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It seems that for the last few weeks, we have gotten a preview of the “Trying Threes.” I must say… the last two weeks have been particularly challenging.
No.
No.
No.
I have heard this word about a thousand times recently. It seems that no matter what I propose doing, all he tells me is no. Going to the store? No. Eating dinner? No. Putting on “big boy undies?” No.
I know he is testing his boundaries, but it’s really testing my patience. He has also gotten this idea that when he is mad it’s OK to throw his toys on the ground or hit himself.
Yes. I said hit himself. I had a chat with his teacher about it since she doesn’t know what to do about it as school. I joked that I was kinda glad he does it there as well so they don’t think if he has bruises that I did it to him! She laughed and said no since they have a self-biter there as well.
To top it off, Niko peed on himself on purpose yesterday afternoon. He is pretty much potty trained at home and knows better. I had just gotten on him about kicking his toys so he decided to pee on himself while he was in time-out. He made it a point to show me what he had done and smiled proudly about it. I asked him if he did that on purpose and he nodded yes. I asked if he did that because he was mad at me and he said yes. So, he got a spanking over it and I made him help me clean it up.
I have been reading a lot of books lately because I really am at a loss for what to do. I am half way through Dr. James Dobson’s Dare to Discipline and I will read his book, The Strong Willed Child next.
The Dare to Discipline book so far has helped me sort through what to discipline and what not to worry so much about. I will be honest… I have a hard time trying to figure out what to disciple and what to ignore or try to refocus attention on. Does that make sense? What is worthy of a swat, time-out or just ignore.
The book focuses on disciplining defiance, not mistakes. It really did help clarify this for me. Was that action in defiance of my authority or just did he do that because he didn’t know better? He stresses that when you discipline, it must be immediate and you explain why you are doing it then tell them that you love them, but not their actions.
I know I can’t be the only parent at a loss for how to handle the defiant 2-3 year-old. Help! How did/do you handle this age??
I really love Dr. Sears. I can't name a book off the top of my head, but I am sure you could find several in the library. I also used "Children The Challenge". This was a great resource too. I have a very strong-willed child (teenager now) and used these books, along with a therapist, to work through several issues.Hoo boy am I glad to be past this stage. My daughter is VERY strong willed. She is also incredibly intelligent which we use to our advantage whenever possible. What helped us all get to (nearly) 5 years old: Give a choice. Don't say "We're going to the grocery store" say "We're going to the grocery store. Do you want carrots or broccoli with dinner?" Then, at the store let him pick. "Do you want to wear the blue or the red undies today?" "Do you want your bath now or in 30 minutes?" Giving her a choice gave my daughter some power while still getting what I (we) wanted. My daughter, too, would hit herself. She learned it from a friend (thank you so much!). We learned to be calm and not react to it except to ask her to stop hurting herself and eventually she stopped.
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