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Christi Diggs
on May 23 2013 - 06:00 AM
A drop of spin, a cup of deception and tsp. politics=Apathy
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Lindsay Metcalf
on May 22 2013 - 06:00 AM
When that tornado siren sounds, I'm in the basement
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mara williams
on May 21 2013 - 06:00 AM
Summer break has this mom on a house upkeep war path.
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When I was growing up, we were poor. I don't mean that we just didn't have as much as other families. I don't mean that we struggled. I mean we were poor. My brother and I were raised by a single father with limited education. Skilled in his trade, he was able to start his own business. The pay was terrible, but at least he was able to be with us as much as possible. I remember my childhood being extremely happy and sad at the same time. It was happy because I had the most loving father in the Universe who was willing to sacrifice so much for us. I was sad because some of those sacrifices meant wearing t-shirts that said "Megan" on the back and shoes that were broken in by someone else.
Christmas was especially challenging. My father rarely was able to afford to get us much. Even though our birthdays weren't really near Christmas, we had to sometimes have gifts that counted as both Christmas and birthday gifts. We did have aunts, uncles, and grandparents that came through, however. We would get presents for other people, too, and one of my favorite things to do was wrap them! Dad taught me how to tear only half of the little paper backing off of bows, leaving the other half untouched so we could use it again next year. We wrapped presents very carefully and opened them carefully also so that the paper could be used again. I was very good at this!
One year in particular was very difficult for Dad's business. I shouldn't say that. It wasn't very difficult. It was devastating. He made less than $10,000 that year. Somehow, we made it. I don't know how. I was just a kid. But I do remember Dad coming to my brother and I and trying to explain to our 7 and 8 year old selves that money was hard to come by that Christmas. If we could only have one present that year, what would it be? We told him, and somehow he came through with more than we asked for. I was convinced it was Santa.
But I don't remember Christmases as being unhappy. I remember them as being joyful, festive, and magical. We got presents, and I liked getting presents. I was a kid! What do you expect? But I never felt like I lacked for anything around the holidays. We woke up Christmas morning, Dad tortured us by saying we couldn't open presents until he finished his first cup of coffee, then we'd open everything. Later that night, we would go to my aunt and uncle's and have the big family Christmas. There were cookies, apple cider, a turkey and a ham, and someone playing guitar! Trivial Pursuit was usually in the mix of activities as well.
Now, I'm an adult. I have children of my own. And we are poor. I don't mean that we're poor. I mean that we're struggling. Or maybe we're poor, I'm not sure. My husband has been unemployed for two months. I only work a part time job due to my health. I'm looking for a full time job regardless of my health, because one of us has to work. If not him, maybe me? In the meantime I've had the conversation with my son that money was hard to come by this Christmas. If he could only have one present, what would it be? We'll come through with more than he asks for. We'll tell him it was Santa. My daughter is just a baby, so she won't notice the difference. They'll get presents from aunts and uncles, and the only people that will feel sad about not giving the children the world for Christmas will be us, and we can get over that.
On the one hand, I'm weary of constant poverty. I guess upward mobility is possible, however, going from lower class to lower middle class in one short lifetime! It just seems that no matter how hard we work or how good we are we can never quite make ends meet.
On the other hand, I feel so fortunate that I was able to learn that life is not about stuff. I lived without stuff my whole life. People come first. I'm hoping that my kids will learn the same lesson. They certainly have more than my brother and I ever had. They'll find the "Happy" in "Happy Holidays". I did!
"Stuff" does not equal happiness. My family didn't have much money growing up, but we weren't unfortunate for sure. My significant other always says that he's glad that I'm the type of person that would rather have a new pan or a good bottle of glue compared to fancy stuff... (Of course i want the fancy stuff, I'm just easy to please :)CZ, from what I know of you from this board, you are a resilient woman who is going to make the holidays happy no matter how many presents your children receive. I know it will be tough, but your children will remember the family togetherness and not the presents when they are older. What a touching tribute about your father, too. It sounds like he did his absolute best for you and your brother.This is a terrific blog! You are so right!Life is not about stuff, and neither is Christmas and you really got that point across! Merry Christmas, CZ!Baby daughter's "Christmas" gifts need only be her favorite toy(s) wrapped in ... well, anything really. It's a trick we used our son's first Christmas, when money was more than tight. Not sure why life is such a struggle while younger, but things do change. Kids love attention from parents more than "gifts". Memories rarely are about "gifts". More about smiles and lots of love and laughter. It's the best part of living.CZ, you are right, it isn't about stuff. The thing that is rotten though is that it still hurts sometimes. I know because I have been there and sometimes I feel like I am there now. That is just the way it is. I have never met you, but I think you are amazing and your kids will learn a great lesson from this. Have a wonderful holiday, hugging your babes tight!This is really great. I've read it several times - and probably will a few more times. I can't say that about many things I've read. I love your attitude, CZ.Wonderful blog! And I know what it is like to be in your shoes. I had my DD22 when I was 18. We didn't have much and we struggled to pay bills and put food on the table. I remember having to save up to buy her a $20 gift for her birthday. We were always able to get her something for Christmas although it wasn't the latest and greatest thing. She never said a word about not getting certain things and always appreciated everything, and still does. We did a lot of coloring, painting and crafty things since we didn't have money to go out a lot. She is such a wonder person and so giving. She never expects anything, works hard, goes to school at the same time and just bought her first house. I am so proud of her. My middle son is kind of the same way. We had more money when he was born and were able to buy more. He is appreciative and doesn't expect things but he also thinks his money will burn a hole in his pocket. By the time my DS5 was born, I was remarried and my DH makes very good money. We live in a big house with nice things. We are able to take my DS5 places and get him nice things. At Christmas we always spend only a certain amount on the kids. After Christmas my DS5 woke up one day and said, "Mommy. Why didn't you get me the Toy Story Potato Head like I wanted!" :( Sometimes I miss the old days. It was hard and we struggled but I think my daughter is the winner in all of this. All of this to say, I know it is hard and I hope things do get better for you but also know that your children will turn out to be wonderful people, just like you did, and really appreciate everything life.I am truly touched by your words and wisdom. You know what counts and that is all that is truly important in this world. I wish you and your family continued happiness and the upmost success, no matter how you wish to define. Awesome, awesome blog.Very nice blog. You should come in and get a photo taken in The Star's photo studio. If you get a chance, come down to INK and say hello.Ha, Tasha! You don't like my shadowy profile pic? I took that in my living room last night to use for my avatar on my friend's blog she wanted me to guest post for. It's my "gravatar" lol. I thought it looked m2m-ish. I don't have a good one of me and the kids. I'm the cameraperson most of the time!You've always been one of my favorite bloggers here, and this post proves why. I'm glad you and your family know that Christmas isn't just about how much "stuff" you get, it's about the love. Some families don't have that, but yours does. Please don't feel guilty about the things you want to give your kids, you're giving them exactly what they need most. For what it's worth, my family struggled a lot, too, when the kids were little. I still remember crying when my husband, out of work at Christmas, hugged our son and apologized, "... for not being able to give you anything nice this year." That was the year that his gifts came from the dollar store. We were poor, but we were happy. It gets better financiall. Your family is already happy, and that's more important than all the "stuff" in the world.
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