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Lindsay Metcalf
on May 22 2013 - 06:00 AM
When that tornado siren sounds, I'm in the basement
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on May 21 2013 - 06:00 AM
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So, I'm taking the kids to Illinois for Thanksgiving. It's just the kids and I. My husband has to work. I'm brave, I know. And I've come to realize something: going home for the holidays is not what it used to be, and never will be.
I'll have been living in Kansas City for 16 years this January. When Thanksgiving came around that first time after I moved out here, it was a no-brainer that I would go back home and be with my dad and brothers for turkey and stuffing. Of course I wanted to see my aunt and uncle. Of course I wanted to hang out with my cousins and my friends. It was no big deal; I just hopped in my car and drove for six and a half hours to Woodhull, Illinois, slept on my dad's couch for a few days, and drove back to Kansas City. I did this at Christmas, too.
When I got married for the first time, it was a bit more of a struggle. There was the discussion about who's parents we were going to be with for Thanksgiving: mine or his. Driving was easier, because there was someone to share duties. I missed out on sleeping on my dad's couch and waking up to Folgers in my cup as we opted for a hotel room instead. It was alright, but I admit that it wasn't the same.
After Marc was born, we were driving with a baby. Baby Marc slept in his carseat for most of the drive, but the trip was weighed down with a diaper bag and a third suitcase and a sack of diapers and a pack and play.
By the time Marc was three I was divorced and he had to be entertained during the drive. This was hard to do while driving. I sang "Five Little Red Balloons" so many times I had balloons in my dreams. I was still weighed down with a kid's suitcase and sack of kid books and a sack of toys and a laptop that I used as a portable DVD player to help the kid fall asleep in the car.
Now I'm married again, and I have toddler. The last trip we made with all four of us meant a car packed to the rooftop with suitcases, a diaper bag, cooler of trip food, sack of books, laptop, sack of toys, and whatever else we can cram in the car for the six and a half hour trip. The kids still needed to be entertained, but they've invented a thing called an "iPod" that has video on it, so it wasn't too bad. We couldn't afford a hotel room, so it was the four of us splitting our sleep time between a couch and a blow-up air mattress.
What are we thinking?
Look, I love my family dearly. All of them. I love my dad and my brothers, I love my sister and my neice and nephews, I love my aunts and uncles and cousins and cousin's kids, and I love what friends I have left there in Woodhull. But driving 6.5 hours one way by myself is different from driving 6.5 hours one way with a husband and two children. The time and distance are the same, the the effort is multiplied by, oh I would say, a hundred.
Mitch has to work this weekend, so I'll be taking the kids up to Woodhull on my own. I'm glad Marc is ten and can help a little bit. Of course, I have the van now, so it won't be packed to the roof. But I'll have to entertain them still, and we'll have to stop for a lot of potty breaks and diaper changes. I want to pack a cooler, but I don't know if I have the energy.
We'll be seeing my dad and siblings on Thanksgiving. Friday we'll be at a parade with my cousins. Saturday is for chillin', I hope.
"I want to stay in Kansas City for Christmas," my husband announced while I was explaining my Thanksgiving plans. "It's too much driving with kids."
He's right. I don't know what we were thinking. My family is very important to me, and it's important to me to be home for holidays.
But, guess what? I have a family of my own now, and now I'm the parent. I have a mortgage payment on a small residential building that I sleep in every night, and that's my home. I love my father, siblings, aunts and cousins dearly but we're all grown ups with children and responsibilities. I have a family and a home in Kansas City.
So what does it mean to spend Thanksgiving at home with the family? It gets complicated when family members live far away. It gets complicated for transplants like my husband and I. I think we've now reached a point where we realize that holiday travel just isn't worth the effort.
I declare this to be my last Thanksgiving trip to my old home, at least for a while. It's cold outside, it's a long drive, it's a short stay, and it's a lot of hassel. We'll visit when it's warm, and we'll call them on the phone.
This year, however, I'm going to enjoy the holiday. We'll eat and laugh and we'll fight with each other. My brother will say something offensive and I'll get mad. My dad will say something insightful and I'll cry. My other brother will show me some video game that's way too violent and I'll have to leave the room. My cousin and I will sit and drink coffee and talk and talk while our kids play. My kids will have a blast, and I'll enjoy every moment.
And next year, I'll use my really neat convection oven that came with the house. I haven't used it yet, and it's about time. And it's about time I had Thanksgiving at home with my family instead of Thanksgiving at home with my family. That is, at my home with my new family instead of my old home with my extended family.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Do yourselves a favor, and remember to be thankful for the family that you have, every single member right down to the last cousin! I sure am. I wouldn't have made the trek out there all of those years if I didn't!
