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My life is TERRIBLE!!!!
We have entered the temper tantrum stage, complete with full meltdowns and throwing ourselves onto the floor.
I knew Niko would eventually get to this stage, but I didn’t think it would be so fast or so fierce. I would say the last few weeks have been …. trying to say the least. We have moved from one crisis to another it seems – anything can cause a meltdown.
He definitely hates the word no. I know I am supposed to limit my use of the word, but it seems that I have to say it 600 times a day as he tests the limits. He’s figured out how to undo most of the baby gates and locks in the house so until we figure out a new way of baby-proofing we have to tell him “no” when we find him somewhere he shouldn’t be.
Niko loves two things, playing in our basement and going outside. When he isn’t able to do these things on his timetable, it triggers a nuclear meltdown.
I was talking to my mom about this and she said that she used to, “give us something to cry about” when we did this. I TOTALLY remember this. I tested the boundaries more than other kids… I was that kid and now it’s come back to haunt me. I got a LOT of spankings when I was a girl – way more than my brother and sister did. I would say that I needed more though… I was pretty mischievous.
When I talked to some of my coworkers about the tantrums, they said to ignore it. They said that if I paid any attention to it, they would get worse but if I ignored them – they would go away.
So…. I’m totally confused. I know it’s ultimately our decision what’s best for our son, but being a new mom I want to weigh the options.
What did you do? How did/do you handle temper tantrums?
Hmm, we're still going through that stage every once in a while. I've learned to keep my foot down and stand by my "no." Usually, when he's at school and has one he's instructed to go to the "quiet area" and soothe himself. At home I sit him on the couch and he cries it out while I do some dishes and whatnot. Eventually he stops and asks me "mommy, can I get up now?" and he goes back to playing. I think the "soothing yourself" method works pretty well for us...I read somewhere that while the cause may be miniscule, the emotions are as big as they are loud. It suggested holding them, but not responding them, to help them through it. I did that sometimes, but sometimes I just ignored them. Now that the kids are older and have more language skills, I like to get them to calm down, sometimes I sit with them, and then we discuss whatever was wrong. We rarely have tantrums about the same thing more than once. Eventually they'll learn to express themselves in a more civilized way.Depends on the kid--some you can ignore and they get the message just fine. Some are as stubborn as the day is long and some sort of intervention is necessary. If I do choose to let them scream it out, I like to remove them from the room. They can scream all they want, but they won't have an audience.Instead of saying "no" all the time, what I did was say (in a stern voice - not above a normal talking voice) "THAT is NOT ok. We don't do xyz" Then redirect or move them someplace else. It explains WHAT they're doing wrong instead of a blanket "no" for everything. This too shall pass - but it's a battle I'm happy to be looking back on!Choose what you want to do and tell child out loud what you are going to do and they can join you or cry/scream. Sometimes you can choose to cry/scream with them. Life is sometimes uncomfortable.Here's a few things I tried to do during this stage. 1. Don't say no to everything. If he wants to wear something awful that doesn't match but makes him happy, go for it. 2. During tantrums I would often say "Im sorry you feel that way. When you're done, I'll be over here." Hope that helps.I think it depends on the situation. Labeling the infraction as unacceptable and then try redirection. If redirection fail, remove them from any a less public spot and let them throw their tantrum, but make sure the child knows that the rules still exist when his outburst is complete. Main thing is be consistent. If your son goes to daycare see what they do and try to keep it similar, if not the same.Redirecting always worked for us. I was so lucky though, my kids never did go through the tantrums stage. I think mostly it's because my first was an only for just over 6 yrs and he was (still is) the dream child. The next two were so close they entertained each other. I just did not make a big deal over things they "wanted" unless it was dangerous or harmful. That worked for us. And hate to say it but it might be because he's a one and only, gets your full attention. Sometimes that's harder than having a houseful :)
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