advertisement
-
mara williams
on Jun 18 2013 - 06:00 AM
Hey, manchild, mama says: clean your room, wash the dishes, don't drink and drive.
- read more
Emily Parnell
on Jun 16 2013 - 06:00 AM
Eating fresh, local produce is good for body and soul
- read more
Jim Cosgrove
on Jun 13 2013 - 06:00 AM
I just want to buy some pants. Please, turn down the music.
- read more
- kim nakahodo - Profile | Pictures | Blog
-
I’m probably going to be killed over this blog, but I feel the need to write it. A close friend of mine has been miserably dating for the last five years because she wants to be a mom.
She is going to make a wonderful mom, she is caring, loving and competent. It’s frustrating because she is a successful career woman who has dated some real duds. (Like most people I know.) Match.com, Eharmony, bars, corporate and volunteer events – you name it she’s tried it.
After years of looking for a man to help her start her family, she has reached a point that she is done putting her family on pause just because she hasn’t found Mr. Right.
I think she should have moved on years ago.
She looked into adopting and was told that it was going to be very difficult for her to qualify because she is a single female. They said that if she wanted to adopt within the US, she would probably qualify for a special needs child, but it would take 2-4 years to do. She could adopt from overseas, but it is very expensive and would take close to 2 years to arrange.
This is the part I just can’t understand. I know several people who grew up in the state system. I can’t understand how growing up in foster care/state facilities is better than being raised by a single mom. (Or by a loving gay family if you really want to get into the weeds.)
So on to plan B.
In spring she is going to look into becoming a single mom the natural way (well, with the help of a sperm bank.) There are only a few facilities in the Midwest that will even consider this option for single moms.
I can’t understand life sometimes…. I see people who should NOT be parents all the time in the news and I know so many wonderful would-be parents. I guess this is where the life isn’t fair part kicks in, but what a crappy answer to a complex question.
Not killed by me! I think more power to her. If she has the support system she needs (ex. her parents, friends, etc.) and she has the financial means necessary to raise a child then go for it! Good luck to her.While I agree that a home with two loving parents is an ideal solution, I also agree that there are many benefits to choosing to go it alone with assistance from the doctor. Have you seen the profiles of donors? Why settle for Mr. Wrong and tie yourself to him for forever.... a loving one parent home is a much better option. (and I'd say this for single dads too). Yes, there is a limit on offices here that will help a single woman -- but the doctors and nurses at those clinics are awesome!!!!! I say go for it.I dunno. I may be sort of on the fence about this. Maybe it's because I wasn't desperate for a child, but it seems to me that she could direct all that love and energy elsewhere--say, into mentoring at-risk kids or something. Rearing a child is hard at best, and I firmly believe it's not in the best interests of the child to do it alone. I'm all about the two-parent family. (Kim, I have a feeling I'll be right there with you getting killed!)Hmm, this reminds me of that movie with Jennifer Lopez. Here's my worry: Even though she'll be an awesome mom, it's not easy doing it alone. Think of the nights she's up late at night caring for her sick child, alone. Think of the days when she needs a partner to help her with stuff... maybe it's help with cleaning or watching the baby while she showers, or what about when she's sick and there's no one else in the house to help her care for her child? what about when she needs to work late and there's no one else to pick up the baby... I dunno, it seems scary to go at it alone. I think I agree with moosebane on this one. Maybe she can find an outlet such as mentoring or even volunteering or working at a daycare center to fill her need to care for a child. It's not all rainbows and butterflies. I'm all for gay parents, mixed parents, every kind of parent. But choosing to do it alone from the start... that's some Angelina Jolie stuff right there.Sorry, one more thought... I think her void would be filled, the void of wanting to be a mom... but what about the void of being loved by a man? That will still be there... and that might not make her happy in the end.Good point, Tasha. Never thought of that. And then how is she going to answer the inevitable where's/who's-my-daddy questions as the child gets older?I will take my hat off to her for not "settling" for any of the guys she's dated just to put a stop to that biological clock ticking.Being a mom is a solo deal. Partner or none. Each mom is unique. Some thngs easier with more hands, but no two minds are identical. Suggest Ada for girl, Aidan for boy. :)"... where/who's daddy?" Society question. A sweet 8 yr old answered, "No one. My mom wanted me. She's right here."The "where's daddy" comment is hardly a dealbreaker. 1 in 10 kids live with a grandparent, so as our teachers and schools know the concept that kids only socially know one definition of a family is outdated.also, if she decides to do it, on the web google Single Mothers By Choice... I know lots of women who are essentially single parents.I don't even understand why this would be an issue at all. Um...yeah, single motherhood is hardly an anomaly. And I know some single moms (one on this board) who do FANTASTIC jobs. I say more power to her, and who would I be to judge whether or not she could handle it? Would it be better for her to marry some schmutz from one of those dating sites, have a baby, get divorced, and be single that way? Nope.Good for her! While traditionally most women become pregnant with a man's involvement (as opposed to single female adoption or sperm bank) the number of couples raising children starts dwindling from there. How many men leave their pregnant wife/girlfriend? How many couples can't handle the stress of a newborn and break up? Most single moms didn't expect to find themselves in that situation. At least your friend knows what she's getting into. A loving, secure, happy environment is a wonderful place to raise a child. I got married and had kids as an "older" mom. I was beginning to think it would never happen for me so my heart goes out to your friend. As you've described her, she'll make a great mom. Give her a hug for me.
