There is no place like New York, at least not for me.

It is where I grew up. It is where I got married.

And this year it is where I survived my first full Christmas since my husband’s death.

The two of us had always loved Christmas in New York and spent many of them there during the 20 years we were married.

So, it is no surprise for me to discover that New York is my comfort place. I think everyone has that place. No matter where you go in life, there is one place that is and always will be home. It’s that place where the minute you get there you just feel like it is where you belong. You walk differently and just ease into the truest nature of who you are. Your speech actually changes. My kids say that when I’m in New, York, I look differently and definitely sound differently. Instead of water, I’m saying worta. Everyone has a place that, without question, is where their heart is. And I guess, for me, not to take anything from Kansas City because I do love Kansas City, that place is New York. It certainly helped that I spent this holiday with family.

 The pre-holiday days were spent shopping and trimming the tree with my sister and her family – her husband and two children, along with my two boys.

The weather was perfect, in the 50s the entire week. And after the sun set on the Big Apple, the holiday lights in every store window and dripping from the great tree at the ice rink at Rockerfeller Plaza were dazzling.

Yeah, it was all good. And shopping on 5^th Avenue … the bomb!

 Then Christmas day at my brother’s house, way out on Long Island, was stupendous. He has an awesome home there. The house was full of energy once my sister’s two children and my two joined my brother’s two boys. The entire house was full of holiday decorations and two long tables were loaded up with food and confections.

For a moment, just a moment, I became over-whelmed with emotion and stepped outside to walk alone through their beautiful gardens. I talked to myself and to my husband, may he rest in peace.

“The boys are fine. Trey is in his junior year in college and doing very well as the editor of the campus paper. Jordan is a freshman at Truman High School, his grades are tops and he is doing very well with his viola. They are getting along better than ever. In fact they talk a lot and rarely argue. Trey is passing on the advice you gave him, to his brother.  I think I have actually caught them hugging a time or two. They look after me and I look after them. We miss you Ceaser but the foundation you gave them is forever and the family dynamic we developed remains intact. As each of them step up into their role as a man in the house I see so much of you in them.

Trey is super organized, cautious and very driven. Jordan is a fine cook and keeps me engaged in intellectual conversations. Somehow we have managed this year. We are still a family.”

 I think I gained strength from the city, from seeing my family. I gained strength watching my boys with their cousins. I gained strength standing in the gardens looking through the window as everyone mingled around the food.