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mara williams
on May 21 2013 - 06:00 AM
Summer break has this mom on a house upkeep war path.
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Lindsay Metcalf
on May 21 2013 - 06:00 AM
When that tornado siren sounds, I'm in the basement
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I'm going to go ahead and piggyback off of a topic from the Mom2Mom forums (see "Who does breakfast this way?"). You see, I'm not like one of those moms you see on television. Nope, not at all. But I'm not ashamed to admit that I've often wished I was.
Okay, not often. But occasionally.
My husband and I have a new obsession with a TV show called Parenthood. I'm sure you've heard of it. Have you heard of it? I don't know why I love it so much. It's totally not something I would like. But I love it. We had a marathon of Parenthood when we found it in Netflix, and now we're caught up to the new episodes.
The Braverman Family is not for real!
They have real life problems, don't get me wrong. Crosby is dealing with his baby's mama and Sarah's raising teenagers by herself. And there are certainly many families in the real world who are like the Bravermans. I have no doubt that siblings gather together at their parent's house with their children and play charades on the regular. I mean, our family doesn't do that.
Do families do that? I'm not sure. But even though they deal with real life issues, they also have clean houses, they eat dinner together, and they pretty much seem to be all Braverman all the time.
They're not the only culprits of portraying an ideal family formula, either. Turn on almost any sitcom, drama, family movie, or waffle commercial and you see clean homes, smiling kids, and togetherness.
I used to think my family was dysfunctional when I was growing up. I based this analysis on the fact that the Keatons and the Seavers seemed to be so cohesive with their two parent households and pretty furniture. When I got older, I realized that my family had some problems, but we all loved each other and were always there for each other. Two parents and pretty furniture did not make a family. All the clean houses and family dinners in the world couldn't change a thing.
So I'm forced to remind myself that television is fantasy, and fantasy is only a loose representation of real life. There are so many different ways to have a family, and so many ways to run a household.
For instance, on TV you might see a mom getting up early to pack her children's lunches, get breakfast ready, and wake the children. The children might get dressed in their pretty clothes, eat the delicious breakfast at the kitchen table, and kiss their mom before they leave for school.
In my house, the mom gets up at the absolute last moment she could possibly get up, rushes to get dressed before the kids wake so they don't bother her while she's in the bathroom, yells at the older kid to get dressed and puts clothes on a groggy toddler, then heads downstairs for coffee. She sticks a sippy of milk and a banana in front of the younger one and leaves the older one to fend for himself. He's ten. He knows how to pour cereal. She shoves whatever's easy in a lunch bag and shoves them out the door.
On TV, you might see a mom in the kitchen cooking up something yummy for dinner with her clean children doing homework at the table. The dad might come home from work just as dinner is ready. He'll kiss Mom on the cheek, put his briefcase away, and they'll all meet together at the dinner table for a lovely meal and talk about their day.
In my house, the mom is too tired to cook dinner so the dad does it. Mom sits in the living room with the kids, trying to keep the littlest one from beating the oldest one on the head with whatever toy she's found while telling the oldest one he'd better turn the volume down on his DS or the DS is going to end up in the trash can. Dinner is called, all are forced into their chairs, and Mom and Dad enjoy their dinner while the kids have tantrums over having to eat something green. Tears are quite normal.
On TV, you might walk into a family's house and see freshly painted walls, freshly fluffed sofa cushions, and not a speck of dust in sight. You may see a kitchen clear of clutter and you might swear you could smell potpourri through your television.
In my house, you will walk in to find a chair stacked high with coats because no one wants to hang their coats up in the closet. You might walk in to the living room and see a carpet full of kid stains (use your own imaginations there), a coffee table full of crayon marks, and a dented couch that was new two owners ago. You'll see a kitchen full of clutter and a desk piled high with stacks of disorganized papers of various origins. You might swear you could smell cat boxes through the incense intended to hide such a smell.
I'm a mom, and this is real life. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with eating breakfast together, Mom cooking dinner, or homes being clean and neat. People do these things. I'm only saying that my house isn't like that. And I'm so thankful for television shows like Roseanne or Raising Hope for portraying less affluent classes. I used to identify with Darlene Connor so much as a teenager, and now I totally identify with Rossanne Conner as an adult. But really, that's also so much fantasy. And we still have few television shows that portray families with single parents, same-sex parents, or adoptive parents. I would jump for joy if someone wrote a sitcom or TV drama centered around an adoptive home! And their house would have to consistently be a disaster area. I want bare feet on Legos here, people.
It's easy to get caught up in the dream. I dream of a home that doesn't still have their Christmas tree up in the middle of January. I aspire to have a house that smells like bacon and eggs in the morning. But I also love my family and I'm happy with the way we do things around here. I have no complaints until I turn on the TV. I'm glad to be a mom in real life!
In the commercials, too, everyone at breakfast is smiling, and it's sunny outside, etc. I answered Edie's question about breakfast that the kids and I eat together, but right now, it's still dark outside, and they are always fighting with each other. I actually prefer Saturday and Sunday, when we kind of have more staggered breakfast times!I think that when I watch TV families, the ones that are two parent families, I wish that I had the husband. My kids are my kids, and I don't really wish for them to be any different. And like Hotmomma said, "The Middle" reminds me of us sometimes.Yep, love Parenthood. They really are quite disfunctional. Think about it. One thing I have noticed, Adam's wife talks the same way the two sisters, and his daughter does. They all sound like they have the same speech coach. some of the episodes do tend to be lame, but for the most part it is one of the best shows on TV. Unless you like SCYFY.You know what? As soon as I stopped trying to be the tv mom, my house started being cleaner. It's weird. It's almost like you just can't be motivated to do those things until you're no longer comparing yourself to June Cleaver. The kid was 6 months old before I finally stopped beating myself up about not having his PJs match every night.
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