When my parents lived in Indianapolis, I made the 8 hour trip many times - alone with an infant and a very active 4 year old. It was a hassle but totally worth it. I'd rather have the memories than the convenience.I understand that it is hard to travel with kids by yourself...we have had a few family vacations and they were chaotic, but fun. I am fortunate that my family lives only a half an hour away, the hardest for me sometimes is splitting our time between my family and then my ex husband's parents. Sometimes I want to throw my hands up and say it is too much, to maneuver the schedule between work, etc. But I do it because one, family has been so important to us and like Frizzed said, the memories are priceless, and two, the kids are getting older and someday sooner than later they will be out on their own with their own families and the dynamics will change yet again. Then again, when I was growing up and we lived overseas (I was a military kid) we didn't travel to see my grandmother all of the time..and I am no worse for the wear. It is whatever works for you.Like so many other conversations, I think that whatever works for your family is the right thing. I always loved traveling with my kids. There was one time I flew by myself from Texas to Ohio with three kids and two car seats and several big lovies! Oh, and I was sick! But it was wonderful being with family. This year we will travel to Mississippi for Christmas to be with hubby's parents with our two adult daughters. (who btw come with different traveling kid challenges) We are going because Papa can't travel any more. He can't come to us. We will cherish every moment in the car with our girls and love every minute with Mom and Dad. The time we have with them is all too short, daughters and parents. Have fun and make up funny stories. Maybe go to the library and find a book on tape for the three of you to listen to--much cooler than video. One last thing--you are gonna love traveling in the minivan. You will wonder why you waited so long! Happy Thanksgiving, Val and family.Well, I guess I didn't really write this because I needed to be reminded of how magical spending holidays with grandparents can be. I already know that. I'm glad many of you can make those trips unscathed. As far as memories over travel hassle is concerned, please realize it's not like the kids will never see their grandparents again. Don't forget I have fibro, so things like taking care of children, cooking, housework, going to the grocery store, and holiday travel are incredibly more challenging than they are for the average parent. And I think a 400 mile trip alone with two children is quite a feat even for the average, healthy parent. I didn't write this blog so I could be reminded of how important family is. I know how important it is. I wrote it because this is what's going on in my life right now and I thought it was something other moms could relate to. That is what this blog space is for, after all. Happy Thanksgiving.I totally agree, Val. Make the holiday a joy. If travelling doesn't bring you joy, then don't do it. I know you well enough to know that you'll make staying home a treasure for your family, and the memories will be priceless.That is why I do Thanksgiving at my house every year. Well, not the kid part, William is just now 2, but I prefer the hassle of cooking over the hassle of travel. Have a good trip, and be safe. Next year, if you want to have the big family dinner, let them travel. My mom has a saying, when you have kids, grandparents (providing they're able bodied) travel to the grandkids.The trick is to move far enough away that you can still go when you want to, but no one expects you to come all the time. 10 hours always worked well for us. ;-) I really don't like traveling either; we've got it down to going home at Christmas and that's about it.I know exactly what you mean. I am a fan of road trips ONLY IF THEY'RE UNDER 2 HOURS. Anything longer ceases to be fun for my husband or myself. And two hours can be pushing it at times. We have a theory in practice in our family... if it isn't something we all want to do, we don't do it. Our kids are young and flexible and up until recently would eat poop because they didn't know any better. So, we started early on not letting the kids decide for themselves what we are all going to do unless those options were agreeable to hubby and I. Vacations should be enjoyable for the whole family, not just the children and not just the parents. I think it is fantastic that other people enjoy travel with their kids - what lucky families! But I also think my children aren't suffering or lacking in family experience or love or memories because we are not into traveling with them - yet. Of-course as they get older their company on road trips will change. At the ages they are at now, 4 and 7, not so enjoyable with the four year old. We don't do trips to certain parks because hubby and I would just be suffering through it "for the sake of" our kids - and when it comes to the privilege of travel, it is so important for us all to enjoy the experience. We also decided a couple years ago to do Thanksgiving at our home. We have a complicated family situation that makes it simpler and more enjoyable to eat at our home and visit with family after our meal. It's all good! We show our love for family in so many ways! I too have a disability that causes chronic pain and have learned that my limits are just as okay as someone else's. Enjoy this year's holiday season with your extended family! And enjoy all the new traditions to come!All the years after my husband and I got married we spent every holiday with family. It was complicated and stressful, and not very enjoyable. So many expectations and so much chaos. Not having that to deal with is one of the good things about living here. I don't even try anymore. So it is just us every holiday and so much less stressful. Today I am thank for the wonderful family I have here in KS.
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