June 2013 Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 Tagstoddler (21)
thoughts (20)
first time mom (13)
advice (10)
mom (7)
worries (7)
rant (6)
career (5)
retail (5)
boy (4)
daycare (4)
discipline (4)
fatty (4)
food (4)
moving (4)
pregnancy (4)
story (4)
stress (4)
baby (3)
birth (3)
birthday (3)
cat (3)
christmas (3)
concern (3)
disney (3)
emergency (3)
family (3)
kids (3)
mothers day (3)
pregnant (3)
sick (3)
son (3)
toddlers (3)
widow (3)
working (3)
almitra (2)
anger (2)
asthma (2)
autism (2)
bathroom (2)
big (2)
biracial (2)
car (2)
car trip (2)
choice (2)
crawling (2)
daddy (2)
first (2)
friends (2)
fun (2)
grandparents (2)
holiday shopping (2)
horror stories (2)
job (2)
laughing (2)
lovely (2)
milk (2)
mmr (2)
new job (2)
night out (2)
poop (2)
road trip (2)
room (2)
school (2)
schools (2)
spending (2)
teething (2)
toys (2)
travel (2)
vote (2)
wedding (2)
whine (2)
work (2)
18 (1)
alter (1)
amber (1)
american (1)
angry (1)
anyone (1)
aunts (1)
babies (1)
back (1)
bath (1)
becoming your mom (1)
bed (1)
behavior (1)
beyonce (1)
big love (1)
bilingual (1)
bills (1)
birthdays (1)
black friday (1)
blog (1)
blood (1)
boys (1)
bragging (1)
breaking (1)
budget (1)
cable (1)
cable company (1)
cancer (1)
candy (1)
car seat (1)
challenge (1)
child safety (1)
chirstmas (1)
chores (1)
clawson (1)
cleaning (1)
community (1)
cookbooks (1)
cooking (1)
cosleeping (1)
cousins (1)
crap (1)
cravings (1)
croup (1)
crying (1)
culture (1)
cynical (1)
dad (1)
date (1)
debt (1)
dentist (1)
dh (1)
diaper changing (1)
diet (1)
disaster (1)
dishwasher (1)
divorce (1)
doctor (1)
doctors (1)
dog (1)
drama (1)
drinking (1)
drive-in (1)
driving (1)
easter (1)
eating (1)
ebt (1)
economy (1)
elections (1)
elf (1)
entertaining (1)
er (1)
exercise (1)
expensive (1)
facebook (1)
fairy tales (1)
faith (1)
fat (1)
fears (1)
federal (1)
first birthday (1)
first day (1)
flight (1)
flu (1)
formula (1)
from (1)
frustrated (1)
frustration (1)
funding (1)
fundraiser (1)
fundraisers (1)
furlough (1)
future (1)
games (1)
garage sales (1)
gear (1)
gift (1)
girls (1)
give (1)
golden girls (1)
government (1)
growing up (1)
guest (1)
guilt (1)
guns (1)
hair (1)
hair cut (1)
halloween (1)
hater (1)
hatred (1)
hbo (1)
healthcare (1)
help (1)
hero (1)
hippy (1)
hoax (1)
home (1)
homeopathic (1)
homework (1)
hormone (1)
horror (1)
house project (1)
husband (1)
idol chit chat (1)
imdb (1)
infant clothes (1)
insurance (1)
internet (1)
interracial (1)
iphone (1)
issues (1)
jealous (1)
job loss (1)
jobs (1)
junk (1)
kc (1)
king (1)
labor (1)
late (1)
laundry (1)
learning spanish (1)
lets (1)
lets move (1)
list (1)
local (1)
locks of love (1)
long distance (1)
m2m meet-up (1)
magazines (1)
marriage (1)
mcdonald (1)
memories (1)
michael jackson (1)
milwaukee (1)
mistakes (1)
moms day (1)
move (1)
movies (1)
multiple kids (1)
multiple moms (1)
names (1)
natural (1)
nerd (1)
new friends (1)
new house (1)
new mom (1)
newborn (1)
night (1)
nighttime (1)
obese (1)
obesity (1)
obsession (1)
octomom (1)
opinion (1)
organic (1)
organic milk (1)
parenting (1)
parents as teachers (1)
park (1)
parties (1)
party (1)
pet (1)
peter pan (1)
phase (1)
phone (1)
pictures (1)
pixar (1)
plan (1)
playgroup (1)
politics (1)
poll (1)
potty (1)
pre-teen (1)
pregancy (1)
prepare (1)
preparedness (1)
presents (1)
pride (1)
priorities (1)
public service (1)
raw milk (1)
real estate (1)
reality check (1)
relationships (1)
restaurant (1)
returing to work (1)
ronald (1)
safety (1)
sahm (1)
sayings (1)
scary (1)
school district (1)
second (1)
second baby (1)
sex (1)
shelf (1)
shooter (1)
shower (1)
sickness (1)
side (1)
silly (1)
sleeping (1)
sleeping through the nigh (1)
sleepless (1)
sleepovers (1)
soap box (1)
soft (1)
soul (1)
spanish (1)
spongebob (1)
strollers (1)
summer (1)
tantrums (1)
taxes (1)
temper tantrums (1)
terminal (1)
terror (1)
texting (1)
thankful (1)
thanks (1)
things (1)
three (1)
time (1)
tips (1)
tooth (1)
tornado (1)
toy story (1)
trisomy (1)
tv (1)
uncles (1)
vacation (1)
vaccinations (1)
vaccines (1)
valentine (1)
vampire (1)
vegetarian (1)
veteran (1)
video (1)
villan (1)
visit (1)
vocabulary (1)
weather (1)
wills (1)
wondering (1)
working moms (1)
yo gabba=gabba (1)
young (1)
zombie (1)