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Lindsay Metcalf
on Jun 19 2013 - 06:00 AM
My top five most important moments of the summer so far
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mara williams
on Jun 18 2013 - 06:00 AM
Hey, manchild, mama says: clean your room, wash the dishes, don't drink and drive.
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Emily Parnell
on Jun 16 2013 - 06:00 AM
Eating fresh, local produce is good for body and soul
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Jim Cosgrove
on Jun 13 2013 - 06:00 AM
I just want to buy some pants. Please, turn down the music.
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My acceptance into Avila University was unofficially official. When I spoke the representative on the phone, she urged me to get that last necessary item, a letter of reference, on her boss' desk as soon as possible so I could get enrolled. That's all I needed for grad school, and I was in.
I don't know what happened to that letter that I requested from my UMKC professor. Maybe it got lost on her desk. I'm not upset about it, and I'm glad in a way. I've decided not to go to grad school after all. I called the very nice advisor at Avila this week and explained my situation, and asked her to not to consider me after all. She was very understanding.
Education has been slow going for me in my life. But I love school! I love new pencils, fresh spiral notebooks, and pocket folders. I love little Post-It flags. I love 3x5 cards and highlighters. I love how textbooks smell. And I love how at the start of every semester I promise myself I'm going to be more organized this time, and then lose all sense of organization two weeks later!
When I graduated from high school, I had a little separation anxiety. I would have liked to have gone to college, but we were very poor, I had terrible grades, and I was very confused. Instead I worked jobs and even became a store manager at one point. I got married and had a little baby. I always wished I had gone to college for something, anything, but it was never the right time. My friend, Kristee, slapped some sense into me when I was 26, and I finally went. I loved it. It took me five years to graduate as a single mother with a job, but I did it.
When I graduated from college, I had serious separation anxiety. I would like to have gone straight into grad school from there, but I had just given birth Charlotte during my last semester there. But I never stopped looking online for grad or certificate programs. Maybe I could go back and get my teaching certificate? Maybe I could learn library sciences? I love books, and I love helping people. Maybe I should take the GRE? You never know. I can go to grad school and still be a mom, right? Lots of people do this, I'm sure.
I eventually thought long and hard about it, and realized that while I love teaching, my favorite part is talking to the students and helping them with their problems. One dream I had always had was to become a counselor. I had a school counselor who changed the way I looked at life and I always wanted to be like him. I found a great program at Avila, applied, and was a piece of paper away from starting on my journey.
Sure, I could have emailed my old professor and reminded her about the letter. It would have taken just a moment. But I didn't. Why?
Because every time I opened my email, I thought about what those last couple of semesters at UMKC were like. I had gotten sick partway through and had to drop to part time. I know now that I have Fibromyalgia and I don't always have the ability to pay attention, think deeply, or even leave the house. I also have a toddler who grabs at my pens while I'm writing, scribbles in my books while I'm reading, and shuts my laptop while I'm typing.
If it were just that I had a toddler, I would go. If it were just that I have Fibro, I would go. As it is with a chronic illness like mine, I really only have enough energy to do so many things at a time. Right now, I need to focus on raising a toddler up to a more independent age. That's what I have energy for. Right now, I'm choosing motherhood over Master's degree.
When you're a parent, sometimes you have to put your dreams on hold. I'm okay with that. I know that in five years, schools will still be there and they will still accept me. I'm not a counselor now, but I'm a teacher and that's amazing to me. I love teaching very much, actually. And I don't know what the future will bring for me, honestly. I might decide never to go back, and that's okay too. Because no matter what my dreams are, my greatest dream is for my kids to be happy. That's the one I'm working on now!
I was at that exact same crossroad some years back. Like you, I chose motherhood. I just couldn't afford to go and felt like my goal was to raise my child. I have watched others move on thru education and wondered what I could have done....but.... Above it all I have never regretted my decision. I know the path you have chosen and admire your choice. I know it was a good one for me.
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