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Christi Diggs
on May 23 2013 - 06:00 AM
A drop of spin, a cup of deception and tsp. politics=Apathy
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Lindsay Metcalf
on May 22 2013 - 06:00 AM
When that tornado siren sounds, I'm in the basement
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mara williams
on May 21 2013 - 06:00 AM
Summer break has this mom on a house upkeep war path.
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- mr. stinky feet - Profile | Pictures | Blog
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Anybody else feeling a bit stressed and overwhelmed and like things could spin out of control at any moment? That’s where my brain has been the past few weeks. When your world is held together with duct tape, paper clips, and super glue, there’s an ominous sense that we’re one tick away from collapse. And I use “duct tape” a little bit figuratively, but mostly literally.
How long will the duct tape on the van’s bumper hold? Will my backdrop that’s held up with paper clips come crashing down during a performance? How much more super glue can I use on the chipped coffee mugs, plates, and bowls before they’re considered toxic?
I know that being overwhelmed occasionally is part of a parent’s job description. But some days are more anxious than others. When I look too closely or think too hard, this is what I see:
Maybe, if we’re lucky, we can squeeze a couple more winters out of our 15-year-old roof. The van needs new tires before the snow flies (have you priced tires lately??!!) I really should have an eye exam and have that suspicious flakey patch on the bridge of my nose removed by the dermatologist, but we’ve got pathetic health insurance. The crumbling front sidewalk is a broken ankle waiting to happen for the postman. And my unexplainable habit of not tightening the lids on jars will ultimately drive my wife crazy.
These are the things that keep me awake at night.
But just about the point where I feel like I’m careening toward the edge, I hear the rational voice of my good friend Kate who reminds me that these are all just examples of “middle class drama.” Kate spent years conducting anthropological studies among the poorest of the poor in the Amazon and in Africa. Her theory goes something like this:
If we were truly poor, we wouldn’t have a home to maintain or a van to patch up with duct tape. If we were poor, we wouldn’t have lame health insurance to complain about. If we were poor, we’d have a whole different set of anxieties like finding food for the day.
And, the theory goes, if we were really rich, we’d just throw some money at these problems and they’d be resolved. And we’d create some other high class dramas to consume our lives.
Kate’s right. All these worries are classically “middle class” and in the big scheme of things, not all that bad. At the end of the day, we’ve still got a roof over our heads (precarious as it may be). My kids still have shoes. We’ve got food in our bellies. We’ll sleep on clean sheets tonight. And, as far as I know, my wife still loves me despite the loose lids on jars.
There’s another bit of wisdom that keeps me going through anxious times. Often I find myself singing the lyrics to one of my favorite songs by The Who.
“I pick up my guitar and play, just like yesterday. And I get on my knees and pray that I won’t get fooled again.”
Let’s not get fooled. All is well.
Loved your post. I've been at both ends of the wealth spectrum & middle class is certainly the most comfortable but absolutely the most worrisome. No one wants to struggle and it is unnerving to think about it. I loved your friends theory and will think of it often.My household's issues include: when to paint the house, refinish the basement, should the kids go to a one or two day MDO program, etc. We call them "princess problems". They cause me unnecessary stress but I realize if those are the most concerning issues in my life then I've got it pretty good.Stinky, this is hands-down your best post ever. I really really loved it. Wise woman, your friend Kate. I will keep her words in mind. She's got a terrific point. (And I could've written that worry list myself. Except for the jars. Tighten those! What're you thinking?! LOL!)Thanks, Jen. My wife wasn't crazy about me airing our list of worries, so I dramatically edited it. We have lots of "princess worries" in our house, too. All is well. Serenity now!So much truth in this post! I'm often embarrassed when I realize what I spend my time worrying about. But I keep worrying anyway.I totally get this. I worry and I am pretty sure that is part of the reason my stomach churns most of the time. I don't know exactly where sit on the class scale, I think maybe lower middle class..but with one income and four kids, sometimes it feels lower. Food on the table, clothes on our backs, a roof over our heads and love..all you need is love..we are okay.A perfectly timed post! This month especially I seem to have more on my mind than usual. Stupid little things -- when am I going to schedule those next dental appointments? Should we recarpet now, or wait another year? What am I going to do about the car I killed? When you put in into this perspective, they seem more like blessings than stress issues. Except the car thing. Stupid car. :)I love your post. But the medical worries -- they are worth worrying about. Get those taken care of, my friend. And please tighten the jars.Love the reference to the Who. It does seem like needing extra money for taking care of extra expenses never stops. We all just have to keep on trying and hope for the best.
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