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I’m sitting in the rehearsal room at my daughter’s choir practice as I type this blog. What I see is so astonishing that I’ve started taking notes. A group of little girls are crooning their way through the Jackson Five’s “I’ll Be There.” But I’m also listening to some of these girls shout rude remarks, scream, and be generally disrespectful. It's beyond merely cutting up and having some fun. It's just flat out obnoxious.
OK, wow! One girl actually just said to the director in the brattiest possible voice, “I’m talking sassy to you!” As if everyone in the room didn’t know that already.
The choir director is doing an admirable job considering she is the only adult responsible for corralling the energy of nearly 20 kids. And there are no other parents here. It’s all I can do to keep quiet and not step over and reprimand kids who are flipping out behind the director’s back. So, what do I do?
It’s not my choir – not my responsibility. Or is it? If it were my kid, I’d be in there in a heartbeat to pull her aside for a quick refresher in respect. As the only other adult by-stander, is it cool for me to step in and remind kids to be respectful of the director and the other kids who are there to sing and have some fun?
I work with children all the time, and I’m no longer surprised by how completely rude some kids act towards adults. And as a parent I know that kids are never angels all the time, nor do I know what any particular kid is going through physically or emotionally at any given time – so I tend to be pretty patient. But, when it’s my own gig, I’m also very firm. I once dismissed a boy from the stage who hit the kid next to him on the head with a tambourine. But, since I’m not in charge here, I’m losing patience.
So, is this about my need to be in control of a situation, or my impatience with poor manners? Or a bit of both? Fortunately, I’ve just distracted myself by writing this, and there are only five minutes left in choir practice. Almost time to leave.
Ultimately, I chose not to interfere. Mainly because I thought it would be presumptuous and out of line for a stranger to discipline another parent’s child. If I knew the kids, it would be a different story. I will talk with the choir director about it and ask if she’s OK with me intervening if it happens again.
What do you do in these situations? Do you ever reprimand other kids in public or in a situation where you are not the adult in charge?
In your situation I would probably, like you, talk to the director first, but I have called out kids. I would expect nothing different, if mine acted out, I would want someone to say something to them, and then tell me so that I could reinforce it at home.Nah...I call em out. If a kid is being a brat and no one is doing anything or their parent isn't doing anything, I say something to the kid. I have a zero tolerance for brats.One of my kid's teachers believes strongly in "It takes a village". They don't have enough eyes to see everything. I think a word to kids from someone other than parents sometimes has more of an affect on them than their parents calling them out. I never mind someone else saying something to my kids - and I hope someone would if they're acting out!I absolutely agree with intervention. I've called out kids at the mall and in other public places, when their parents weren't around. But in this situation, I did not want to usurp the authority of the director without talking with her first. They need to recognize her authority and respect it without some dad stepping in uninvited.I absolutely agree with intervention. I've called out kids at the mall and in other public places, when their parents weren't around. But in this situation, I did not want to usurp the authority of the director without talking with her first. They need to recognize her authority and respect it without some dad stepping in uninvited.It is hard to remain quiet, especially when working with another teacher. I feel a responsibility to tell kids their behavior is unacceptable and why, trying to do it a quiet way. My husband tells I'm retired now and it is no longer my job. Just can't shake that ingrained habit. Do talk to the director, I'll bet she'd be glad for help. I have also noticed that some younger teachers don't have issues with students being disrespectful and sassy.I am sure I would have been tempted to just pop something out to the kids. Maybe loud enough for the teacher to hear, since she doesn't know what is going on behind her back. But that is just my big mouth. I would say something to her. But be careful. You don't want her to count on you being the other set of eyes in the room either. Sounds to me like maybe she has more than she can handle and should probably have an assistant.I usually do, but I try to make it more of a reminder of why we have the rule. "Remember everyone, we don't throw sand so it doesn't get in someone's eye," or maybe "Wow, you guys have a great choir director - let's show him some respect!" That's a tough call, though.I think you did the right thing by waiting until you spoke with the choir director. It does sound like she lost control of the group and could use some help, though. Do I reprimand other's kids in public? Only if there aren't any other adults in charge there (like parents).Waiting to speak with the teacher in private was a good move. Here's another idea. Whip out the camera phone, take video, and then let the kids know you will be showing it to their parents. I'm sure there are a lot of parents who would like to know that their children are not acting respectfully to the choir director (or any other authority figure.)I know I would not have been able to hold my tongue. I think I would have taken a second right then and said to the choir director, I wonder if their parents know they are behaving this way, loud enough for the children to hear. Yeah, talk to the director. Next time you may not be able to distract yourself.
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