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mara williams
on Jun 18 2013 - 06:00 AM
Hey, manchild, mama says: clean your room, wash the dishes, don't drink and drive.
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Emily Parnell
on Jun 16 2013 - 06:00 AM
Eating fresh, local produce is good for body and soul
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Jim Cosgrove
on Jun 13 2013 - 06:00 AM
I just want to buy some pants. Please, turn down the music.
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Before you go any further, my beloved blog patrons, I caution you. This is a deeply personal blog post. But for some reason, I trust you with the following information. I've never been one to hold things back, and have, in fact, been chastised for my need to share. As it is, I was asked to blog here about motherhood, and so I shall. You have been warned.
There's a local Kansas City radio station. Maybe you've heard of it? It's 96.5 The Buzz. They have a morning show called Afentra's Big Fat Morning Buzz. I don't listen to it every day, but on the days I drive Marc to school or on the occasion that I have to work in the morning, I always tune in. I can't help it. Afentra is honest, open, and real. She's not afraid to talk about how she doesn't shave her legs. She reminds me of me, just a little. (Especially the legs part. Oh, don't roll your eyes! You all know you hate to shave!)
This morning, she was having a contest: Make Afentra Cry. You see, she is pregnant, and apparently very emotional right now. Or maybe she's not emotional. I don't remember. Anyway, she thought it'd be a fun game to have people call into the show to try to make her cry. People tried, and people failed. Don't tell her about cancer. She'll get mad before she gets sad.
I was in my car on my way to work, thinking about my own life. I had a story that was sure to make her cry. It makes me cry, I cry whenever I think about it. They rattled off the list of prizes available. Did I even want any of them? Decemberist tickets? Sure! I called, and I decided to talk about my mom.
I dialed, it rang, I gave a preview of my story to the dude that answered the phone, and was put through to Afentra.
I fought back my own tears as I told her of my little four or five year old self looking for her mom.
I've talked about my father being a single dad on here before, but I've never told you why he was single. You see, I didn't have a mom. She had issues with drugs, alcohol, and mental illness. When I was about two years old, she left us. My parents divorced, and we never saw her again. Okay, I saw her once when I was 15, and again when I was about 21, but basically, never again.
I recalled to the pregnant Afentra an account of when I was four or five years old and I was just learning how to use the phone. I was told that if you dial 0, you can talk to an operator who will connect you with someone who's number you don't know. Now, who in the world would a motherless preschooler want to talk to more than her mother? But I didn't know my mother's number. So I dialed. The operator answered and I asked her if she could call my mom for me. Her name? I didn't know that. I told her the name I thought it might be, but I wasn't sure. She told me she couldn't connect me if I didn't have a name. Then I asked if she was my mother. Hey, it was worth a try! She said no, she wasn't anybody's mother. I started to cry, and hung up the phone.
I remember this event in great detail to this day, even though the memories surrounding it are fuzzy. I guess it was important to me at the time. It continued to be important to me until I actually met her.
I told Afentra this story, and tears came from her eyes and mine both. Then, she told me I had won. I won! Holy cow, really?
I have to be honest, I felt guilty. I used my mama drama story to win concert tickets, and I made a pregnant woman cry! But that was the name of the game.
Like I said, this is a deeply personal blog post. Why am I sharing this with you? Because I have been chewing on this thought all day. I have been feeling down on myself for not being the best. But today, thanks to this contest, I realize I am one example of how all moms, all people, come from different backgrounds that we can't possibly know and have the same to potential to do great things. I am a mom, and a damn fine one if I do say so myself. By all odds I should be an alcoholic drug addict high school drop out because of this hardship and similar hardships I won't even get into in a public place such as this.
But I'm not. I'm a mother of two gorgeous children, a college graduate, a teacher, a writer, a musician, and a mean apple crisp maker. I've survived poverty, abuse, divorce, sickness, and natural childbirth (it's really not that bad). Hey, I'm the one who had a baby in the middle of writing a thesis! I got a "B".
I'm telling you this story because if any of you reading this right now have ever felt that you can't be something or accomplish something in your life because of all of the hardships you've faced, you're wrong. I'm living proof.
I'm telling you this story because I teach GED classes, and I see so many moms just like me overcoming the adversity in their lives. They are going to get their diplomas and go on in life and make something of themselves. I know they can, because I can, and I'm just some momless girl from a farm town.
I'm a momless mom. I don't want anyone here feeling sorry for me, and I truly believe my birth mother made the right choice. And someday, she will do an internet search for my name, find this blog, and know that I still hold her in my heart regardless of the circumstances.
Still, I'll hold on to that little story. It reminds me of where I come from and what I've been through. It helps remind me how lucky my children are that they will never experience that sense of unrequited longing. It reminds me that we can do anything we want with our lives regardless of the circumstances.
Oh, yeah. And it wins me concert tickets! Decemberists, here I come!
You are certainly giving me hope, thank you! Thank you for sharing such a personal story with us, I will be carrying this with me all day today and I may share this with my daughter who I think this would help.Thank you for sharing your story. Your experience has made you the strong resilient and compassionate woman you are today--and a strong fierce mom!Teresa, I don't want you to cry. I had a good life. She made the right decision, I truly believe that. I love you!Sometimes it is hard to accept but there is a reason for everything that happens in our lives. I also lost my mom, though in a different way. She died right in front of me when I was 7 from a heart attack. It is hard growing up without a mom. I too draw strength from the hardships I have had in my past and am thankful everyday for the life I now have. Thanks for sharing such a private part of your life.Val, my heart aches for you as the 4-5 year old who talked to the operator. But, from all I've read from you, I know you are a strong woman! Although I'm sure you missed a lot from not having your mom in your life, it sounds like you are determined to be a great mom yourself!You are the best mom that you can be and your kids love you more than anything! Thank you for sharing your story today!! And hope you have a great time at the concert!You were resolute very early in your life. Seems as though you are still that way today. One solid woman. One solid mom.Val, thank you for sharing this emotional story. Even though I only met you once in person (about 2 years ago), I could tell you were a loving, compassionate person. I have my share of sad stories that don't involve my mom. I really admire people who can write about it. You have written some wonderful blog posts so far on Mom2Mom and I look forward to more!I wanted to let you know that my friend I posted about a while back finally got back her GED scores, and she passed with flying colors!!! (She and her husband also got their own place, and are now leaning towards keeping their baby- son #2.) Your story is a living example of what you try to teach your students, and I'm going to share it with her. I needed to hear it too... Thank you for sharing it with us.Wow, Cookiemom, that's great! She should be so proud of herself. The GED is no easy test, believe me! That's a major accomplishment!Dare I admit your blog made me laugh? Of course it made me very sad for the little you, without a doubt. But this was priceless: "I have to be honest, I felt guilty. I used my mama drama story to win concert tickets, and I made a pregnant woman cry! But that was the name of the game." I love how real you are!
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