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Lindsay Metcalf
on Jun 19 2013 - 06:00 AM
My top five most important moments of the summer so far
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mara williams
on Jun 18 2013 - 06:00 AM
Hey, manchild, mama says: clean your room, wash the dishes, don't drink and drive.
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Emily Parnell
on Jun 16 2013 - 06:00 AM
Eating fresh, local produce is good for body and soul
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Jim Cosgrove
on Jun 13 2013 - 06:00 AM
I just want to buy some pants. Please, turn down the music.
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It's Saturday night at about eight o'clock and we're in our usual Saturday routine. Mitch had just taken Charlotte upstairs for bed, Marc was sprawled out on the living room floor with Legos, and had my laptop on my lap looking at Faceb-- uh-- doing important research on something important. I can't remember what. Nevermind that.
So anyway, it was a usual Saturday evening when we heard a knock upon our door. The only person it could possibly be is our neighbor, so Marc hops up and answers it. It's not my neighbor, I realize, as I hear a man's voice asking for Mom or Dad.
"Mom!" Marc says. "It's some guy."
Oh. It's gotta be a dude from one of those churches. We get a lot of solicitations from the immensely numorous churches in our neighborhood looking for new members. I'm armed with my "no thank you" as I approach. And that's when the man shoves a flyer in my hand. It's not a flyer for the upcoming fish fry at the new church up the street.
It's for a free carpet cleaning. Tonight only!
My heart skips a beat. We've lived here for two years and have not had the carpets officially and really cleaned. I know that sounds gross, and that's because it is. I'm thinking hard about that one week when Marc spilled milk three times in the playroom. We've used every cleaner I could find with Google and it's still a stiff mess in there. What can I do? I let him in. It's not like I'm going to buy anything. I don't have any money.
"Come on in!" I say with a sinister smile. He's a Kirby Vacuum salesman, and I know what he wants. He wants to sell me an overpriced vacuum cleaner. I want him to clean my carpet for free. Let the games begin.
I show Mr. Kirby the playroom and make him promise not to wake my daughter. "Why don't you go ahead and vacuum the carpet with your vacuum while I set up," he says. I comply, and the room looks pretty clean save for the marker stains and that juice stain from that one time and that dreadful milk spot. This guy has his work cut out for him. He won't know what hit him!
When Mr. Kirby was finished setting up, he brought the behemouth vacuum into our tiny playroom and gave me a good demonstration. The vacuum was big, but it was motorized and light and breezy. I had just vacuumed, but it was picking up all kinds of dust and cat hair even still. I was totally amazed! "This is a good carpet," he said. "I'm not getting any carpet fiber at all." I'm still not sure if he was trying to flatter me or what. This is not expensive carpet, Good Sir. But my allergies thank you for getting out that cat hair.
And that's when I started thinking about my bank account. How much is in there? I wondered while I let him finish sucking out the hidden nasties from my carpet. How much is too much to spend on a vacuum? $200? $400? That's a lot of money.
But wait! There's more! It shampoos, too! Before my eyes, Mr. Kirby rubbed out those marker stains. The juice stain from that one time disappeared. Then, he came to the milk spot. He rubbed and rubbed, and admitted it was a tough one. But the Kirby Vacuum is a transformer, you see. More than meets the eye. It transformed into this amazing vehicle for carpet cleanliness. He pushed and pulled and roved over the entirety of the playroom floor. He talked and sold and cajoled as he went.
Then, just as the cleaning chemicals started to get to me, he stopped. We chatted about what I thought of the Kirby, and I loved it! I didn't want him to know I loved it. I shrugged. "It's alright," I said. "But how much does it cost?"
He handed me a sheet. Are you sitting down? Sit down for this next part.
Upwards of $3000.
That's what I said! I didn't stutter just now! I really said that to you! Take a moment and catch your breath. I know, I understand.
"We have an excellent payment plan," he assured me. "And if you can't afford those, let us know how much you can afford each month and we'll make it happen."
"This is more than I've spent on most cars," I said.
Mr. Kirby excused himself and made a call to his supervisor, explaining our situation. Then he hung up the phone and told me he could give it to me, tonight only, for $2000.
I rolled my eyes. Literally, not figuratively. "I'm not paying $2000 for a vacuum cleaner," I told him. He tried to convince me some more, of course. He's a salesman. It's his job. He must have asked me ten times how much I can afford a month, and my answer was always zero. We have no room for monthly payments.
Then, true to his word, he finished shampooing the playroom and went on his merry way. Score! The free carpet cleaning was mine at last! All it really cost me was an hour of my life!
The next day I walked in to the playroom barefoot and stepped on some stiff carpet bristles. Dried milk. Well, so much for "clean". But at least it appears to be cleaner than before.
Friends, I'm sorry if saying this next thing offends anyone, but if you're making monthly payments for your home vacuum cleaner, you're a sucker, and I'm sorry that you were fooled.
"Mom," Marc said. "That stuff that guy was saying to you is called 'persuasive writing'." I laughed out loud. "Is that what you're talking about in school?" I asked. The best part is that Marc went to class the next day and told everyone this story as an example of a persuasive argument.
Thank you, Mr. Kirby for the free carpet "cleaning" and the educational life lesson for my son! You won't be soon forgotten!
I guess everyone needs a job, but I know I am not much of a salesman. I remember the Kirby salesman who sucked dust out of my mattress..yuck! But I didn't buy it, because even though it wasn't that much back then, it was still pricey. It is funny though, but I know a few that have Kirby's and swear by them. Some have the Rainbow and swear by them. Then there is the Dyson (I think is expensive) and swear by it. I buy a $90 Hoover, it sucks up dirt fine and I just get on my hands and knees for stains. We do what we gotta do to survive!I remember the Kirby salesman from way back when I was in grade school. I didn't realize that they still went door to door. I'm a Dyson fan & also use a Hoover steam cleaner.
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