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Lindsay Metcalf
on Jun 19 2013 - 06:00 AM
My top five most important moments of the summer so far
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mara williams
on Jun 18 2013 - 06:00 AM
Hey, manchild, mama says: clean your room, wash the dishes, don't drink and drive.
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Emily Parnell
on Jun 16 2013 - 06:00 AM
Eating fresh, local produce is good for body and soul
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Jim Cosgrove
on Jun 13 2013 - 06:00 AM
I just want to buy some pants. Please, turn down the music.
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"Let's go to a pumpkin patch," I said randomly on Saturday at around ten o'clock. That's how I roll, you know. I have a chronic illness. Illnesses, actually. I haven't blogged to you about Lupus yet.
It's mild Lupus. Don't worry. I've got a good seventy or so years left in me. But I'll get into that later.
So, in my life, when I'm feeling good I take advantage of it. But it wasn't going to work out on Saturday, so we decided to go on Sunday. This plan made me nervous. In fact, all plans make me nervous. Because of my special circumstances, I generally don't like to plan. I end up cancelling a lot, and that annoys folks.
But we made the plan anyway. We investigated all the pumpkin patches in the area and decided on the Louisburg Cider Mill. It was Cider Fest, after all! I mean, I didn't know what that was, but it sounded good and apple-y and there would be pumpkins.
I took precautions before we went. I took my multivitamin. I packed extra Tylenol. I made sure to go slow as we got the kids and ourselves ready so I wouldn't wear out before we even got there. It was an hour trip to Louisburg, so I already planned on sleeping on the way home. I wasn't gonna let some stupid rheumatological issues ruin our family outing.
When we got there, there were plenty of places for me to sit and rest. I didn't run to chase Charlotte through the playground like I wanted to. I did try to show off to Marc by showing him how far I could jump at the "How Far Can You Jump?" setup they had there though. Although I'm not sure he was that impressed. We did walk about a million miles through the corn maze, and the hayride was pretty uncomfortable. But all in all I think I did a good job of taking it easy.
And then, we had to walk over to the mill itself. That was far. Very far. My knees hurt by the time we got there.
And then, the kids had to bounce in the bouncy castles. That was a lot of standing. A lot. My feet hurt.
I was paying for the walk through the corn maze and the ride on the hayride, I could tell. But I wasn't gonna let it get me down. Oh no! Not me! I'm SuperMom! I can do anything. And I wasn't gonna let my kids see me sweat. This was a challenge, but I was doing well.
That is, until we got into the Cider Fest itself.
Something else you don't know about me is that many years ago I struggled with anxiety. I haven't had a panic attack in many years, though. It's usually things like big crowds that wig me out. Cider Fest had a very big crowd, but I'm very good at redirecting my anxiety. Very good. So good that I had a therapist tell me I didn't need him anymore.
But I could feel it. It was that old, worst enemy, creeping up behind me like nasty old stray cat. I realized then how tired I was, also. I was getting exhausted, and my joints were starting to hurt. I had overdone it, and now I was out of energy to fend off the anxiety.
I took a few deep breaths, though, and we moved on. I slowed down and made it into the store to get my cider and donuts and the treats for the kids. Marc and Charlotte never noticed a thing wrong with me. We finished our treats and drove back home, all but the driver napping along the way.
Last night I told my husband I almost had a panic attack at the cider mill.
"You did?" he asked, surprised. I told him yes, but it was a good thing. He never noticed, and the key word was "almost". After years of keeping it under complete control, even in the midst of all the frustration that comes along with having fibromyalgia and Lupus, I was faced with a real test. And I passed!
I really am a SuperMom, I decided. I've proved to myself that I really do have control, and that I'm capable of being a good mom and enjoying life despite the many challenges I've been faced with.
And not only that, my kids got to have an awesome time that wasn't spoiled by some dramatic ending. That's pretty cool!
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