parents who swear by it. There are a lot of co-sleeping beds that are just small dividers meant to help keep the baby where it needs to be, as well as give the parent a boundary so they don't roll over on top of the baby. Co-sleeping is just like anything else deemed controversial. IF you have half a brain and can do it safely, there are benefits.We co-slept with our 2 daughters. There are dangers with crib sleeping as well as co-sleeping. Education on both options is the best way to reduce accidental suffocation of babies, not vilification of one method or the other. Our society is excellent at playing on the fears of parents instead of giving them tools and options to decide what's best for their family situation.
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