I’m a killer, an ant killer that is. These darn ants are driving me to my wit’s end.I’ve actually started dreaming about them.

When I first saw one in my house I thought it was just a random ant that had wandered in. So, I got a tissue, lifted the little guy up and shook him off back outside.What do I get for my kindness to critters?

The next time I look up there are three of those big black suckers strolling across my kitchen floor like they were heading to a picnic, or they owned the place. Oh no you won’t! I think I actually said that out loud as if they could hear me. This time, I showed no mercy. I stomped the heck out of those suckers. The next thing I know I’m seeing them every where, the wall the counter, my darn night stand in my bedroom. That’s it. The war was on like popcorn. And I was turning up the heat. I’ll be darn if some little creepy crawler was going to disturb my peace in my own home. Not going to happen.

I ran right out and got the strongest bug spray a civilian can buy.  That didn’t work. It was like they were just laughing at me. I don’t want to cuss here, but I hate the little, rhymes with suckers.I heard Borax works. So I got the strongest solution of that money could buy, Toro. I put the little packs of that stuff around the base boards, near the door jams and every where I had seen ants.With this stuff they are supposed to get into it and take it back to the colony and kill all those mothers.

It seemed like they must have been getting into the stuff because whenever I would see one it looked sick and so I just helped it along with my size seven foot on its head. “Take that. Heee heee heeeeee…..” Then I thought maybe I shouldn’t kill them before they get back to the colony. I started seeing them again here and there. Nothing like what I’d seen before.

Then the other day I accidentally kicked one of those packets with my foot and those suckers came running out of there. I know they heard me screaming two blocks away. I was stomping around like someone doing a war dance.

That night I fell asleep with the television on. I think a news report about the Casey Anthony trial worked its way into my dreams. Only, in the dream the prosecutor was a giant ant and I was on trial for murder. The whole thing freaked me out and woke me up about 5 a.m. Then I went and did the dumbest thing ever. I got on line to see what I could find out about these black ants. You know what they say; know your enemy. I learned that they are called wood ants and they can be quite destructive. Turns out this summer there’s been an invasion of the little buggers across the country. Folks from Ohio to Alabama, New York to Arizona are complaining about them invading their homes. I have to say I felt better knowing I wasn’t alone. And from what some of these people were saying my problem is a mild case.

 But then some fool person wrote a post about hearing that these big black ants have been known to crawl into your ears while you sleep. She said they can get all the way to your brain and bite you. Damn her. Can I say that in a post? Now I can’t stop feeling this tickling sensation in my ears. I know that hasn’t happened to me but just the thought has completely given me the heebee-gheebees.

I am truly at my wits end. I have got to get rid of these ants; all of them. I don’t even want to see one, sick or not. I hate them. They are just plain nasty pests.If they don’t get the heck out of my house soon, I’m afraid I’ll end up brain tangled, sitting in a chair in the corner of my house with a pistol or a shot gun, trying to pick off wood ants. OK that’s an exaggeration. I don’t even own a gun. I hate those too. But seriously I’ve had enough with these darn ants. HELP!!!!